You Have To Go There To Come Back
by Fumbling Towards Ecstasy
Summary: Spashley after the end of season three, the path of true love never runs smoothly...
1. Chapter 1

**So this is Fic number two for me. I appreciate any and all feedback and suggestions and really hope you enjoy the story. I have some idea where this is going but any ideas are appreciated.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, I'm just borrowing them and they will be returned in almost the same state as I found them.**

**Chapter One**

Spencer's POV

"Jesus Ash you've got so much crap!" I called out to my girlfriend who was in the process of shuffling her furniture, closes and other possessions around to make room for my stuff. After a long and decidedly bumpy road I was finally going to move in with my first and forever love, Ashley Davies.

"Well when you get a multi-million dollar inheritance at 18 you tend to buy a bunch of crap you probably don't need," Ashley said with a wide smile as she walked slowly towards me. She was wearing black shorts and a tight red tank top with her long dark hair pulled back in a pony-tail, did I mention my girlfriend is seriously hot. I tilted my head and smiled as she approached me. Her smile widened, crinkling her nose in the adorable way I love so much.

"Really the only thing I need Spencer, is you," Ashley murmured as she stopped in front of me, barely inches between us. I felt a blush rise up my cheeks, which caused my girl to giggle before she reached out to cup my cheek before tenderly capturing my lips. God every time she kisses me, I still feel the way I did the first time. My heart races and my knees go weak and I know with absolute certainty that she is the only person I can ever truly love, the only person I ever want to be kissing. The feelings she inspires in me are intense and all consuming, I never get tired of kissing her, making love to her or even just sitting in silence with her. She is my lover and my best friend, Ashley Davies is my life.

Ashley broke off the kiss and leaned back to look into my eyes, "What are you thinking Baby?" God I love it when she calls me Baby. She started into my eyes, molten chocolate locking with ocean blue. I get the feeling she can see straight into my soul. I smile at her and she crinkles her nose as she smiles back, "I was just thinking about how much I love and adore you."

Ashley beamed at me and ducked her head to gaze at me from under her eyelashes, "I love you too and God I am so glad that we're finally moving in together." Ashley wrapped her arms around my waist while I looped mine around her neck, our bodies crushed deliciously against each other. "Me too," I plant a soft kiss on her lips before slipping out of her arms, "But if we don't get a move on I'll never be able to fit my stuff in here and I'll have to keep living with my parents." I giggle as Ash groaned then pouted at me before we both got back to work.

After several hours of manual labour, lots of cursing and several breaks to fool around Ash and I got her place ready for me to move my stuff in. I was closing the doors to Ashley's, ok our, enormous closest when I felt a pair of warm, strong arms circle my waist and pull me back against a familiar body. "So Ms. Carlin you think you can move in with me now?" Ashley whispered against my ear. I felt goose bumps rise on my skin as it was tickled by her warm breath. The things this girl could make me feel with the lightest of touches!

I leaned eagerly back into her arms and rested my cheek against hers, "hmm I dunno Ms. Davies, what if I get a better offer?" I teased. Ash poked me in the ribs and scoffed.

"As if anyone could top this," she said pointing at herself. I laughed and turned around in her arms bringing our faces dangerously close to each other. "Some things never change do they Ash, I am still humbled by your modesty." She grinned at me and closed the gap between us so she could capture my lips in a passionate kiss. I wrapped my arms around her pulling her as close as I could. I moved my hand to the back of her neck and leaned into her to deepen our kiss. I felt her moan into my mouth as our tongues made contact with each other. I will seriously never get tired of this. Ashley is like a drug and I know there is no cure for this addiction. I felt her hands circle my hips and the next thing I knew she tackled me, sending me flying onto her, no _our, _bed. Before I could react with more than a squeal of surprise my girl was straddling me and grinning evilly down at me while she grasped my hands and pulled them over my head.

I started to thrash around under her, trying to free my hands so I could sate my craving to touch her. Ash grinned down at me as if she knew exactly what I was thinking (which she more than likely did) and bit her bottom lip in an oh so sexy way. "Spence, chill," she said breathily as she leaned down over me. I felt her lips graze my cheeks, eye lids, nose, forehead and lips with feather light touches. The barely there touch driving me crazy, which of course she knew. I groaned in frustration and she chuckled before claiming my lips with a fierce, all-consuming kiss. Ashley released my hands and I immediately wrapped them around her bringing her body fully against mine. I felt her start to unbutton my shirt, while I slip my hands up the back of her tank top. I felt her unbutton my jeans and slide my shirt down over my arms but I was far to focused on the delicious kisses assaulting my lips and throat to do anything more than groan. Things were starting to get really really good when I heard my phone ring. "Shit!" Ashley cursed as she rolled off me, "If that's your Mom then I swear she has a camera or a bug planted on you!"

I jumped of the bed and ambled over to the chest to grab my phone. I rolled my eyes as I answered it, "Hi Mom." I had to hold back my laughter when Ash mouthed, 'I knew it.' I listened to Mom talk, not really paying all that much attention due to the fact that Ashley was trying to 'search' my body for bugs and cameras. I kept slapping her hands away and trying to walk out of her reach, but Ash just smirked and followed my movements.

I was brought back to the phone conversation I was meant to be engaged in when I head Mom snap, "Spencer! Are you even listening?!"

"Sure Mom, I just, ah, missed that last part," I said in a completely unconvincing voice, Ashley rolled her eyes at me, luckily she found my inability to lie adorable.

"Well I just asked if you and Ashley would come over for dinner tonight."

"Are you cooking or is Dad?" I asked teasingly, it is well known in my family that anything Mom cooks should be handled with caution, and a biohazard alert.

"Dad, and Spence I'm offended," Mom said with a laugh. I joined in and after a few more minutes of chatting and making arrangements for dinner that night I hung up.

I put my phone down on the dresser and turned to find Ashley behind me, close behind me. "You didn't make that easy you know," I scolded her teasingly.

"I know," she said with a triumphant smile crinkling her nose. I leaned in and kissed her cheek before dragging her off to the bed room, "Hell yes now where were we before we got interrupted," Ashley exclaimed.

"'Fraid not Sweets, we have to get ready for dinner at my parents', you know it's my last night living in their house and I already told Mom we would." I chuckled as Ashley pouted at me and gave her a playful shove towards the closet, "Get dressed and I'll wait for you in the living room."

Dinner with my family was great, it was a huge affair with Mom, Dad, Glen, Chelsea, Ashley and Me. It felt right, it was like all the drama of the past was finally behind us and that we could all be together and appreciate each other. Hell even Ashley and my Mom get along now days, which I'm sure is a sign of the coming apocalypse. They even gang up on me now, ah well I'd be lying if I said the sight of my Mom and my girl laughing and joking together didn't warm my heart.

After dinner we got roped into watching movies with everyone, which would have been alright except my Dad pulled out the old family movies, you know the ones where you're running around naked as a toddler and fun stuff like that. I guess I was a bit of a camera whore back in the day because most of the footage seemed to star me. By the time the last move was over (this one had included me running through the house naked, hitting Glen with a baseball bat, painting our old dog green and my personal favourite me crying when I found Glen had melted the heads off all my barbies) I was beet red and the rest of the room was in hysterics. Ashley especially seemed to enjoy my public humiliation, which she will pay for I can assure you.

Ashley left to head back to the loft not shortly after the screening of my humiliations and went upstairs to get ready for my last night living in my parent's house. It felt seriously weird. I wanted nothing more than to live with Ash, you know go to sleep in her arms every night and wake up with her every morning, but I was still feeling a little sad. It was like I was saying goodbye to childhood, from the moment I left this house I had to be a grown up and that was pretty scary. I was just settling into bed when my Mom and Dad walked in. Mom perched next to me and gave me a watery smile. "Mom don't cry," I pleaded. She just smiled and sniffled a little.

"Aw come on Paula this is a good thing, our daughter has found love and we should be happy not sad. This isn't an ending it's a beginning." I beamed up at my Dad, he is truly awesome and always knows exactly the right things to say to make things better.

Mom nodded and wiped her eyes, "I know and I am so happy for you honey, but I'm gonna miss you so much."

"Mom we're only like fifteen minutes away and you know we'll visit a lot, plus Ashley gave you a key so you can stop by…but remember to call first yeah?" I was having scary visuals of my Mom walking in on Ashley and I…um…together.

Mom chuckled and nodded again, "Well good night sweetie, get some sleep you've got a big day tomorrow." I said good night to both my parents and snuggled down under the covers. After the manual labour of the day I quickly feel into a deep sleep and dreamed about the future I was going to have with my girl.

**Ok so Chapter two is coming soon, all reviews, comments and suggestions are appreciated!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Usual disclaimer, I don't own the characters just using them to bring my ideas to life.**

**Thanks for the wonderful reviews for Chapter One, they were greatly appreciated! I hope this instalment is just as well received!**

**Chapter Two**

Ashley's POV

I was awake so freaking early this morning, I just couldn't sleep. I can't remember a moment in my life where I have ever felt so excited or so happy. In a few hours I'm supposed to go pick up my Baby and bring her back to my, no _our_, loft so we can start the next phase of our relationship together. You know what, screwed that I am bursting to see her so who says I have to wait?

I jumped out of bed and was ready in record time, I downed a coffee and grabbed an apple as I ran out the door. I swear I stayed below the speed limit on the way to the Carlin's, really I did. Any cameras or cops that say otherwise are simply full of crap.

I got to the Carlin's in less than ten minutes, ok so the drive usually takes fifteen but I had a really good run! My timing was awesome because just as I pulled up Mr. C came out to get his paper. He gave me a huge smile and pulled me into a big bear hug, "Morning Ash, aren't you a little early? I thought you weren't stealing our youngest until 12?"

"Um yeah I ah, I couldn't wait," I gave him a cheeky grin and he chuckled before ushering me into the house. As I went to sneak up the stairs he stopped me with a hand on the shoulder, "Ash, take care of her for me won't you?"

I smiled warmly, this guy has to be the most awesome Dad ever, "You know I will."

He nodded and squeezed my shoulder affectionately, "Breakfast will be on the go in about an hour, so we'll see you at the table." As he headed off to the living room I moved as quickly and quietly up the stairs as I could. I had snuck up and down this staircase so many times that I knew each and every place they squeaked. I stealthily reached Spencer's bedroom and slipped inside. I felt a huge smile form on my face as I watched my girl sleeping. Eyes closed, long blonde hair lying over her shoulder, curled up on her side and her face serene and peaceful. God every time I see her I fall more and more in love.

I slid my hoodie off and walked to what had become my side of her bed. I kicked my flip-flops off and slid under the covers beside her. I wrapped my arm around her waist and snuggled up to her back. Gotta love some early morning spooning with my outrageously gorgeous girl. I couldn't keep the smile off my face as I felt her snuggle deeper into my arms, her back pressing harder into my front. I ran my fingers gently through her silky hair as I placed tender kisses on her bared shoulder and the back of her neck.

She stretched and groaned throatily as she began to wake up. I buried my face in her hair and kissed around her ear before whispering, "Good morning Baby."

She turned slightly in my arms so that she could look into my eyes. I have to say I so love an early morning Spencer, she is just too cute and cuddly. She gazed up at me with sleepy blue eyes and grinned, "What are you doing here?"

"I couldn't wait so I came over early," she tilted her head and looked at me in amazement, "ok so really early." Spencer laughed and snuggled against my chest. I cradled her in my arms as she rested her cheek on my chest. I slowly traced a pattern along her arm as she drew circles on my stomach with the tip of her finger. It just felt so right, lying there with her in my arms. I gently kissed the top of her head and breathed in the scent of coconuts and raspberries that was all her.

"How did you sleep?"

"I kinda passed out I think, after all that lifting and sorting at your, I mean _our_ place," I beamed down at her, God _our_ _place_ – I have never heard two hotter words. "But I know I would have slept better if I was with you," she whispered sweetly, kissing me on the cheek. I leaned in and caught her lips in a tender kiss, hopefully conveying to her exactly how much I agreed with her.

"I know Baby, me too. But hey from tonight I get to hold you in my arms every night for the rest of my life," I murmured. Before Spencer I never saw myself committing to anyone. I was definitely a love em and leave em sort of girl. Spencer changed that, changed me. She made me want to be better, to be deserving of her.

"Hmmm I like the sound of that," she said with a grin and her signature head tilt, "So how about I get up and we get a move on?" I nodded excitedly and watched as she bounded out of bed, looking so very sexy in her purple boxer shorts and lemon yellow tank top. I watched as she disappeared into her bathroom and took a look around her room. Everything was packed in boxes, except the bed stuff (which she was leaving behind) and a suitcase of clothes that sat open. Out of the corner of my eye I saw one remaining item, not yet packed. I pulled myself to the side of the bed and dangled my legs over the side as I gently picked up the intricately carved silver frame from her bedside table.

I can't help but smile as I take in the scene in the photo. That day will be forever burned in my mind as they day when everything became possible, it was the day I realised I was in love with my best friend. We skipped school, ok so I convinced Spencer to skip school, and hung out at the beach all day. It was fun and carefree but like always with us there was an undertow of flirting. We had been mucking around out in the water (yeah I dragged her in, Spencer was all keen to just sunbake but how boring is that?) and finally emerged to throw ourselves on our towels and soak up some sun.

Spencer looked kind of tense, like she had way too much on her mind, but I knew better than to ask her what was wrong. Spencer will always answer questions like that with an 'I'm fine' or 'nothing's wrong'. Best thing with her has always been to give her time and eventually she tells you what the deal is.

In hindsight her revelation really wasn't so surprising but at the time it threw me. We were lying on our backs when Spencer told me she thought she liked girls. I was floored. I mean I had wondered, and secretly hoped, but never really prepared myself for the fact she might actually really be gay. It was in the second that I realised that I was in love with her.

The photo was taken about ten minutes after her confession, we were lying close together on our stomachs, resting up on our elbows. Spencer looked so free, like a huge weight had been lifted. A sweet lady with a toddler offered to take our photo after our unsuccessful attempt at a happy-snap. Spencer insisted that we document this momentous occasion. In the photo we're laughing as we faced the camera and the sun is shining off us. It was the start of something huge for both of us.

I smiled fondly as I placed the photo back on her bedside table. I knew for a fact that we had packed that photo the day before yesterday, I had been the one to wrap it in bubble wrap and put it in a box. Spencer had protested that she couldn't sleep in the room, even for one night, without that photo beside her. I teased her about it and she let me pack it. I guess once I'd gone she'd pulled it out again. God I love that girl.

Twenty minutes later my girl emerged from the bathroom dressed in skinny, dark blue jeans and a purple tank top over a white one. She was wearing her white Chuck Taylor's and had her hair clipped half back behind her head. My God she is stunning. She catches me staring at her and lowers her eyes, blushing furiously. I hopped up from the bed and quickly walk to her side, gently tilting her head so I can look into those deep blue eyes of hers. I leaned in and planted a chaste kiss on her lips before smirking at her. "What?" she asked tilting her head and grinning at me.

"So you did a little unpacking did you?" I laughed as her expression became confused. I reached over and plucked the photo frame from her bedside table. She smiled sheepishly and gently took it from my hands. "I couldn't be without it. This photo represents so much to me. It was the first time I ever voiced the thoughts that had been swirling inside me and it was also when I acknowledged to myself that I was falling for you. We went through so much after this day, you know, to finally get together and I like a little reminder of the day it all really began." I leaned in and kissed her with as much love and passion as I could (and that was a hell of a lot). I wrapped my arms around her and deepened the kiss as she leaned into me.

Finally, breathless, I pulled away and held her hand in mine, "Your Dad's making breakfast so we'd better head down before that pig of a brother of your's eats it all." Spencer laughed and let me lead her by the hand down to breakfast with the Carlins.

I can't believe how comfortable I feel with this family, no you know what they _are_ my family. I did not predict that we would ever be here. I mean it wasn't that long ago that Mrs. C was dragging me out of the house by my hair while I was half naked and now here I am laughing and joking with the Carlin matriarch. It's funny how things work out huh? After breakfast Spencer and her Dad start loading her boxes and suitcases into the Carlin family car. As I went to help them Mrs. C put an arm around my shoulder and smiled down at me.

"Ash, I know we got off to a rocky start. I treated you so poorly and for that I am truly sorry. I was ignorant, narrow-minded and stupid. I nearly lost my daughter because of it. Instead I leant a valuable lesson about love and what it means to be a family and I inherited another daughter," she paused to give me a kiss on the forehead, "Ashley I want you to know that I consider you as much a part of this family as my own kids. You are a remarkable young woman and I am so grateful to you for making Spencer so happy."

I cut her off by throwing my arms around her in a tight hug, "Thanks Mrs. C, you're the best girlfriend's/surrogate Mom I've ever had!" She laughed and squeezed me tighter.

We went out and helped Spencer and Mr. C finish packing the car before we all loaded in (well Spencer and me in my car and the older Carlins in theirs) and headed to the loft.

It took quite a few trips but soon we had all of Spencer's boxes and suitcases piled up in the living room of the loft. I asked the Carlin's to stay for lunch but they opted to give us some time alone. They left with promises to come over for dinner in a few days (of course Mr. C would be doing the cooking) and with us promising to call if we needed anything. We were both hugged and kissed within an inch of our lives before Mr. C led a rather teary Mrs. C out of the loft.

I turned around after closing the door to see Spencer standing in the middle of the living room with a small, but extremely sexy, smile on her face. I just stood there, I couldn't believe that this was really happening.

"Ash, this is real. I am totally living here with you now so stop standing there and staring at me like this is a dream you're about to wake up from. Get your ass over here and kiss me," Spencer held out her hand for me to take. I needed no further encouragement. I flew across the loft and pulled her to me before crushing my lips down on hers. I love the way she always knows what I'm thinking. She just gets me like no one else ever has.

I felt her tongue against my bottom lip and willingly parted my lips to grant her entrance. I moaned into her mouth as our tongues connected. No matter how many times I kiss Spencer Carlin I just can't get enough. We kissed until oxygen became and issue. Spencer pulled back, breathing heavily, and rested her forehead against mine. Her eyes were closed and she had the most amazing smile on her lips. I leaned in and gave her a quick peck before snuggling my face into the crook of her neck.

After a bit more snuggling and a lot more kissing we started to unpack Spencer's things. I have to say seeing her clothes hanging next to mine in the closest was one of the best things ever! Actually everything about that day was awesome. We stopped briefly for lunch and I'm sure I dazzled my girl with my stellar grilled-cheese sandwiches, before getting back to the unpacking. It took the rest of the day but finally Spencer was moved in.

While Spencer had a shower I went out and got Chinese and set up a romantic little scene in the living room. Kyla had kindly offered to stay at Aiden's (not 100% sure what's going on there) to give me and Spencer a chance to settle in. So knowing we wouldn't be interrupted I may have gone a little overboard. I put candles everywhere and turned off all the lights so the room was bathed in the gentle glow of candle light. I scattered red and white rose petals around the room and placed a large glass bowl on the coffee table which had candles in glass jars and roses floating in it. I arranges the takeout boxes on the coffee table and had a bottle of good (and by good I mean expensive) champagne chilling in ice. I put on a CD my girl had burnt for me, it had all our favourite love songs on it including Dirty Mind which I wrote for her. Once the music was playing softly I surveyed the room to make sure everything was perfect. Satisfied, I perched on the back of the sofa and waited for her to emerge.

Spencer walked out of the bathroom wearing a pair of blue and white check boxer shorts and a white tank top, her damp hair wrapped up in a knot on the top of her head. I couldn't remember her ever looking more beautiful. Spencer froze and looked around the room, the surprise on her face giving way to a blinding smile that made her eyes glow a remarkable sky blue.

"You did all this?" She asked tilting her head and looking at me with wonder.

"Yeah, I thought we should celebrate our first night in _our_ loft together," I murmured, stepping away from the sofa and pulling her into my arms. She willingly melted into my embrace. I loved that I could do that to her.

I led her to the sofa and we shared a delicious, if not slightly lukewarm, dinner. We flirted outrageously and fed each other through out dinner, while sipping champagne and toasting to our future together. We laughed and joked, held hands and long, lingering looks in the candle light. It was incredible. After we ate I pulled her to her feet and moved into her arms as we swayed to the music playing softly in the background. I felt her sign with contentment and rest her head on my shoulder. I held her closer and closed my eyes as we moved together. _This is what heaven must be like,_ I thought to myself lost in the feeling of the girl in my arms. I was pulled from my thoughts by the sensation of light kisses being traced along my neck and towards my lips.

Her lips found mine and I smiled as she moaned against me. Our hands began roaming, teasing each other as much as we could, while we hungrily kissed. Spencer dragged her lips from mine and began trailing kisses down my throat. I gasped as her tongue lapped at my pulse point and pushed her back towards the sofa. The back of her knees hit the edge and she let herself fall back onto the cushions, pulling me with her. I settled myself above her, straddling her hips as I kissed her neck, running kisses down across her collar bone. I can feel her body arching up into mine and it took all self control I had not to make love to her right there on the sofa, but for our first official night living together the sofa just wasn't going to cut it.

I pulled back and stepped off the couch. Spencer groaned in protest making me chuckle as she pouted up at me. I held out my hand and helped her from the couch to lead her to our room.

She followed me, her eyes never leaving mine. Her chest rising and falling rapidly as her breathing became more and more erratic with anticipation. Her expression became serious as we reached our bed. She reached out and pulled me to her, "I love you Ashley Davies."

"I love you to Spencer Carlin," I pushed her back onto the bed and proceeded to show her how much I loved her…several times.

**Well there's chapter 2 done and dusted, hope you liked it.**

**Chapter 3 will be coming soon.**

**Any and all reviews, feedback and ideas are appreciated.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Well the third installment is finally here! Thanks to all who have reviewed and who are getting behind this story. **

**Spashley20 you may certainly call this season 4, and thanks for your kind words.**

**Being new to the world of fanfic it has been so great to get such a positive response. I have been writing stuff for years but have never put to out there to be read before.**

**Usual disclaimer, I don't own the character, blah blah**

**All feedback appreciated ****J**

**You Have To Go There To Come Back**

**Chapter 3**

Spencer's POV

I woke up that morning with the hugest smile on my face. I felt a strong arm around my waist and soft breath tickling the back of my neck as my girl breathed in and out. I lightly stroked her arm, delighting in the joy of waking up in her arms in our bed, in our room, in our loft (ok so ours and Kyla's but at least the bed and this room is all ours!). I so wanted to lie in bed with her all day but there was the pressing matter of my bladder to contend with so I carefully slipped from the bed, careful not to wake Ashley. She looked so peaceful, a big smile on her lips as she dreamed and I really hope she's dreaming of me.

I slipped my robe on over my nakedness and slipped out of our room to head to the bathroom. On my way back to bed I heard a key in the front door and turned to see Kyla slip in with her overnight bag. "Hey Kyla," I said, making her jump.

"Shit Spencer! I didn't see you there! What are you doing up so early?" Kyla said clutching a hand to her chest, probably trying to settle her heart race after the scare I gave her.

"I couldn't sleep, I think I was too excited, but I left sleeping beauty in dreamland. Ash can be pretty scary if she's woken up before noon." We both laughed and headed into the kitchen. Kyla flicked on the coffee maker, knowing as well as I do that Ashley wasn't entirely human in the mornings until she had her dose of caffeine. I sat down at the bench and gave Kyla a grateful smile when she placed a glass of juice in front of me and settled down beside me.

"Ky, thanks so much for letting me move in here with you guys it truly means so much to me." I said giving the younger Davies sister a warm smile.

"Hey no problem Roomie," she teased, "And you are totally doing me a favour, Ash is a total freak when you're not around, can't get any sense out of her at all. So at least now that you're here she can be a human rather than the pod person she is when you're gone."

"Hey! That is so not true!" we both turned at the indignant voice behind us and I beamed when I saw my girl standing there all mussed up from sleep. Ashley grinned goofily at me and walked to my side, laying a gentle kiss on my cheek she murmured, "Good morning beautiful."

I felt a love-sick, puppy-dog look cross my face as I said, "Good morning to you too. How did you sleep Baby?"

"Better than I ever have before, now that I have you here with me," Ashley crooned to me.

"Uh guys gross, you are cute that I think I'm getting nauseous," Kyla teased as she bounded off to her bedroom with her overnight bag.

Ashley laughed after her younger sister and moved to stand between my lags. She put her hands on my waist and I wrapped my arms around her neck. She leaned forward and rested her forehead against mine, staring deeply into my eyes. "So how are you feeling this morning Ms. Carlin?" She asked with a cheeky grin.

"Happier than I have ever felt Ms. Davies. I think it had something to do with waking up in the arms of this incredibly hot brunette," I bit my lip and looked adoringly into her warm mocha eyes. "Really? Sounds hot," she said with a smirk.

"Yeah it was, if you're lucky I might introduce you to her sometime," I teased, earning a playful punch in the arm and an indignant look. I laughed and got up to make her a coffee.

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So we had a blissful honeymoon period of three months. I was on my summer break before starting at UCLA and Ashley was waiting for Madison to come back from touring with Justin Timberlake so they could get in the studio and get Madison's debut album underway. Ash did a little bit of writing but for the most part it was just us. We spent the summer at the beach, and getting to know each other in ways I had never dreamed of. We spent long nights talking and building an intimacy that was so much more than just physical. We had picnics, went on walks, went dancing, shopping out for meals. Ashley wanted to show me every place she had discovered in L.A. and seeing as she'd live there her whole life we had a lot of places to cover.

Living with her was perfect, us together was perfect. We rarely fought and when we did all it took was for one of us (usually Ash) to do something goofy and we'd both be laughing, forgetting whatever it was that we had been upset about.

Life was easy and comfortable. Ash was attentive and affectionate. She was always surprising me with little gifts or romantic gestures. She made me feel special, loved and adored. We fell easily into a domestic routine, easily adapting to living together. I've heard so many horror stories about what happens when couples move in together but it wasn't like that with us. We worked. That summer will go down as the best one I have ever had. Those three months were filled with so much joy and love.

But like they say all good things must come to an end. The honeymoon had to end sometime. The time came for us to leave our blissful summer behind and step into the real world of college and work and all that jazz. But I wasn't worried. Our love was so strong and had weathered so much, a little dose of reality couldn't shake it, could it?

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Ashley's POV

So tomorrow, tomorrow this truly incredible summer comes to an end. Spencer start's her first year at UCLA and I head into the studio to begin working with Madison and Ethan on her debut album. She's talented sure but she's still Madison so this is going to be a trying job for me to do. She better not fuck up my songs, especially 'Dirty Mind' which is planned as the first single. That song is more important to me than any I have written before, I wrote it for Spencer and if she fucks it up I will not be responsible for my actions.

I'm sitting on the sofa, guitar on my lap, watching Spencer tie herself up in knots of anxiety about her first day of college. I have to say a nervous Spencer, wringing her hands and frowning is kinda cute. Despite the cuteness I take pity on my girl, "Baby can I help you with something?"

Spencer jumped at the sound of my voice and I had to stifle a giggle, she gave me a grateful smile and said, "I think I'm ok Sweetheart I'm just nervous you know."

"Yeah I know, but Spence you're going to be great and I am so proud of you." I laid down my guitar as she wandered towards me, "Thank you Ash, I couldn't do this without you."

"Actually I'm sure you could do this without me, but I have a feeling it wouldn't be as interesting." I reached out and grasped her hips, swiftly pulling her down onto my lap. She squealed in surprise before settling her body down on top of mine, moving to lie fully against me. I felt her lips on my neck and eagerly titled my head to give her better access. Her lips made their way up to my ear and she whispered, "Don't think I don't know what you're doing."

"What?" I asked somewhat breathlessly.

"Distracting me so I won't feel nervous," she whispered her breath tickling my neck and sending thrills of pleasure threw my body.

"Is it working?" I asked with a smirk.

"Not really, I think you might have to try harder," she said with a note of challenge in her voice. Well I am always up for a challenge so I began moving my hands up her back, pulling her body as close to mine as I could get it, while at the same time I ran a line of kisses down her neck, stopping every now and then to nibble and lick and pretty much do anything in my power to drive her crazy. By the moans and gasps escaping her lips it was working.

I slid my hands down to her waist and slipped them under her tank top. As I moved my hands upwards I took her top with me, loving the feeling of her smooth skin and muscles contracting under my fingers. She raised her arms so I could get her top off and made quick work of the buttons on my vest, pulling it open before she lowered her body back against mine. I groaned at the feeling of hot skin on hot skin and slid her bra strap down her arm so I could attack her shoulder with my lips, tongue and teeth. Spencer moaned and bucked her hips against mine, trying to get a greater contact against me. I reached down and started undoing her jeans when I heard the front door slam and Kyla shriek, "Jesus guys! Just once I'd like to come home without scenes from 'Wild Things' being acted out on the couch!" Spencer ducked her head into my shoulder and I could see the blush creeping its ways up her face.

"Are you kidding Ky? If this is what it's like living here you should charge admission!" That would be Aiden, he can be such a pig sometimes.

I look over to them, Kyla is standing glaring at Aiden and he is looking like a little boy getting told off while rubbing his arm. I'm guessing Kyla thumped him one, good for her! I'm actually not sure what I ever really saw in Aiden, I mean as a friend he is ace and has been a big help for me and Spencer (when he wasn't tearing us apart) but other than that he is a bit of a tool and really can we talk about the muscles? His body is so big it makes his head look tiny!

Spencer detangled herself from me and rose to her feet, grabbing her top from where it hung on the lampshade and quickly pulling it on. I noticed Aiden staring at my girl and threw the nearest object at him. Unfortunately it was a crystal vase and I missed him, making it shatter against the wall. Everyone jumped and looked at me like I was a bit of a crazy. "Um ah sorry, but Aiden if I ever catch you drooling over my girl like that again I won't miss." Kyla turned her furious gaze back to her boyfriend and punched him again. Spencer tried, unsuccessfully I might add, to stifle a giggle.

"I'm sorry Kyla, it won't happen again," Spencer apologised for our earlier compromising position. Kyla gave her a disbelieving smile before bursting out into hysterical laughter, "Shit Spencer not even I'm naïve enough to believe that crap!"

Spencer blushed again and I had to join in the laughter. Before long my beautiful blonde gave in and laughed along with the rest of us. After the laughter had died down Spencer and I excused ourselves to go to bed, claiming an early start in the morning. Aiden and Kyla rolled their eyes and fixed us with looks that clearly said they weren't buying it before snuggling up on the sofa in front of the T.V.

I dragged Spencer into our room and pushed her back onto the bed. She scooted up to lie her head against the pillows and then beckoned me with her finger, a rather seductive grin on her gorgeous face. I didn't need to be told twice, I leapt onto the bed and quickly settled myself over her, relishing the feeling of her body beneath mine.

Spencer giggled at my eagerness, but I didn't care. I leaned down and captured her lips in a rough kiss, full of desire and want. I wanted her, no I needed her. Tomorrow was going to mean a change for us and for tonight I just wanted to be with my girl.

Spencer kissed me back with as much, if not more force and undid my vest before pushing it back off my shoulders and down off my arms. I made quick work of the tank-top I'd already taken off her once that day and started on her jeans. My skirt was undone and slid down my hips before I'd even got her zip down. We were frantic that night, clothes went flying all over the place in our desperation to feel our skin against each other. Once the clothes barrier was gone we lay against each other, stroking and teasing while enjoying the sensation of our naked bodies pressed against each other.

There is nothing quite like feeling Spencer's body against mine as we are both aching and writhing towards the edge. I have never been with someone who affects me the way she does. Being with Spencer is hot, sensual, passionate, and did I say hot? But it's also tender, loving and safe. Being with her is almost spiritual, I mean I'm not a fan of the whole God thing but Spencer is my Goddess and being in her arms, feeling her body, her hands and her mouth moving against me…well this is my heaven.

Her hands were all over me, making me feel like I was floating. I couldn't help the groans that were ripped from my lips, she is incredible. I explored her throat and chest with my tongue and fell helplessly in love with the whimpers that were coming from the back of her throat, which became a growl when my mouth reached her breasts. I love it when my baby growls.

It wasn't long before we were both lost in a sea of pleasure as we moved together towards the edge. I couldn't think or be aware of anything other than the vision beneath me. I moved against her and felt her hips buck into mine. I love making love to her and when she makes love to me, but I love it most when we make love together.

Our movements increased as we strained against one another. I can feel her getting close so I increased my movements and leaned down next to her ear so I could whisper, "Come with me Baby." I felt her muscles start to contract under me and I know I'm not far off myself. Our movements became fiercer as the sensations walked the fine line between pleasure and pain. Spencer threw her head back, her throat arched up towards me. I took that as an invitation and buried my face against her neck, loving the feeling of the vibrations as she moaned and gasped. I thrust harder against her and felt her head come forward. She bit down on my shoulder as she came, muffling her scream. That was all I needed. Feeling her come like that sent me spiraling over the edge.

I held her close as our bodies trembled and shook, stroking her gently to bring her back down to earth. I whispered, "I love you," over and over again as I kissed her sweaty forehead. She smiled up at me and I saw more love in that smile than any one else could ever bestow on me in a lifetime. I moved to lie at her side, cradling her body tightly against mine as we drifted off to sleep.

The last thing I was aware off before sleep overcame me was my Baby kissing my neck and murmuring, "I am so in love with you."

**Just a warning to all who read this story, drama is just around the corner…**

**Please Review J **


	4. Chapter 4

I **just wanna say thanks to everyone for the awesome comments, you guys have been so great!! Much love and thanks to all who have written such wonderful reviews!**

**You Have To Go There To Come Back**

**Chapter Four**

Spencer's POV

"Shit Ashley, I'm going to be late!" I yelled as I raced through the loft trying to get ready for my first day of classes at UCLA. Ok so I admit it, I was a teeny-tiny bit nervous.

"It's ok Babe, I'll drive you on my way to the studio. Don't worry I'll get you there in plenty of time, I promise," Ashley called out to me as she wandered out of the bedroom. I felt my breath catch in my throat as she walked towards me. I have no idea how she does it but she always, and I mean _always,_ looks indescribably hot. She was wearing a pair of black pin strip shorts, that showed off her toned legs to perfection with a white vest that showed off a hint of her black bra underneath. She definitely set my pulse racing. I must have been staring because suddenly she was smirking at me and asking, "You like?"

I cleared my throat and licked my lips which had gone mysteriously dry, "yeah, I don't think hot covers it." She continued to smirk in that sexy way of hers as she walked towards me. I was frozen, absolutely captivated by her. She came to a stop in front of me, barely inches between us and leaned in so her lips were barely touching mine. She whispered huskily, "Let's get you to school," before stepping back, taking my hand and leading me towards the door. I pouted as I scooped up my bag, "that was so unfair Ash, you're such a tease!"

"A tease huh?" She grinned cheekily before pushing me against the front door and capturing my lips in one of the sweetest kisses we had ever shared. "That better Baby?" she asked with a rather big smirk.

"Ah yeah much, much better!" we laughed and raced out the door hand in hand, the real world was waiting!

Ashley may have sped a little to get me to school on time, but hey having a Porsche is like daring you to drive fast, well that's always been my girl's philosophy and who am I to argue? Ash pulled up in front of my first class of the day and turned to face me, a strangely sad look on her face. "What's wrong beautiful?" I asked, gently cupping her cheek with my palm.

"It's nothing Spence, I guess I'm just bummed that our summer is over. Everything was so perfect and I just don't want it to end," Ashley took my hand in hers and stroked her thumb over my knuckles.

"I know Babe, me too. It was the best summer of my life. But it's time for us to step out into reality now. We existed in our own little bubble this summer and now it's time for us to check out. Just remember that I love you and that you and I get the happy ending, I promise." I tilted my head and smiled at my girl, loving the way her eyes lit up at my words. I felt her lean into my hand, turning her face to kiss my palm. My smile widened, "I have to go Ash or I'll be late which is so not the impression I want to make on my first day. Good luck today and don't let Madison get to you."

"I won't I promise. And Spence, don't worry about today you'll do great. I'll see you at home?"

"Yeah Babe, see you later. Love you," I leaned over and kissed her warmly on the lips.

"Love you too," she said. I slipped out of the Porsche and watched her drive away before hauling ass to my first class of my college career.

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Ashley's POV 

So I walked into the recording studio, a big goofy Spencer-induced grin on my face, when this crazy Latina (yep Madison) came barrelling towards me. "Where the hell have you been! We have so much work to do. Jesus Ashley if you aren't going to take this seriously…" she trailed off, leaving the implied threat hanging in the air. I gave her the coldest look I could and walked past her to greet Ethan, who was at least pleased to see me.

"Hey Babe, you ready to get this record made?" Ethan graced me with a kind of goofy smile and I nodded, letting him lead me through to the recording studio where we would be working. I took a good look around, _so this is where my career begins_ I thought to myself. I have to admit I was pretty excited, so long as Madison stops behaving like a royal bitch. These are my songs and if she wants them, well then she'd better stop acting like…well herself.

"Well ladies I was thinking we could go through the songs we have, start thinking about the arrangements. Also we could go over the work Ashley did over the summer on a heap of new material." Ethan shuffled the papers in his hands and pulled out some sheets of music and lyrics and a CD of the songs I'd written over the summer, which I'll say straight up are mostly about Spencer.

We spent about three hours going over the arrangement for the five songs of mine Madison had decided to use for her album. Another song writer was contributing two and Madison had decided she wanted to do a cover, although she couldn't settle on a song. That left four or five other songs for me to contribute. I had written twelve and a half over the summer and her royal-pain-in-the-assness just needed to pick some for us to work on.

"Hmm I dunno, I like these ones but I think this one will be a better single," Madison said, still deliberating over my songs. I rolled my eyes and stood up. "Well you keep thinking toots and I'm off to get food before I pass out," I wandered out of the room to Madison's outraged gasps. Seriously though if I didn't get out of there I was fairly certain I might stab her in the jugular with my guitar pick, not the most lethal of weapons I grant you but I'm pretty sure it will at least sting a bit.

I left the building and walked to a nearby café that I've always liked, my Dad used to bring me here when I was little. I settled in a booth at the back and tried to calm myself down. I mean me and Madison got along a whole lot better now than we did only a year ago, but she could still be a complete diva sometimes…or all the time.

I was distracted from my thoughts when my cell started to vibrate with an incoming text message. I looked at my phone and the biggest smile spread across my face, a smile that could only be caused by, yep you guessed it, Spencer.

-Hey Pretty Girl! Class was grt, scary but grt. Remember don't let Madison get u down, u r so talented & ur songs are beyond wonderful. Love U xox

God she always makes me feel better, with nothing more than a touch, a word, a gesture, she makes my world alright again. I smile softly to myself as I quickly send back a response.

-Hey Baby! Glad ur class went well, im so proud of u!! thanks for ur text, u have no idea how much I needed to hear that. Love u and I'll see u at home xoxo

Feeling a million times better I finished my lunch and headed back to the studio, feeling ready to work and not beat Madison to death with blunt objects…like my fists.

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Spencer's POV

I got home from college at about 4pm, today was my big day for the week, actually my schedule wasn't so bad. I had classes from 9 til 4 Mondays, 10 til 3 Tuesdays, 9 til 12 Wednesdays and 10 til 2 on Thursdays. Blessed that I am I had Fridays free! It was a hella good class schedule. It actually worked really well because I'd decided I wanted to get a job, I hate sponging off Ashley for everything. I know she doesn't mind but I seriously do. I never want her to think I'm only with her because she supports me. It's bad enough I'm living rent and utility free in her and Kyla's loft, I can't let her keep buying everything for me.

I settled at the bench in the kitchen and started going through my readings for class, a huge and much needed glass of cold Coke by my side. It was really exciting being in this environment with people who are so passionate about learning and all that. It made me feel like all I want to achieve is possible, that my dreams for the future were just within reach. I was disturbed from my reading by my cell phone.

"Hello?"

"Hey Spencer its Lily Zee how was your first day?" I grinned, Lily had become a great friend of mine and was also my mentor in all things documentary. We had bonded instantly and remained really close.

"Hey Lil, it was incredible. I just feel so excited, so passionate and so ready to be in this world, you know, where people are moving on from the bullshit of high school. I think I'm in love with college!"

Lily laughed, "You so won't be saying that when you reach your first mid-terms or all nighter spent doing a paper instead of Ashley."

I snorted with laughter, ok so I know snorting is not attractive, but hey despite what Ashley says I'm not perfect! I choked back my laughter and replied, "Maybe your right, I guess we'll see, but as of right now, one day into this, I kinda love it."

"I'm happy to hear you say that, but I actually called for another reason," Lily said with a faint note of excitement in her voice.

"Oh yeah? What's up Lil?" I asked, rather intrigued.

"Well I actually have a proposition for you. Something that will benefit us both."

"Lil is this a sex thing? Coz you know I get all I need here at home," I teased.

Lily laughed and croaked out, "No nothing like that, get your mind out of the gutter Carlin. Actually I'm about to start production on this new documentary on this local band who won this MTV new talent scouting comp. It's going to be shown on MTV over a series of about six weeks so it's a pretty big production and I'm going to be needing a production assistant," I think my mind exploded right…now, "and I want you."

I sat in stunned silence, my mouth opening and closing like a dying fish, sexy I know. "Spence you there? Are you doing the dying fish impression again?" Now that's embarrassing. "Um no, I guess I'm just shocked Lil. I mean I have absolutely no experience!"

"Yeah and how do you think you get experience Spencer? So what do you say? We'll fit it in around your classes, pay won't be great but it's a great start for you," Lily said, a grin evident in her voice.

"If you're serious then I am so in! Thank you so much Lily, this a dream!" I gushed, getting up and doing my little happy dance.

"Spence are you doing the happy dance?" Shit I need to find friends who don't know what a dork I can be! Lily laughed and continued, "But yeah I'm serious. I emailed you the details so check them out. Oh and email me your class schedule and we'll sort out a roster of sorts for you. What time do you finish class tomorrow?"

"Um I'm done at 3 tomorrow," I answered, still beaming excitedly.

"Great, well how about we meet at Egocentric at 4 and go over all the details, get the ball rolling?" My God am I dreaming?!

"Yeah that'd be so great. Lil, thanks so much for this, you are the best!"

"I know I am," Lily laughed, "See you tomorrow Carlin."

"Yeah see you and thanks again!" we hung up and I hugged myself as I continued my happy dance. I got pretty into my moves when I was frozen by someone clearing their voice behind me. I slowly turned around to see Kyla and Aiden standing behind me with extremely amused grins on their faces. "Ah…Um…ah…fuck," was all I could say, which made them both burst out into hysterical laughter. One thing I can't resist is laughter so before long I was cackling right along with them.

Once we got ourselves under control I told them the good news. They were so happy for me.

"Spence that is seriously awesome! Oh my God we so need to celebrate!" Kyla gushed while rushing forward to envelope me in a big hug. Sometimes I think the younger Davies sister really needs to lay off the red cordial, but hey I love her anyway.

"Yeah Spence that is fantastic, you so deserve this!" Aiden said excitedly sweeping me up in his arms and spinning me around. I laughed and hugged him tighter. It was awesome that he and I could still be friends after everything that has happened in the love triangle that was him, me and Ashley.

"Thanks guys, I think I'm still in a bit of shock to be honest, but this is such an amazing opportunity for me! Shit I'm so excited I can't even stand still!!" I jumped up and down a few times while they laughed at me again, ok so maybe _I _need to lay off the red cordial!

"So celebration?" Kyla asked, on my doubtful look she said, "Oh no Spencer Carlin we are so celebrating this!"

"Celebrating what?" Came the voice I had been so waiting to hear. I spun around and run across the room to throw myself into Ashley's arms. I jumped into her arms and spun her around in excitement. "Hey Baby!"

"Hey Gorgeous, celebrating what?" She asked again with curious smile.

"Well your oh so talented girlfriend has scored herself a job working with Lily Zee on a doco series for MTV!" Kyla announced, I grinned over at her. It was so awesome to have friends who were so excited for me. I was smiling so wide it felt like my face was going to split in half.

"Wait what?! What the hell are you talking about?" Ashley asked, an unreadable expression on her face. Ok so this was not the response I was expecting. I was expecting something more in line with the response I'd gotten from Kyla and Aiden. I felt my smile start to falter a bit.

"Ah, Lily called and offered me a job as her production assistant. She said we'll fit it in around my classes and stuff. It's a fantastic opportunity for me Ash and I'm really thrilled about it," I paused, waiting for her to say something which she didn't she just kind of looked at me like I was crazy as the minutes ticked by, ok so it was more like seconds but it felt like ages. Finally I snapped, "Jesus Ashley say something!" She started doing her own version of the dead fish impersonation while avoiding eye contact with me. I let her silence go on a bit longer before I'd had enough, "Fine. Thanks for your support Ashley!" I grabbed my bag and stormed out of the loft. All very dramatic I know, but I just had to get out of there.

"Spence wait!" I stopped, surprised to see Kyla running after me. I gave her an expectant look. "She can be a jackass sometimes, she did not handle that well and trust me she knows it if Aiden's shouting is anything to go by." She put a hand on my shoulder and I listened to Aiden ripping into Ashley for being, in his words, 'a self-centred toerag'.

"I need some air," I said softly. Kyla took hold of my arm and led me towards the lift. She gave me a warm smile, "let me treat you to coffee and one of those donuts you love." I fixed her with a grateful smile and nodded. God I could really use that donut!

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Ashley's POV

I'm not entirely sure why I reacted so badly to the news of Spencer's new job, surprised I guess. I felt like a complete shit when she stormed out, and felt like an even bigger shit when my sister ran after her and then felt like the biggest shit in the history of the world when Aiden started tearing me a new one.

"Ashley, what the fuck was that! She was so excited and then you just destroyed it, you are a self-centred toerag!" I winced at his words and looked down at the floor, shame flooding my face. "What the hell is the matter with you?!" Aiden demanded. I have to say it has been a long time since I've seen him this pissed off with me.

"Fuck Aid I don't know. I guess I was just surprised and I um I handled it badly. Shit I am such a bitch!" I berated myself.

"You won't hear me arguing with you. Jesus Ash, she was so happy, this means the world to her, it is such an awesome opportunity and you couldn't even pretend to be happy for her! You know if the situation was reversed she would have been so excited and supportive of you, just like she has been about your music." Aiden shook his head and I had to look away, the look of disappointment on his face just too much to take.

"I know Aiden I fucked up! I am well aware of that so can you just stop playing big brother? Fuck!" I tangled my hand in my hair and started pacing across the living room floor. Aiden was right I am a total toerag! I felt so angry with myself and all I wanted was to see Spencer so I could make it right.

Aiden's phone started to ring, a ring tone which I knew to be Kyla's. "Hey Ky…yeah I know it was pretty crappy," I hung my head in shame, "is Spencer alright?... Uh huh, ok ….alright. Yeah ok…see you later, bye." Aiden snapped shut his cell phone and looked over at me, "Spencer is alright, upset but alright. They're getting coffee and will be back later on. Kyla told me to tell you to remember that this is about Spencer not you. Right well I gotta go Ash, don't fuck this up," Aiden warned me. He picked up his jacket and walked out of the loft. I sat my stupid ass down on the sofa and waited for Spencer and Kyla to get back.

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Spencer's POV

After a rather strong cup of coffee, a few tears, some nasty words about Ashley (all Kyla by the way) and two huge chocolate covered donuts I was ready to head home and face my girl. Kyla looped her arm through mine as we walked the short distance back to the building that housed the loft.

"Spence if she acts like an arse again you have my permission to bitch slap her ok?" Kyla told me with a smirk.

"Got it," I laughed and then got all serious, "Hey Ky, thanks for being awesome."

"Yeah I really am!" Kyla laughed and I gave her a playful punch in the arm.

"Wow Ashley really rubbed off on you huh?" We laughed the whole ride up in the lift. I paused when we reached the door to the loft and took a deep breath. Kyla gave me a look of pure understanding. I squeezed her hand and pushed open the door.

I scanned the living room and found a very contrite Ashley sitting on the sofa, her gorgeous mocha eyes huge and sad. Kyla silently slipped into her bedroom and I bit my lip as I stared into the big brown eyes that bore into mine from across the room.

"Hey," I said tentatively as I walked slowly into the room. I put my bag down on the bench and walked over to sit on the coffee table in front of her.

She swallowed audibly and whispered, "I'm so sorry Spence."

"It's ok, I just wish I understood why you reacted like that," I said rubbing my temple, the high emotion of the afternoon was seriously giving me a headache.

"I guess…I guess I was surprised and I handled it badly. I also had a really stressful day today, let's just say that Latina Diva is damn lucky she still has vocal cords. I'm sorry Spence, I'm happy for you, really." Ashley looked down at her hands. I was still confused I have to admit.

"I still don't get it Ash. Can't you see what an amazing opportunity this is for me? This kind of opportunity just doesn't happen to people, especially college freshmen with no real experience. Lily is offering me an incredible opportunity and it would be so nice if you could be supportive of that," I looked down at my hands as I leaned my elbows on my legs and my hands clenched together. While I was watching my hands I saw Ashley's move to cover them.

"Spence, I'm sorry. I'm a shit and I reacted like a complete selfish bitch. I promise that I am so happy for you and I will be so supportive that I will drive you crazy." I felt a small smile begin to form on my lips, damn why can't I stay mad at her! I look up and my eyes locked on hers, which were pleading with me to forgive her.

"It's ok Ash, I might have overreacted a bit. It's not like I really gave you a chance to absorb it or anything, I just bolted."

Ashley shook her head, "Nope sorry Carlin you don't get to take any of the blame this time, it was all me. Let me make it up to you?" Ashley glanced up at me from under her long, thick eye lashes, a seductive grin making its way onto her lips.

"Hmm what did you have in mind?" I played along, intertwining our fingers.

"Well I was planning on making you dinner to celebrate our first days but from that chocolate smear on your lip I assume you're full up on donuts," I laughed, my girl knew me far too well, "So instead how about I run a bath and we get in their with some fruit, wine, candles and bubbles and you tell me all about this job."

I beamed, "That sounds perfect," Ashley jumped up to go and get everything ready, "Ash?" she stopped and looked back at me an expectant smile on her face, "I love you Baby."

Her smile grew into that sexy, heart-stopping nose-crinkling smile that set my whole body and soul on fire, "I love you too beautiful." She blew me a kiss before disappearing into the bathroom. I smiled to myself, so first day in the real world and despite a minor hiccup we were doing ok.

I just hope we stay ok.

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**So I promised drama, this was not it…**

**Stay tuned for the next instalment!**

**Something you guys kinda need to know about me I like to make my characters earn their happy ending. Some of you may not like me a hell of a lot for what is going to happen but I ask you to bear with me and trust that I want the happy ending too.**

**Mb168 – I hear you and I agree couples that keep breaking up don't usually last the distance, but I cannot promise the drama will be resolved within two chapters. I hope you will give this story a chance, drama and all.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Well here is chapter five for you guys. I'm not sure how I feel about this chapter, but it is important in the story to get us to the next part. **

**Snowdrop1026 – I will try not to break your heart!**

**Mb168 –The world outside of high school is vastly different and that's what I'm trying to explore here. Thanks for giving the drama a chance.**

**I hope you enjoy this instalment…**

**Chapter Five**

Spencer's POV

I walked into Egocentric at exactly 3.55pm to meet Lily. She was already seated at a table along the far wall so I waved and made my way over to join her. Lily had been truly amazing to me. She was like the older sister I never had (although Glen could have his girly moments) and the mentor I had always needed. She was always so good to me, guiding me and letting me bombard her with endless questions. She was one of my closest friends and I was lucky to have her.

"Hey Spence, I'm so glad you're here!" Lily got up to greet me with a kiss on the cheek and a warm hug. We settled back down and ordered cappuccinos from a passing waitress. I was so excited that I was kind of bouncing in my chair like a kid in dire need of Ritalin.

Me and my girl had talked about the job offer from Lily for hours last night. We hashed it all out and now I was more excited than ever. I love Ashley and I was so glad she had been able to get behind this and support me, because to be perfectly honest if she hadn't gotten on board I would have had to turned it down. She is my everything and nothing, I mean _nothing_, is more important than that.

"So you still interested my little job offer?" Lily asked with a teasing smile, she knew how badly I wanted this.

"Oh absolutely. Ash was a bit weird at first but she's totally on board now and seems to be really happy for me," I said, leaning forward to rest my elbows on the table.

"Really? Did she say why she was acting weird? I have to say that I'm surprised she wasn't bouncing off the walls like you were," Lily said with a look somewhere between concern and annoyance (at Ashley not me). Like I said Lily was like my older sister and she could be pretty protective of me.

"Um I think she was just shocked, surprised that I was looking for work. But it doesn't matter because it's all good now," I forced a smile to reassure her before I continued, "So I uh read the email you sent me and I am really excited, this band sounds really good," I changed the subject. Even though I had forgiven Ash, I'd be lying if I didn't admit that it kinda hurt that she wasn't happy for me, initially at least.

Lily gave a me look that said she knew I was changing the subject and would let it slide, for the time being. "Yeah they're really talented and really awesome people, it will be a blast hanging with them while we work on this. So I have the shooting schedule here and I thought we could go over it and pencil in when you're free to work?"

We spent the next hour planning the next six weeks of shooting, this job was going to require a fair amount of my time, but hell it's only for six weeks and I would be insane to forego such an incredible opportunity. Between school, homework and working with Lily the next six weeks were going to be crazy busy. I really hoped Ashley would understand.

We talked for another two hours. Work was a major topic for us but one of the things I've always liked about Lily was the fact that we could talk about anything or nothing. Seriously she was the coolest surrogate big sister I could have ever had! We parted ways a little after seven and I headed home. I was bursting to see Ashley, after spending three months where were saw each other 90 per cent of the day, it was hard being away from her. Plus I was excited to tell her about my meeting with Lily.

I raced out of Egocentric and jumped into my sexy little dark blue Mini Cooper convertible. God I love that car! It had been a combined graduation and moving out present from Mom, Dad, Glen and Ashley. Josie, as my Mini baby was affectionately named, was awesome and it always made me so happy to drive her around, top down and music blaring.

I arrived home fairly quickly and unlocked our front door, thrilled at the thought of seeing my girl. I have to say I was not expecting the sight I found when I got home.

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Ashley's POV

Ok so it had been an unbelievably crappy day so far. Fucking Madison was being so totally unreasonable. She wanted a song I'd written, but wasn't happy with the music I'd written to go with the lyrics. As a result I spent the better part of my day locked in the studio trying to come up with music that would please the Latina Diva. I always pur my heart and soul into my songs (which is why so many are about Spencer) so I tend to take criticism rather personally.

Needless to say, by the time I left work I was a bit frazzled. I knew what I needed to make it all better, Spencer. I couldn't help but think back to the night before when she had told me about her new job with Lily. I had behaved like a total ass, God I am just lucky that my girl is so sweet and forgiving! I think it just hit me that we were totally going to be living separate lives. I guess I just never thought about what would happen when adulthood hit us. I was so busy freaking out about her moving away to college and falling deeper in love with her I really didn't think too carefully about the grown up world waiting for us.

I wanted Spencer to have the life and career she wants but it felt weird to think of her having this huge chunk of her life that I wasn't a part of. Maybe I also liked the idea of taking care of her you know, providing for her.

I really wanted to make it up to her so on my way home I brought some pizza and the garlic bread she loves so much. She had a meeting with Lily but it was like 6.30 so she should be home by now. I arrived home at just before seven and quickly got to work.

I spread a table cloth over the coffee table and lit a few candles before laying out the food. I retrieved a bottle of good red wine, which Spencer had developed a taste for, from the kitchen and set it up with two glasses. I was at the mirror checking my reflection when the front door opened to reveal my girl.

God she looked so good! She was flushed with excitement and bubbly with happiness. Her big baby blues were shining and her heart-breaking smile was firmly in place. God I can't believe how much I love her, how in love with her I am. She was wearing a pair of torn, light blue jeans and a green, halter-neck top that showed off generous amounts of tanned skin on her back. She had her bag slung over her shoulder and her favourite pair or purple Converses on her feet. Damn, my girl is hot!

She stopped dead on the threshold and surveyed the room, her truly remarkable blue eyes found mine and she murmured, "what's all this for?"

"Because I love you and I am so proud of you," I started to walk slowly towards her, my eyes never leaving hers, "Because I'm happy for you and I'm sorry for being a bitch yesterday. But mostly because you are my everything and I will do anything if it means I get to see that gorgeous smile on your face." I reached her side and gently held her face in my palms, "I love you Spencer Carlin."

Her smile became tender, that special smile that is reserved just for me, "I love you too."

I leaned in and kissed her as softly as I could, a feather light touch against her full, luscious lips. She moaned and cradled the back of my neck, pulling me closer and deepening the kiss. My God she tastes so good! We stood there kissing in the doorway for a few minutes before Spencer pulled back, pecked me affectionately on the cheek and wandered over to the sofa. She closed her eyes and breathed in deeply, "Hmm pizza is exactly what I need right now, thank you Pretty Girl." I grinned goofily, I kinda love it when she calls me that.

We sat Indian style on the rug and stuffed ourselves with pizza and garlic bread. I had to laugh when I noticed the dab of pizza sauce sitting on her nose. Spencer tilted her head and looked at me with curiosity, "What are you laughing at Davies?" I just laughed harder, she was so undeniably cute! "What?!"

I smirked at her, getting my laughter under control with some difficulty. I pointed to her nose and said softly, "You have a little something." I leaned in and very delicately wiped the sauce off her nose. Her smile became softer, sweeter as she looked deeply into my eye. All thoughts left my mind, beside the absolute certainty that she was the love of my life. Spencer leaned back against the sofa and opened up her arms to me. I settled into her embrace, my cheek pillowed over her heart.

"Ashley?" She murmured softly, burying her face in my hair.

"Yeah Baby?"

"I um start work with Lily tomorrow after class," She said hesitantly, like she was scared I was going to behave like a brat again. I understood her fear considering how I had reacted the night before.

"Ok so you'll be working a few hours a week then? It'll be great Spence!" I felt her body tense beneath mine and immediately got worried. "What is it?" I asked with a frown.

"Um well when I met with Lil today we put together a work roster for me for the next six weeks. I um have it here," Spencer got up from the floor and walked to her bag, pulling out a piece of paper she took a seat on the sofa behind me and passed it over. I scanned the page in disbelief. She had committed herself to work six days a week, filling in almost all of her spare time! Between this job, school and her homework I was never going to see her! I couldn't believe she would take on such a huge commitment without talking to me about it first. I sat in shocked silence for a while. Spencer started to sit up straighter and crossed her arms over her chest, a frown appearing on her mouth. I could tell she was just waiting for me to act like an ass again.

I knew I had to be reasonable, to not behave like I had the day before. I wanted what was best for her and for her to live her dreams but I also wanted to see her occasionally! I cleared my throat and gave her a small smile, "I'm happy for you Spence, I really am, but I'm just wondering when we'll get to see each other during all this?"

Her frown deepened, "Look I know I'm going to be busy and I'm sorry I won't be around but this is something I want, no _have_, to do. Please just tell me that we'll be ok?" Spencer pleaded, her blue eyes begging me to be supportive this time.

I got up and sat beside her on the couch, wrapping my arm around her shoulders, "Baby of course we'll be ok, we'll be more than ok," I leaned in and kissed her adoringly on the lips, holding her close in my arms. She snuggled into me as we sat there, enjoying the feeling of being together.

I sighed as my cell started to ring and regretfully slid out of my girl's arms. I trotted over to the bench and picked up my phone. I rolled my eyes when I saw the name on my caller id, "Hello Madison, what can I do for you?"

"_Well Chica we have work to do and I need you here, so step away from the Spencer and get your butt to the studio."_

"What are you talking about, it's…" I glanced at my clock over the stove, "almost 9!!"

"_Yeah and we have an album to make, I've been here since 9 this morning so the least you can do is come in for a few hours now and actually act like you give a crap!"_

I groaned in frustration and looked over at my girlfriend, who was looking like she was on the cusp of becoming really pissed off, "Sure Madison I'll be there in 20 minutes." Ok now my girlfriend is pissed off. Madison hung up without another word and I snapped my phone closed before walking over to Spencer.

"Well I guess you heard that huh? I gotta go back into work, I'm sorry Baby," I put a hand on her shoulder and squeezed gently.

Spencer sighed and gave me a small, tight smile, "its ok Ash I understand, but I may run Madison down with my car if this becomes a habit." I laughed, kind of relieved. I'd much rather her wanting to murder Madison than me! I kissed my girl goodbye and head back to the studio. Life can just simply suck sometimes!

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Spencer's POV

The next month and a bit were hectic to say the least. Ashley was constantly at the studio, Madison was being her usual demanding and self-centred self which meant Ashley was practically at her beck and call. She was working odd hours and you could see the toll it was starting to have on her and it was really worrying me. She would come home exhausted and an exhausted Ashley is a moody Ashley. Me and Kyla unfortunately bore the brunt of it. I took it though, I understood that she was just stressed and overwhelmed, I hated seeing her like that.

As for me I was loving college and working with Lily. I was learning so much and found it all so inspiring. It made me certain that this was the career I wanted. I'd be lying if I said the hours weren't absolutely exhausting me. I was working like twelve hours, six days a week between college and work and then you add homework to the mix and I was busy. Me and Ash barely saw each other. She often stumbled into bed after I was asleep and more often than not I got up leaving her comatosed. I just kept telling myself it wasn't forever, my job was just six weeks, two to go. I mean Lily had offered me ongoing work with her which wouldn't require such a huge time commitment, but I hadn't given her an answer yet. I really needed to talk to Ashley about it.

It was Saturday afternoon and I had managed to leave work early. The band had a gig in a local club that night which I was required to attend, but my girl had promised to come with me so I didn't mind in the slightest. Quite a few of our plans of late had been disrupted because of Ashley getting called into work or me being busy with college and the doco so this night was much needed. I mean I saw her everyday but I was missing her intensely.

Ashley had been called into the studio just after breakfast, which we shared in bed…naked, and had run out promising to be back in time to head to this gig. That morning had been the first time we'd made love in a week and to say I was starting to get a little desperate to be with her is an understatement. I will just say though being woken up by my totally hot girlfriend kissing her way up my inner thigh is the greatest. If I had to pick a way to wake up every day for the rest of my life, that'd be it.

Kyla had stayed at Aiden's last night so I had the loft to myself and I took advantage of the quiet to work on a paper I had due the following week. I worked all morning and afternoon and I have to say I was pretty proud when I finished the paper in perfect time to start getting ready for the gig. I got up and took a shower and did my makeup before padding into the bedroom to decide what to wear.

I had finally decided on an outfit and had started getting dressed, ok so I was wearing my strapless bra and boy shorts, when Ashley rushed into our bedroom. She crossed the floor and pulled me into a ferocious hug. I think she may have winded me. "Hey there Baby, if this is what you're planning to wear tonight I may be a little over-dressed," Ashley swept her eyes over my barely dressed body with an endearingly sexy smirk.

I laughed, "Ash this is totally more than you usually wear out of the house. But if it makes you feel better I'll cover up a bit," I teased her with a smirk of my own.

Ashley playfully swatted my arm and then smiled sweetly at me, "Yeah this view should always be for my eyes only. Come on hot stuff let's get ready and head out." Ashley pecked me on the cheek before disappearing into the bathroom to get ready. I smiled to myself as I watched my insanely beautiful girlfriend, ok I'll admit it I was totally staring at her ass, God I felt blessed.

I slipped on the backbone of any girls wardrobe, a little black dress and stepped into a pair of green pumps. My dress was like a short toga, it was gathered in a strap over my right shoulder, leaving my left bare. It was gathered in at my waist on the right with a green and silver clip and fell to about mid-thigh. I stepped up to the mirror in our bedroom and smoothed my hair down before pinning it half up in soft waves. I slipped in a pair of funky, dangling silver and emerald earrings and added a silver and green bangle to my left wrist. A dab of perfume later and I was ready.

I perched on the bed and waited for Ash to finish getting ready, as Aiden once told me 'to know Ashley is to wait for Ashley' she always looked hot though so I can't really complain about her prep time. A few minutes later she strode out of the bathroom looking so gorgeous I was seriously considering blowing off this gig and having my way with her and would have if it wouldn't have totally cost me my job. She was wearing a short black skirt and a silver halter-neck top with insanely high black stilettos. She was seriously hot!

She had started to walk towards me when her cell phone rang, she smiled at me apologetically before taking it out of her bag answering it. I listened in and closed my eyes in frustration when I heard my girlfriend murmur the sentence I was learning to really hate, "I'll be right there." I felt my hands become fists and had to fight the urge to yell. If only this was the first time this had happened then maybe I wouldn't have gotten so pissed off and hurt, but the bloody studio always seemed to pull her away at the most inopportune times and it was really starting to get to me.

Ashley looked at me almost fearfully, clearly reading the fact that I was far from happy, "I uh, I'm so sorry Spence but I have to go into the studio."

I shook my head and stood up from the bed, "Why am I even surprised?! Do whatever the fuck you want Ashley, but I have to go." I stormed out of the bedroom, Ashley hot on my heels.

"Spencer! You know I don't want to go, they need me…"

I cut her off, "You know what, so do I. Ashley…I… just wanted to be with you tonight, I wanted you to be apart of _my_ job for a change after all those industry parties I've followed you to. Look you just do what you have to do and I guess I'll see you when I see you." I sighed, gave her a sad smile and walked out of the loft softly closing the door behind me. I blinked back tears as I left the building. This was going to be a hell of a long night!

-------

Ashley's POV

I watched Spencer smile sadly, her beautiful blue eyes begging me to do anything to stop the hurt. Her gaze held mine as she clutched her bag and as she walked out of the loft I hated the world. I was so angry at Madison and the record label for dragging away from my girl and for making me break a promise to her, I was angry at myself for not telling them to piss off and I was also a bit angry at Spencer for not understanding that this was my job and I didn't really have a choice. I mean she has always been so supportive of my music and now that I'm really starting to get a break she gets mad at me because I can't go to some little gig.

Couldn't she see that I needed her to be there for me? It was all so crazy and overwhelming. This job was really getting to me and I just wanted Spencer to understand that. I sighed and grabbed my keys before heading back to work.

It was exhausting. Madison was being a royal bitch again and nothing I did was good enough for her. We worked for hours without seeming to actually accomplish anything. We almost came to blows at one point when she accused me of only being able to write sappy love songs, which is totally untrue. I then accused her of passing crabs around to all the jocks at school, low blow I know, which led to her saying some rather unsavoury things about my love life, which according to her involves a variety of farmyard animals. Oh and then she made a monumental mistake and told me that Spencer was only with me until something better came along and that I would fuck her over just like I did to everyone else.

I saw red.

I launched myself at her and would have scratched the shit out of her face if Ethan hadn't grabbed me and held me back. Needless to say the work was done for the night. I was so wound up and I couldn't face the thought of going home to an empty apartment so I went to a bar. It was stupid but I was feeling so out of sorts after fighting with Spencer and then Madison, so I had a drink…or 12. I was so drunk by the time I stumbled back to the loft at like 4am that I actually tried to get into the wrong apartment…twice.

I stumbled in and found Spencer sitting on the couch, her eyes closed and her head resting against the cushions. Even in sleep her face was creased with worry. I shut the door quietly, trying not to wake her and then really elegantly tripped over the purse I had just dropped on the floor. "Fuck, Shit!" I cursed as I hit the ground. Spencer jumped up from the couch and raced to my side.

"Ash, shit you alright?" I rolled over and started to cackle like a hyena on meth. Spencer looked down at me then shook her head with disgust, "You're drunk."

"No shit Spence-lock, Ha-ha you see what I did there? Spence-lock, Sherlock, hehe," I slurred struggling to get to my feet. Spencer grudgingly helped me stand up and half dragged me towards the bedroom. She dumped me rather unceremoniously on the bed and stood against the wall with her arms crossed over her chest. "What's going on Ash? Do you have any idea how worried I've been?"

"Get off my back Spencer. Fuck! All you do is nag at me. All I fucking hear is you bitching at me about my fucking job. It's been a stressful week and a shitty night so I had a few drinks. Would you just back the fuck off. You're not my fucking mother so lay off," I snapped. I lifted my head off the bed and glared at her.

Spencer flinched like I had just slapped her. I was too drunk to care. I slumped back on the bed, completely passed out.

I woke up the next morning, alone. I felt like utter shit, completely self-inflicted mind you. I scanned the room for signs of Spencer and noticed a bottle of water and packet of pain killers next to the bed with a note. I carefully and gingerly moved across the bed and picked up the note. I gave my head a chance to stop spinning before unfolding the paper and reading what Spencer had written.

**Ash – **

**I have no idea what happened last night, why you said those things. I understand that you're stressed honey, I really do but please remember that I'm on your side and that I love you. I went to see Mom and Dad but will be home later.**

**Drink the water and I'll see you when I get home. **

**Call me if you need anything**

**Love Always,**

**S**

**Xox**

My God I am such a shit! The night before came rushing back to me and I feel like the toerag Aiden accused me of being. I settled back in our bed, feeling my stomach churn, and not just from my hangover. I was so lucky that Spencer was so understanding, God I love her so much. If I actually believed in God this would have been the perfect time to pray that everything would be ok. Instead I cried, a lot, and tried in vain to sort through the mess in my head.

I lazed around in bed most of the morning, feeling so completely wretched I was positive that I was gonna die. Around lunch time I got my sorry ass up to shower and get dressed. I called a florist and had a bouquet of different coloured roses delivered (I was feeling too crappy to go out and get them) and opened up a packet of chocolate donuts I had hidden from Spencer (if I didn't hide them then she would gorge herself on them and get a tummy ache…it had happened on more than one occasion). I curled up on the sofa to wait for my girl to come home.

I must have dozed off because I was woken up by this vision sitting next to me and kissing me softly on the cheek. I smiled up into the face of my angel as she tenderly stroked my hair back from my face.

"Hey there, you feeling ok?" Spencer asked me softly, concern evident on her face. I had actually sort of expected her to be furious with me or at least a bit withdrawn, but no my girl was worried about me, I really did not deserve her.

"Spence, I'm so sorry for last night, for not going to the gig with you and for the way I treated you when I came home. I'm really so sorry," I hung my head and looked at the throw rug sitting over my knees.

Spencer tenderly reached out and lifted my chin so I was looking into her expressive blue eyes. All I saw was love. "Pretty Girl, listen to me ok I love you so that means I forgive you. I understand you had to work I was just disappointed because I had been looking forward to being with you. This job of yours is stressful and time consuming and I get it. I can see what it is doing to you and I'm worried that's all. I'm here if you need me Ash. Things are a bit rough right now with both of us working so much but we'll be alright. Hey we're Spashley so we will always be alright." Spencer smiled at me and kissed me lovingly before pulling me warmly against her chest. I sighed with pleasure and snuggled into her embrace.

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Spencer's POV

I held her in my arms, trying to hold back the tears that were threatening to spill over. I know I told her everything was alright but this is killing me. The last month and a bit has been harder than I ever imagined it could be. I love her and I want everything to be ok, but it isn't. I am getting so fed up with playing the punching bag, I barely see her and when I do it usually turns into a fight. It just hurts.

You know what it doesn't matter, I'll support her through this. Things have to get better, I just didn't realise that life after high school would be so hard.

**Chapter 6 will be up soon, let me know what you think of chapter 5. As I said not sure how I feel about it but it is necessary to the direction the story is progressing.**

**Please read and review!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Well some of you guys really aren't going to like me much over the coming chapters, but I hope you stick with the story. **

**If you want the rainbow you gotta put up with some rain…**

**LoveAsh87 – yeah it is hard seeing their jobs cause so much strain on the relationship, but I guess it happens to the best of couples. Being 18 and newly out in the big bad world our girls are likely to encounter some problems. Thanks for the review!**

**C-Olive – I agree, I feel sorry for Spencer too (and I feel guilty that my imagination is putting her through this) and yeah Madison is a bitch, I love the character but always preferred her being her bitchy self. **

**Thanks for all the wonderful reviews so far and thanks to all who are sticking with this story!!**

**Flashback in italics.**

**You Have To Go There To Come Back**

**Chapter Six**

Spencer's POV

I watched the screen in front of me intently. Lily and I were viewing the final edit of the last episode of the documentary series. It had been a long slog but we were done. Six weeks of filming, two weeks of post-production and here we are. The series would be aired the following month on MTV over six weeks. Watching the images moving on the screen gave me an intense feeling of accomplishment. I was so glad I'd been given this opportunity.

As the end credits rolled (with me name in them!!) I turned to Lily and we shared a huge grin. "So Spence how does it feel to see the product of eight weeks of hard work up there on the screen?" Lily asked.

"Lil it is completely amazing! Oh my God thank you so much for this opportunity! I can't believe we did it!" I gushed, I was practically bouncing in my seat with excitement, yeah ok so I may have also been on a sugar high from the two donuts I'd just eaten, there's a reason why Ashley hides them from me at home.

Lily laughed and squeezed my hand, "Spence it was nothing, you did a fantastic job, and I wasn't the only one who noticed. Actually my boss wanted me to ask you again if you'd like to make this a regular thing, you know be my production assistant on a part time basis. I know I already asked you but girl you still haven't given me an answer. Don't tell me you don't want this, because I know you do," she paused and looked into my eyes. Damn my eyes, why are they so easy to read!! "Spence, you haven't talked to Ashley about it yet have you?"

I lowered my head and stared at my shoes, "No, look I know what you're going to say Lil, that this is my decision and career we're talking about, that this is a once in a lifetime opportunity that I'd be crazy to pass up. I know all that, it's just…things between me and Ash have been pretty tense lately. She is so beyond stressed with work right now, we never see each other and when we do I can't seem to do anything right. Every word out of my mouth seems to piss her off. I just don't want to start world war three by accepting this job." I buried my head in my hands unable to hold in the tears anymore. Lily put a comforting arm around my shoulders and gave me a gentle squeeze.

Things with Ashley had been going from bad to worse. Every day was a constant battle. She was always moody and snapped at me and Kyla endlessly. It had gotten so bad that Kyla was more often than not at Aiden's, leaving me to face the full brunt of the storm. I tried so hard to be supportive and to make life easier for her but she just kept throwing it back in my face.

I couldn't help but think back to particularly nasty fight we'd had a few nights earlier.

_I came home from work feeling great, the post production work on the doco was going really well and we were almost finished. I was so proud of the work we were doing, this band was something else, really talented and with a huge social conscious. Things had been tense at home, so I wanted to try yet again to do something to make Ashley feel better. _

_On my way home I stopped by my parent's where my Dad had made the homemade pizzas Ashley and I love so much. He is the most awesome father in the entire world! Now all I had to do was take the pizzas home and stick em in the oven and presto a delicious home cooked meal for my lovely. After Mom and Dad's I went to the florist and got a dozen red roses, then a bottle of wine and a huge chocolate mousse and punnet of strawberries for dessert. _

_I arrived home and got the pizzas in the oven, mousse, strawberries and wine in the fridge, flowers in some water and put on a Matt Nathanson CD that seemed to fit the relaxed romantic atmosphere I was trying to create. I quickly changed from my jeans and t-shirt into a deep purple spaghetti strap dress that fell to mid-thigh. I touched up my make-up and dabbed on a bit of perfume. _

_I was just getting the pizzas out of the oven when Ashley walked in. I put the pizza on the counter and walked around the bench to greet her. I pulled her into my arms and kissed her lovingly on the lips. I felt her tense up and when she didn't respond I pulled back and looked at her with concern. "Everything ok Ash?"_

"_Fine." Came her monosyllabic answer. She jerked herself out of my arms and walked further into the loft. She stopped when she saw the two place settings and candles on the bench with the pizzas and wine. She turned her head and looked at the roses in a vase next to her chair. "I uh got those for you," I murmured, hoping to break the uncomfortable silence that had descended on us. She grunted something unintelligible, keeping her back to me._

_I felt my frustration rising. I had gone out of my way to do something in the hopes that it would make her happy, seems like I am incapable of that these days. I walked to her side and touched her arm, only to have her flinch away. "Ash?" I said questioningly._

"_You shouldn't have done this," she said in a strained voice._

_I just looked at her with confusion, "What? I just wanted to do something nice for you. You've seemed so out of sorts lately and I just wanted to do something to try and make you feel better."_

"_Feel better? Shit Spencer you just don't get it do you? I am not 'out of sorts' as you put it, this is me. I'm working so hard right now and all I get from you is smothered." I felt that one like a physical blow and took a step back from her. _

"_I'm, I'm sorry Ash. I just wanted to do something nice for you." I murmured, feeling tears fill my eyes._

"_Don't cry Spencer," she snapped at me, yeah that was really going to help me keep the tears at bay. The tears started rolling down my face. "Jesus! This is so typical, I come home tired and just want to unwind, you get in my face and then I'm the bad guy when I want some space. Fuck!"_

_I angrily wiped at the tears on my cheeks and grabbed my bag. "If you want space, then fine I'll get out of your hair. I am so sorry I tried to do something nice for you. Enjoy the pizza, my Dad made it especially for you. Oh and there's the chocolate mousse you like so much in the fridge." I turned on my heel and ran from the loft, tears blinding me. _

_As I bolted out the door onto the street I ran straight into someone sending them flying to the sidewalk. "Oh my God I'm so sorry," I said as I pulled the person to their feet. They looked at me and my tears began a new, "Chelsea?"_

"_Spencer, hey what's wrong?" She asked pulling me into a warm hug. Chelsea Lewis was one of my all time favourite people, as well as being my brother Glen's girlfriend, and she had been studying art in France for the last few months. _

_Chelsea led me to a nearby café and we talked for hours. I told her everything that had been going on with me and Ashley, sobbing on her shoulder the whole time. She listened intently, providing no judgement, just being there and supporting me. After I had unloaded on her she told me about her life in France and how much she loved it. She then gave me a piece of advice I couldn't stop thinking about, "Love is wonderful but you can't not live your dreams because of it. By not striving for your dreams you become less of the person you are, less of the person the other person fell in love with." She took my hand at this point and looked me straight in the eyes, "Spencer Carlin, you have to do this documentary stuff with Lily. If you don't you won't be the person Ashley fell in love with. I know things are rough right now but I also know the two of you and I know that eventually everything will be fine."_

_Not long after this we parted ways, with promises to catch up more while she was in L.A. I wandered back home, feeling my feet get heavier with every step. I was so scared of what I would be facing when I got home. _

_I opened the door to the loft hesitantly, I wandered in and saw Ashley sitting at the bench looking lost. She turned around as she heard me close the door. It was obvious she had been crying. "Spence, I know I am probably starting to sound like a broken record but I am so sorry. I don't know why I got so angry, I just had a really tough day…"_

_I cut her off gently, "Ash you always have a really tough day at that job. I love you but I can't keep being your punching bag. I know you're stress out and overworked but I can't stand here and let you keep taking it out on me."_

"_I know Spencer and I'm so sorry. I've just been fucking everything up lately, especially with you." She looked down at the floor as more tears fell from her eyes._

"_Hey Ash, its ok, just please try and remember that I'm not the enemy here." I let her pull me into her arms. I could feel it deep in my bones that things were not ok, but I couldn't say that to the broken woman in my arms. She cried desperately on my shoulder and I held her to me, trying to soothe her. _

The days that followed that fight were tense and uncomfortable, when we actually saw each other. Ashley had been at the studio for almost thirty-six solid hours. I was seriously worried, not just about us and our relationship, but mostly about her health and sanity. She had lost weight and was always looking exhausted. I couldn't even remember the last time I actually saw her sit down and eat a meal.

Lily waved her hand in front of my face and squeezed my shoulder gently, I guess I spaced out thinking about Ashley. "Spence I know things are bad with you an Ash right now but remember this is for you, I just don't want you to regret not taking this opportunity," Lily smiled at me, "I'll give you another week, but I will need an answer by then ok?" I nodded gratefully. I planned to talk to Ashley in the morning, tonight was our anniversary and we had agreed that work would not factor into it at all. We had a huge night planned, dinner at our favourite restaurant and then I was taking her for a moonlight stroll on the beach.

I left Lily at just after five, eager to get home and get ready. We had a reservation at 7.30pm at La Torero's and I wanted to look perfect. I sent Ashley a text as I left, telling her I couldn't wait to see her and that I loved her. Seeing as I hadn't seen her in almost two days I was really looking forward to seeing her.

I was sitting at home, dressed and ready when my cell phone rang. I had a horrible feeling I knew what was coming as I answered the phone. "Hello."

"_Hi Spence, it's me. Look Babe, I'm sorry but I'm not going to make it tonight. We just have too much going on here and I just can't leave. We are laying down some tracks for the album and are on a roll. I'll make it up to you," _Ashley said in a rush. I felt a wave of disbelief swarm over my body. I took her treating me like shit and cancelling on me all the time, but this was our anniversary!

"Are you kidding?! This is something you can't just 'make up to me' Ash. Fuck! You know what go on back to your precious work, seeing as it's the only thing you actually give a shit about." I hung up the phone without waiting for an answer. I turned my cell off, because I couldn't stand the thought of talking to her.

Ashley's POV

Oh shit, I'm completely fucked. I closed my phone, still hearing the hurt and anger in Spencer's voice before she hung up on me. I have to say though I'm not sure why Spencer is so angry at me, I mean I can't help the fact that I have to work and it's not like we can't do dinner another night. I just want her to be supportive of my work. It is so important to me. I want to make my Dad proud of me, where ever he is, so I have to put everything into this.

Why doesn't she get that? In the beginning she was so understanding and supportive, now it seems like I just can't win with her. She is always looking at me with these big, blue eyes filled with pain and it is really getting to me. I am doing the best I know how to make this work. I am juggling a serious relationship and an all consuming job and I am only 19 years old! Fuck, what does everyone want from me? I am doing the best I can.

I tried calling Spencer back, not really sure what I was going to say which I guess meant it was great that she didn't answer out home phone and that her cell phone went straight to voicemail. I didn't bother leaving a message. To be honest I was feeling pretty angry at her. Why the hell couldn't she just support me? Was it really asking too much?

I pushed all thoughts of Spencer from my mind and focused on the job I was being paid to do. We had already recorded two songs and despite my feelings of serious contempt for Madison even I had to admit they were pretty damn good. We worked hard, and for once cooperatively, and after another seven or so hours we had recorded the majority of the songs. It was really surreal to see my dream starting to come true. It was pretty great

and what I needed to make it complete was to share it with my girl.

After we finished for the night and I got an actual 'thanks and good job' from Madison (yeah the apocalypse is totally on its way) I jumped in my car and headed home. I was on such a high that I had kind of forgotten the fact that I'd blown Spencer off earlier that night.

I walked into the loft and found it in darkness. I looked at my phone and felt a bit guilty when I saw that it was almost 4 am. I jumped when a lamp was flicked on in the living room. I spun around to see Spencer glaring at me from the sofa.

"Glad you finally made it home Ashley, although I have to say I'm kinda surprised you actually remember where home is," Spencer snapped at me. I have to say I felt a little confused and a bit ticked off that she was ruining my good mood.

"What are you on about? Jesus Spencer I just had a great night and then I have to come home to this shit? Unbelievable!" I shook my head and put my bag down on the bench.

Spencer got to her feet, positively shaking with emotion, "Well I'm so sorry to ruin your night Ashley, not that you cared that you ruined mine. You know what, fuck you! You are the most self-centred person I have ever met. Do you actually give a flying fuck about other people?"

I felt my mouth fall open and anger start to course through my veins, "What the hell is your problem Spencer? Fucking hell I just walked in the door and you attack me, not that I should be surprised, this seems to be a regular occurrence with you. I come home and you straight away jump down my throat." I yelled, taking a step towards her.

Spencer's eyes narrowed and she crossed her arms over her chest. It was a purely defensive stance for her. It meant she was hurting deeply and was desperately trying to shield herself from more pain. She swallowed and said quietly, "You want to know what my problem is? Well where should I start Ashley? Should I go over the atrocious way you have been treating me since you started this job? You treat me like your personal punching bag. You have been constantly snapping at me and making me feel like I'm nothing to you," I went to interrupt her but she just snapped, "don't you dare open your fucking mouth Ashley. You wanted to hear what my problem is so now you will fucking listen. I have forgiven so much shit over the last two months, most people would have walked away. I stayed because I love you so damn much! I love you and I wanted to be there for you because I can see what this job is doing to you. But then tonight you cancel our plans at the last minute, again, and don't seem to even give a shit that today is our anniversary!" she screeched.

I felt all the blood drain from my face and my mouth fall open in shock. Oh my God I had completely forgotten that today was our anniversary! I am the biggest piece of shit ever. I went to speak but I couldn't form the words.

Spencer laughed humourlessly and said, "Got nothing to say then? You know I wish I was surprised that you forgot what today is, but I'm not. I think that's what hurts the most, that I just expect you to let me down. It didn't used to be like this Ash, you didn't used to be like this," Spencer paused as tears started rolling in torrents down her face. I felt my own eyes spilling over. "I have tried everything in my power to be there for you, to support you but you just keep hurting me over and over again. It's too much Ashley I can't go on like this," She choked out, her cries becoming wracking sobs that shook her whole body.

I felt like my world was falling apart and I was the idiot who had been ripping at the threads holding it together. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her to me. She protested weakly, shoving at my chest and trying to force me away. I wasn't going to let her. I knew that if I let her out of my arms I would lose her and I was certain that I would die without her. Her protests became weaker and weaker until she was just sobbing in my arms. I couldn't stop the tears from falling from my eyes either. God how had I let it come to this? How could I have hurt this beautiful, kind and loving woman so badly? How could I have treated her so poorly? In that moment I hated myself. I hated what I was doing to the woman I claimed to love.

"Spencer, Baby, I am so sorry. Honey please believe me. Spence I will do anything to fix this, please my love give me a chance to fix this." I begged, my voice thick with tears. I felt her sob harder against me so I tightened my embrace, "Spencer I love you, please give me a chance to fix this, please."

She pulled back and her pain-filled blue eyes locked with my brown ones. The tears still ran, unchecked, from her eyes as she looked at me. "I can't keep going through this Ash, it just hurts way too much," She cried.

"Spencer I promise I can fix this, I can change. I love you and I need you, please give me a chance to prove it too you," I begged again. She looked at me for the longest time before she nodded, looking completely beaten. She cupped my check with her palm and gently wiped the tears from my cheek with her thumb, "Ok, I'll give you a chance. Please don't fuck it up Ash. I really can't take feeling like this anymore."

"Thank you Baby, oh thank you! Spence I promise I'll do whatever it takes to makes things right between us." I felt relief flood through my veins.

"Look I'm exhausted now, so how about we have dinner, here tomorrow night and talk, you know clear the air and spend some quality time together. Can you be home by 6.30 tomorrow?" She looked so tired and it tore at my heart to know I'd done this to her.

"Of course, I promise you, I'll be here." I took her hand and led her to the bedroom. We each got changed and slipped under the covers. I held her close against me, her cheek resting on my chest and her arm around my stomach. We both fell into an exhausted sleep almost instantly.

Spencer's POV

So the night before was a rollercoaster of emotional turmoil. I was so tired I fell asleep in class and had to be elbowed awake several times by my friend Cameron. She shares my love of documentaries, although hers tend to feature more nature and animals than mine. She kept shooting me concerned looks but knew me well enough to know I'd talk if and when I was ready.

So I made it through class and headed home. The work with Lily had ended for now and I still had six days to decide if I would be continuing the work with her or not. After last night I was leaning towards no. With things between Ashley and me so bad I just felt I need to focus my energy around our relationship to try and get back whatever it is we seem to have lost.

I was determined that the night ahead would be a turning point for us. I will admit that I was seriously close to walking out the door the pervious night, but I knew I loved her and I owed it to myself and to us to give it another go. I couldn't walk away from my soul mate without knowing I had given it my all and tried everything to make it work. I would give her this chance to fix things, I owed us both that much.

I stopped at the grocery store on the way home and brought some ingredients so I could make her a romantic dinner for two. I also went to the florist and a liquor store to stock up on flowers and wine.

When I got home I cleaned the loft from top to bottom and began setting up for the night. I placed candles all around the loft and sprinkled red rose petals around the room. I put the wine on ice and started to prepare dinner. I was making lasagne, using my Dad's recipe, homemade garlic bread, a garden salad and chocolate brownies for desert. I also had an array of fresh fruit sliced up on a tray with dipping chocolate over heat to keep it melted and whipped cream.

Once the food was on the go I got myself ready. I put on a white sundress that came to my knees. The halter neck showed off my back and arms to perfection and it made me look very tanned. In this dress I felt every inch the California girl. I pined my hair half up and applied simple make-up. I slipped on a pair on white, peep-toe heels and a white gold heart pendant that Ashley had given me.

I turned on the CD player and put a CD I had made of our favourite love songs on repeat. I went around the loft lighting candles and then went to check the dinner. At 6.30 on the dot I began serving the food. I knew in my heart that Ashley would not miss this dinner, not after last night.

I laid the food out on the table and sat patiently at the table, knowing Ashley would rush through that door any minute.

By the time eight o'clock rolled by I was sobbing broken heartedly over the dinner I had prepared. I had really believed that she would be there. It had never even crossed my mind that she would blow me off again, even after the last few months I thought she'd be there. I poured myself a glass of wine and drank it down in one go. I was going to need the courage for what I was about to do. I poured another and tipped it down my throat. I then forced myself up from the kitchen table and walked into the bedroom. The romantic music I had put on earlier seemed to taunt me but I made no move to turn it off, rather I let the torture continue.

When I entered our bedroom I saw a photo of the two of us together, taken the day I had moved in just before my parents had left. Me and Ash were standing in the middle of piles of boxes, her arm around my waist, while mine was around her shoulder. We were both grinning excitedly at the camera. I felt rage overcome me as I stared at the photo. I picked it up and hurled it as hard has I could against the wall. That photo was a lie, all of it was a lie. I screamed out and sunk to the floor, broken.

Ashley's POV

I walked into the loft at 11.30, fully expecting to find Spencer on the sofa ready to rip me to shreds. God how I wish that had been the case. I walked in and saw no Spencer. I scanned the room and felt guilt wash over me. She had gone to so much trouble to do something nice for us. I put a hand over my mouth and felt a hatred for myself that I have never felt before. I couldn't believe I had let myself be forced into staying late at work when I knew Spencer was waiting for me. For fuck's sake I didn't even call her! I promised her I would fix things and there I go, fucking up again.

I looked at the table and saw a dinner which she had clearly cooked for me congealing on the table. An empty bottle of wine stared accusingly at me as the romantic music in the background mocked me.

"Spencer," I called out. I heard sobbing from the direction of our bedroom and started to walk towards the sound. I was stopped in my tracks by the sight of two large suitcases standing just outside our bedroom. _No, no this cannot be happening!_ I scream in my head. I felt a terror like I have never felt before and I had to fight the urge to scream out loud. My eyes were locked on the doorway to our room as Spencer walked out. The look of unbearable pain and heartbreak on her face will forever be burned in my mind. I took a step towards her, but stopped when I saw her take a step back.

"Spencer I am so, unbelievably sorry!"

"I don't want to hear it Ashley, not again. You keep saying you're sorry but you don't mean it, you can't or you wouldn't keep hurting me like this. I can't do this anymore," Spencer said numbly, tears pouring down her face like rain.

I walked forward and tried to pull her into my arms only to be shoved away, "Don't, just don't. You can't just hold me and make it all go away, it doesn't work like that, it doesn't make it all better. I can't do this anymore Ashley. I just can't. It hurts way too much. Every single day you break my heart a little bit more," Spencer paused, she was crying too hard to speak. I was crying pretty hard myself I couldn't believe that I had destroyed the best thing that had ever happened to me.

Spencer choked out, "I need some time, some space, to figure out what I'm feeling and what I want. All I know is that I can't go on living like this," she took a deep, shaky breath, "I love you Ashley and I know I always will, but I can't be with you right now. You need to figure out what you want because right now I don't feel like it's me."

I felt an unbearable pain in my heart as I said through my tears, "Spence, please don't do this. I love you and I need you. You are all I want. Things will be better I promise!"

"They're just words Ashley, and I've heard them all before. I'm sorry but I've got to go." I reached out and grabbed her arm to stop her from leaving. She just looked at me sadly.

"Spencer please Baby don't go." I cried as tears continued to pour down my face.

"I have to," she whispered.

"But where will you even go?"

"My friend Cameron offered me her parent's cabin for a few days and then I'll be back at Mom and Dad's. Dad will be round tomorrow morning to pick up the rest of my stuff, it's all packed," she pointed back into the bedroom and over her shoulder I can see the numerous boxes she had hastily packed.

I shook my head and said with desperation, "No, it can't be over, not like this. I love you that has to mean something right?"

"I love you too, but sometimes love just isn't enough. I don't even know what I want, if I want us to be over or if I just need time. All I know is that I need to sort my head out and I can't do that here with you. If I stay I'll end up hating you because you keep hurting me so badly and I love you too much for that," she looked at me with so much heartbreak and then whispered, "Goodbye Ashley."

Before I could even register what had just happened Spencer grabbed her suitcases and left. I stood frozen in place until I heard the front door close quietly behind Spencer and then I sunk in a heap to the floor, my legs completely giving way under me, sobbing brokenly. I sobbed so hard that I eventually had to run to the bathroom to throw up.

This will go down as the longest night of my existence. After I had emptied my stomach I made my way to the sofa and sat staring at the door waiting for Spencer to walk back in and tell me she didn't mean it and that she wasn't leaving me.

I cried more than I thought was possible. There was this giant whole in my chest where my heart used to be and I was the dipshit who had dug it out. Let's face it I had broken both of us.

**Ok so I am seriously sorry to leave this on such a low note. I won't give the story away but I will say that if you stick with it we will all get the happy ending we so desperately want. **

**I hope that despite the sadness in this chapter you still enjoyed reading it.**

**Please read and review!**


	7. Chapter 7

**2bz2breading - you are so right it shouldn't have been so easy for Spencer to buy a bottle of wine, but in my defence I'm from Australia where at 18 we can buy alcohol and legally drink. But I'm glad you like the story!**

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed, it means a lot. I know the last chapter was pretty sad but I hope you liked it anyway. **

**Ashley is not the most popular character at the moment, yeah she screwed up but I hope people will forgive her eventually. **

**Thanks again guys and I hope you enjoy Chapter 7!**

**You Have To Go There To Come Back**

**Chapter 7**

Ashley's POV

I spent the rest of the night curled up in a foetal position on the couch, rocking and crying. I had Spencer's favourite hoodie, which I had pulled out of one of her boxes, wrapped tightly around my body. It smelt like her, fruity and sweet, and although it tortured me I also found comfort in it. My eyes didn't leave the front door once all night, I kept waiting and hoping that Spencer would miraculously walk back in and give me another chance. I had monumentally fucked up. The best part of me was Spencer, loving Spencer and I managed to trash that.

I watched the sun appear through my windows over the near by buildings and felt fresh tears begin to fall. This was the first day I had to exist without Spencer in my life in over a year. I couldn't believe how badly I had fucked everything up.

Once the sun was up I called Ethan at the studio and told him I was sick. I sounded so crap that he didn't even question it. There was no way I could walk into that studio today knowing that my job there had caused me to devastate the woman I loved.

I wrapped Spencer's hoodie more tightly around me and snuggled deeper into the couch, kinda wishing it would either hug me or open up and swallow me…not too sure which. I must have dozed off because I was shocked awake by the sound of keys turning in the door. I bolted to my feet and charged towards the doors. My girl had come home to me!

As the door swung open I felt the air leave my lungs as I fell to the floor sobbing yet again. Mr and Mrs Carlin quickly raced to my side and knelt down next to me. Mrs C pulled me into her arms and held me while I sobbed. I heard Mr C get up and start moving the boxes out of the loft. I wanted to scream at him to stop, to put everything back but I couldn't.

I finally got my sobs under control and looked up at Mrs C, "So can I assume you both hate me?"

Mrs C smiled kindly at me, "No Ashley we don't. You're part of our family and we love you. After Spencer left here last night she came home and I sat up with her. She told me everything. I am angry Ashley and I really believe you made some huge mistakes, but that doesn't change the fact that I love you. I want you to know that Arthur and I are here for you, whatever you need." Mrs C pulled me close again and I willing sunk into the comforting hug. It was the type of hug you could only get from a Mom, not that my Mom has every really hugged me but you get what I'm saying.

"God Paula I really messed up! I got so caught up in the job and all the drama of the industry. I really only wanted to make my Dad and Spencer proud of me. I don't know what to do now." I said as I sat beside the older Carlin woman.

"I know Sweetie. I think you and Spencer both sometimes forget how young you are. I mean your both still teenagers and just going out into the world. Of course there are going to be problems and struggles. You will both make mistakes, God will you make mistakes, but honey that's how you grow. I know you Ashley and I know how much you love Spencer. You made some mistakes and so did she. You are both hurting right now but I know she loves you. If she didn't she wouldn't be hurting so much," Paula gave me a small smile to soften the blow from her words. "You just have to give her some space and show her that things will improve." Paula gave my hand a gentle squeeze and tenderly wiped the tears from my cheeks with a tissue. "Ash she didn't want to leave, it just got to a point where she didn't know what to do anymore." I wiped my eyes and gave Mrs C a watery smile.

"Thanks Paula. I want you to know that I will do whatever it takes to make this right. I promise you that." Mrs C nodded and pulled me into another hug. We sat like that until Mr C came back from taking the last box down to their car. Mrs C and I stood up and walked towards him. As soon as I was within reach Mr C pulled me into a big bear hug. Can I just say that the Carlin parentals give the best hugs ever. They make you feel safe and loved without having to say a word.

Mr C gave me a warm smile and said, "You hang in there Ash, Spencer just needs time to think and so do you. It will all be alright. Now if you need anything, and I mean _anything_, you call us ok?" I nodded and hugged him tighter.

Mr and Mrs C left soon after that with more hugs and kind words. I so did not deserve their kindness after I broke their daughter. The Carlins are just truly good people.

After they left I walked into the bedroom and felt the emptiness overcome me. It looked so bare without Spencer's things. I know we hadn't been living together all that long, but it wasn't until Spencer moved in here that this loft became a home.

I picked up my cell phone and quickly sent off a text message to Spencer. It said,

-I just wanted to say that im sorry for everything. Ill give u all the space u need but know I will be here loving u and trying to make this right. Ill show u I can change. I love u Spencer

I was really surprised when I got a reply from her five minutes after I sent the message. She wrote back,

-Thank u. Please know that I love u and that I hope that we eventually get our happy ending

I read that message and then held my phone to my heart as I absorbed Spencer's words. I felt a tiny element of hope stirring in my heart, maybe just maybe we would find our way back to each other. I dried my eyes and felt determination spread through my body. I though to myself, _I will do everything in my power to make this right. _I just had to figure out how.

Spencer's POV

I walked out the cabin door and settled on the porch. The morning after I walked out on Ashley I had packed up my Mini and driven out to Cameron's parent's cabin. I just need the space to clear my head and to start to think about all the shit that had happened with Ashley. The worst part of it all was that I still loved her so much and I kept questioning myself. I knew I had made the right decision to leave, but that didn't stop me from thinking about it over and over again and picturing how it could be different, how everything could have played out differently. I tortured myself with thoughts of what I could have said or done to make things better, it turned into a vicious cycle really.

After three days of solitude I was heading back to my parent's house, that place would never be home to me again. Home was with Ashley and at this point in time I couldn't go home, no matter how much I wanted to. It sucked, it truly did. I hated not being with her but I hated how I had been feeling while I was with her. It was a lose-lose situation for me. On one had you have me walking away from the love of my life, my soul mate and on the other you have me staying in a relationship where I get broken a little more each day until I hate the woman I love. Neither option was particularly appealing to tell you the truth. I guess I just have to have faith that I made the right decision and hope that things work out.

I packed up my car and headed back towards the city. Maybe being away from Ashley, giving us both time to think and heal would eventually lead us back to each other.

The drive back from the cabin took a couple of hours, but I welcomed the time in Josie, my Mini, with my music blaring and the top down. I always took comfort in driving and listening to music, something I had learned from Ashley actually. I parked in front of my parent's house and walked inside, my bags slung over my shoulder. I was about to head up the stairs when my Mom walked in from the kitchen. "Hey honey, how you holding up?"

I have to say I hate it when people ask how you are like that. I mean come on 'how you holding up?' seriously? That is just a nice way of saying 'I know you're about to have a meltdown of epic proportion but lie to me and tell me you're fine'. Ok so maybe I wasn't being fair, but I had gotten text messages with that general message from everyone who had found out about me leaving Ashley and I was getting a tad sick of it. Plus after everything that had happened logic and reason were so not a part of my thought processes.

"I'm ok Mom," I mumbled, lying through my teeth, before heading towards the stairs again.

"Spence wait," Mom called as she walked closer to me, "I know you're going through utter hell right now and I also know that you may feel you need time alone to heal, but I just wanted to say that I love you and I'm here for you. Honey just please don't shut out the people who love you, you need us even if you don't think you do."

I felt the tears start yet again, God is there ever a point where you run out of tears? I dropped my bags and threw myself into my Mom's arms and let her rock me like a child. Some situations you just need your Mommy, and this was one of them. She murmured soothing words and carefully led me to the couch. We sat there for a long time, until I had cried myself out.

"When Dad called he said you went with him to pick up my stuff," she nodded, "um did you, I mean I just wanted to know, uh if you saw her," I asked quietly. My Mom tightened her grip on me and kissed me softly on the forehead.

"Yeah Honey I did. I don't know if you want to hear this Spence," I nodded for her to continue, "Well she's a mess. She knows how badly she screwed up and feels terrible. I have never seen her so upset. She promised me that she is going to do anything to make this right and I have to say I believe her."

I scoffed and shook my head, I had heard it too many times to actually believe Ashley was going to change. Mom smiled sadly at me and murmured, "I know she hurt you but just remember that sometimes people surprise you. I hope you're willing to be surprised Spence, I don't mean that you let her get away with the way she has been treating you. That was unacceptable and Ashley knows that. All I'm saying is don't shut yourself off from the possibility of her, of the two of you finding your way back to each other." Mom smiled at me again, gave me a quick hug and left me to mull over what she had said.

I spent the rest of that day and the following five days wallowing in my bedroom. I barely ate, I barely slept, all I seemed to be able to do was cry and curse the world. I would go from intense rage at Ashley to anger at myself to a deep depression over all that I had lost coupled with a painful regret that I had made the wrong choice. There were moments when I felt hope that things would be ok and then moments where I couldn't fathom how they could be. My head was a mess of conflicting thoughts and emotions. I was kind of damaged.

It was a Monday morning and I had class, I hadn't been in a while and had no intention of going that morning either. I was lazing in my bed when my bedroom door was unceremoniously slammed open and in barged my people. Leading the pack was my Mom followed by Chelsea, Cameron, Lily, Glen, my Dad and then Katie and Rhea, two of my closest friend from college.

"Ok Spence enough is enough! Time to get your butt out of bed and face the real world again." My Mom exclaimed. I groaned and pulled the covers up over my head, if my parents hadn't of been present my groan would have been substituted by a rather colourful string of obscenities.

"Oh no you don't Carlin, we aren't going away so don't even try to make us!" Lily said tugging the blankets off me, rather rude don't you think? I sat up, prepared to yell at them all, but shut up instead. Each of them was fixing me with looks of deep sadness and love. I scooted to the side of the bed and swung my legs over the side. I looked at each person in turn and then started to cry, again.

I buried my head in my hands and felt the mattress dip as someone took a seat beside me. I turned my head as Glen wrapped an arm around my shoulder. "Look baby sis, we love you and are not going to stand by while you torture yourself like this. I know it hurts and it sucks that this happened, but life goes on. We are all really worried about you." I looked up into his face, more used to having him tease me then actually be nice to me. I lay me head on his shoulder and felt him gently kiss my forehead.

"I'm sorry. I just don't know what to do with myself these days. Everything just feels too hard. I'm sorry I've been shutting you all out." I gave them all a small smile. God I am so lucky to have such wonderful people in my life. I took a deep breath and said, "Look if I'm gonna survive this then I'm…I'm really gonna need your help." There I said it I asked for help, not something I like doing but I needed them.

"Whatever you need Spence, we're all here for you," Chelsea said softly, taking a seat beside Glen and reaching out to squeeze my hand. I gave her a smile and squeezed back. I sat there for a moment thinking and then looked straight at Lily and said, "Does the job offer still stand?"

Lily beamed at me and said enthusiastically, "It most certainly does, actually I kinda already told the bosses you'd said yes and I have your contract in my bag." Lily looked almost guilty, but I just laughed. I felt ok, not great but I ok. I knew what I needed to do was to throw myself into work, school, my friends and family and let time heal what was broken. Chelsea had been right, by not following my dreams I was being less of the person I was, less of the person Ashley fell in love with. I was hoping against hope that we would work out and if we did I had to be the best version of myself, the person I wanted to be. If we were ever going to stand a chance it had to be as two complete people.

"Ok so why don't you all get your asses out of here," on their confused looks I added, "So I can get ready for school!" They all smiled at me and filed out, each dropping a kiss on my forehead or cheek. I felt pretty blessed.

I hastily got ready and ran down stairs where my Dad had whipped up a huge breakfast for everyone. We sat around joking and laughing, in fact it was the first time I had actually laughed in a long time. It felt good to be there like that, surrounded by people who loved me. I just wish that Ashley could be there, that we could be ok and everything would be fine. I shook my head, as if that would clear away the depression thoughts, and tucked into my pancakes.

After breakfast I signed the contract which made me an MTV bitch, as Lily called me, and organised my first afternoon of work to start the next day after class. Then I hugged everyone before me, Cameron, Katie and Rhea piled into Josie and headed off to college.

It was time I started to pull my life back together and there was no time like the present to get started!

Ashley's POV

"Ashley! Where the hell are you?!" I heard the annoying sound of my younger sister calling out to me.

I groaned and snuggled deeper into my bed. I pulled the covers over my head and tried to drown out the world, with no luck. Just as I thought Kyla had given up I felt my covers being torn from my body. Damn is she lucky I actually wore clothes to bed last night!

I rattled off a stream of obscenities and glared up at her, "what the hell do you want?"

Kyla glared down at me and crossed her arms over her chest, "I spoke to Chelsea last night, this morning they had to have an intervention of sorts to try and snap Spencer out of the depression you put her in. You treated both her and me like absolute shit and here you are still being a massive bitch. Fucking hell Ashley did you learn anything from breaking your girlfriend's heart?"

I jumped out of bed like I had been electrocuted and glared daggers at my little sister, "You have no idea what I am going through Kyla, no idea. I know I fucked up, with both you and Spencer. I can't stop seeing the look on her face when she told me she was leaving and I can't stop hearing the hurt in her voice for months as I kept fucking up. I love her so much Kyla and I don't know how to fix this." With that I began to cry in earnest. Kyla moved to my side and pulled me into her arms.

I pulled back slightly and murmured, "What did Chelsea say about Spencer?"

Kyla took a deep breath and tucked my hair behind my ear, "Spencer disappeared to a cabin for a few days and then came back and went into isolation. She locked herself in her room, barely ate, barely slept, stopped going to classes and refused to talk to anyone. They were all so worried about her that they kinda ambushed her this morning to try and snap her out of it. Everyone has been really worried about her. I tried to call her a few times but her phone is always switched off." On hearing what I'd done to Spencer I began to cry anew. Oh my God what had I done?

"Shit Kyla, how did I let it get so bad? How did I let myself get so caught up in work that I hurt the woman I love and my sister. I know it may not mean all that much, but I'm really sorry for all of it," I hung my head in shame and watched as the tears rolled off my cheeks and splashed onto my thigh.

"It's ok Ash, hell you forgave me for all the shit last year with Jake and the tribute album and that stupid video. I love you big sis and even though you royally fucked up I want you to know I'm here." I hugged Kyla tighter, so relieved that at least one of the people I had screwed over was forgiving me, Spencer would not forgive me so easily.

"What do I do now Ky?" I asked in a small voice.

"Well I'd say to start will get your ass out of this bed and have a shower coz you stink!" Kyla teased. I swatted her arm and laughed, it was a small laugh but it felt good. I got up from the bed and looked back at Kyla, my expression becoming sombre, "Seriously Kyla what do I do now?"

"Ash the only person who can know the answer to that is you. But you have to do something other than mope around the house." She stood beside me and put a comforting hand on my shoulder. I gave her a half smile and headed off to the bathroom.

I will admit I felt marginally better after my shower. It had been a week since I'd been to work so I got dressed and headed in. I was barely in the door of the recording studio when the crazy Latina Diva bolted over to me and screamed, "Where the fuck have you been?! I so don't have time for your little lesbo melodrama, I'm trying to make a record. If you ever pull a stunt like this again and take a fucking week of work then I'll find a new song writer, one who doesn't have so many issues!"

Ok so it had been a shit week and I was at the end of my tether, I guess that may explain what I did next. I'd like to say I'm not proud of what I did, but that'd be a big lie. Before I could even think about it my fist flew out and landed square on Madison's nose. I felt a sickening crunch as her head snapped back and a blood curdling scream tore from her mouth. Ethan came bolting into the room and looked at me in shock.

"Fuck Ashley, what the hell are you doing?!" He yelled, trying to pry Madison's hands from her face so he could inspect the damage.

I just glared at them both and crossed my arms over my chest, "You know what Ethan, I have taken shit from her since day one of this project and I'm done. This job and that stupid, overbearing, demanding bitch cost me the love of my life. I should have done this months ago but I'm kinda stupid like that. So Ethan, I quit!" I turned and stormed out of the building, ignoring the people calling out for me to stop.

As I walked away from the building I felt free, I felt like I had finally done something right. I strode to my car and drove home. As I walked back in I had to slam the front door to get the attention of the couple making out on my couch. I stifled a smile as Aiden and Kyla sprang apart.

"Jesus Ashley! I thought you were at work?" Kyla asked clutching her chest after the scare I just gave her.

"Well um about that. I uh kinda decked Madison and then quit," I said quietly, but with a small, triumphant smile.

"WHAT!! Oh my God are you serious?" Kyla screeched as she jumped up from the sofa and bolted over to me. "Are you ok?" She asked as she put an arm around my shoulders.

"Actually yeah I am. It was the best decision I've made in a really long time. That job was destroying me and as a result I was hurting the people I love. I know I want to work in the music industry, but not like that, not at the expense of the people who matter most." I smiled at Kyla and Aiden. I knew I did the right thing by walking away from that job and I felt nothing but relieved.

"I have to say I think you did the right thing Ash. I really didn't like who you were while you worked there," Aiden said, moving to stand at my side.

I smiled and said, "I didn't like me so much either. I guess I just have to start thinking about what I want to do now."

Aiden looked thoughtful for a moment, hard for him I know I'm pretty sure it was hurting him, and then finally said, "Actually I may have an idea for you…might be perfect actually," Aiden paused and I felt like punching him one. I really hate it when people drag something out just for the drama of it all. "Well I know this band, they're really good but unsigned and kind of struggling, maybe you'd think about listening to them and maybe helping them out? I don't know maybe you could set up your own record label and get some great musicians out there?" I thought about it, I was a little sceptical, I mean it was a suggestion from _Aiden!_ But actually the more I turned the idea over in my head the better it sounded. If I was running my own label then I'd be the boss and I'd call the shots. I could pick the artists and make some really great music.

"You know what Aid that is actually not a bad idea. Nice to know you're not just a pretty meathead," I teased. Aide stuck his tongue out at me, real mature that one, and Kyla started jumping up and down with excitement, seriously no more sugar for the youngest Davies!

"Ash this is so awesome! You could totally do this, you know the industry, all the ins and outs and you know what makes good music. This is so totally cool!" Kyla gushed, hugging me tight. It was kind of awesome. I felt the smile freeze on my face, yeah it was awesome and I couldn't share it with my best friend and love of my life.

"Hey Ash, no don't think about Spencer, this is a huge deal and you will totally get to share it with her, but right now is about you and this new chapter in your life," Aiden said putting his huge hand on my shoulder. I gave him a small smile.

"Yeah, but Aid telling me not to think about Spencer is like telling the sun not to rise. Can't stop it buddy, it just happens. But no you're right this is a new chapter in my life and maybe our stories will intertwine again. God I hope so because I really miss her," I paused as tears filled my eyes. Kyla and Aide both gave me sympathetic smiles, I returned with a rather watery one of my own.

"Aid, can you get that band to give me a call? Then I'll organise to go see them play. Well I have heaps to figure out and plan so I'm off to the drawing board! Thanks so much you guys, I don't say it much but I love you both." I smiled again and headed off to my room. I had so much to think about and so much to sort out!!

----------

The next month was insane! I went with Aiden, Kyla and Grey (a friend of my father's who had offered to help me set up the record label) and saw the band Aiden recommended. They were called Arona and they were awesome! They had a totally fresh sound and some really inspired songs. They were totally open to my ideas and suggestions and despite my less than stellar reputation they were keen to work with me. The band was made up of two chicks and two dudes and they were seriously talented. The lead singer and guitarist Hope had a voice that was a combo of Tori Amos and Sarah Mclachlan and it just sent shivers up your spine. Africa, the bass player was uniquely talented and completely stunning, she would totally inspire fans! Then we have Grady the drummer, who had a smooth, husky voice that mixed perfectly with Hope's and finally we had Helix the keyboardist/guitarist. Helix was rather eccentric but hugely talented, he and Hope were the song writers of the group.

So they became the first band to sign to my label, which I had decided to call Dirty Mind Records, yeah it was totally inspired by Spencer. I know I let Madison record that song but it would always belong to Spencer (and legally to me seeing as I'd retained publishing).

Grey was awesome, he had been a close friend of my Dad's forever and had produced most of his albums. He taught me so much and made sure that everything was running smoothly. He was a total God send. He helped me find a space to set up, organised all the construction and even helped me find people to work at the label. About a week into the project I hired Grey as the managing director. I mean I was totally the big boss, but he would be doing the day to day stuff, plus because of the fact that I'm a little on the teenager side (only for another year!) it was necessary to have an older, very experienced person with me.

So after a month of hard work, blood sweat and tears Dirty Mind Records was up and running. We booked some good upcoming gigs for Arona and were getting some good initial press. I'd even signed a solo artist, Jacqueline, and another band, Get Higher. Both really talented and just needing the help to get their music out there. It was all systems go to launch the label.

Not a day went by that I didn't think of Spencer and wish she was by my side through all this. It was so thrilling and nerve-wracking and I so wanted to share it with her, but I had promised her I would give her space and I would honour that promise. I had fought the urge to call or text and had been physically wrestled to the floor on more than one occasion when I wanted to go see her (Kyla is stronger than she looks!). I missed her so much it was like a constant ache in my chest, a pain there was no cure for except Spencer. I subtly and not so subtly enquired after her whenever I ran into mutual friends (I was surprised that none of them wanted to beaten me down after what I did, pleasantly surprised) and I hounded Kyla after she's seen her. It's nice that Kyla and Spencer are still close, I guess while I was being an uber-bitch they turned to each other.

It sounded like she was doing well, college and work and I heard she was even working on an independent film for a Documentary Film Festival. I was so proud of her and I hoped that one day I could make her proud of me.

The day we launched the label it was decided to head out and celebrate the official opening of Dirty Mind Records with Kyla, Aiden, Grey, they people from the label and my artists (hehe my artists that sounds seriously cool!). I hadn't been out in ages, been too busy with the label so I'm looking forward to letting lose a bit.

I decided that I needed to look hot so I put on a halter-neck black dress. The straps were plaited and looked like black ropes going behind my neck. The dress fell to mid thigh, but was fitted to the waist before I flowed down over my hips. I had on long earrings made up of strands of silver in different thicknesses and a matching necklace. I was teetering around on black peep-toe heels and had my hair half back and flowing in loose waves. Let's face it I could make a bin bag look hot, but in this little number I was smoking!

Kyla, Aide and I met the others at Radius, which was a new club not too far from the UCLA campus, being a Thursday night it was relatively busy, but not nearly as busy as it would be the next two nights. We headed to the bar and the drinking began.

After several drinks me, Kyla, Hope, Africa, Jacqueline and Helix headed to the dance floor to get our groove on. It felt so good to just dance, to let my body move instinctively to the music. I was dancing with Kyla when I saw something that made me freeze on the spot. Kyla looked at my questioningly before turning to see what had caught my attention. Once she located the source of my shock she froze too, both of our gazes locked on the sight across the room.

**Hmm so a little cliff hanger for you.**

**This chapter was mostly filler to get us to the next phase in the story. I felt it was important to not only see how they struggled after the break-up but more importantly to see their strength.**

**I really hope you are enjoying this tale so far.**

**Please read and review! **


	8. Chapter 8

**Hmm it seems like some of you don't really get my decision to leave a month between Spencer leaving Ashley and them finally coming into contact. I actually contemplated leaving it longer. **

**The reason for the length of time is simply that this story is loosely based on something that happened to a friend of mine. She and her partner broke up due to issues relating to work. My friend's partner was working long hours and being a bitch when she was at home. They broke up and it was about three months before they spoke again. They are now very happy and have been back together a few years.**

**I just feel that after all that Spencer went through with Ashley she would have to take some time before she was ready to face Ashley again. Some hurts you can't just bounce right back from. **

**Oh and I'm going to be a little mean and not give the cliff hanger away right off the bat, instead I'll start with Spencer's POV and go from there. There have been many reviewers fearful I have gotten Spencer together with another girl… well read on and all will be revealed. **

**Thanks for the reviews guys, you are truly awesome! **

**You Have To Go There To Come Back**

**Chapter 8**

Spencer's POV

So it had been a month, a whole long, shitty month, since I had walked away from Ashley Davies. It had been tough, really tough since I left. I missed her every second of every day and thought about her constantly. I had thrown myself head first into college and work at MTV and had even managed to film a short documentary about the life of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender freshmen at UCLA.

By immersing myself in work I had managed to cope and even start to enjoy life again. I was loving college still, it was broadening my mind and giving me a passion for learning that I never knew I could have. I felt inspired every single day and it felt amazing. My work at MTV, while it was hard and sometime a little overwhelming, was incredible. Lily had really taken me under her wing and I was learning so much that I was scared I'd run out of room in my brain.

Lily had been vital in keeping me sane since the little intervention my loved ones staged. She looked after me at work and encouraged my documentary, even helping me with the editing and post production work. I was really proud off the documentary, but sad at the same time. I really wanted to share it with Ashley, I want to share all the moments in my life with her, but I just couldn't. I can't leave myself open to more hurt. I know I couldn't survive being hurt like that again. I really couldn't see myself coming back from this kind of pain for a second time.

It had been a month since I'd spoken to her and I had to fight the urge to call her everyday. I just wanted to hear her voice. I wanted to hold her in my arms and feel her heart beat with mine. I craved her like an addict craves drugs.

I had heard from Kyla that she had quit her job. I was shocked to say the least, I also heard she broke Madison's nose, God I wish I had been there to see that! I also heard that she was starting up her own record label with a friend of her father's. It sounded like she was really trying and that gave me hope. Hope that we would get our happy ending after all. I was proud of her and I longed to tell her that, I just wasn't sure if I was ready to see her just yet. I know, I know a month is a bloody long time to not speak to the person you're in love with, but I was terrified of how seeing her would effect me. Yeah I can be a wimp sometimes.

In order to celebrate me finishing my documentary Lily, Seth, Maya, Jen and Ralph from MTV, Cameron, Katie, Rhea, Harry, Jill, David, Fran and Cassie from college and Glen and Chelsea were taking me to this new club just near the UCLA campus, Radius I think it was called. I hadn't been out in a really long time so I was kind of excited. I really needed a night to just have some fun and forget all the drama of the last few months.

I wanted to look good so I dressed carefully. I went with a light, olive green dress that showed off a fair amount of cleavage and a good deal of my back. It had straps that were about half an inch thick and it fell to just above my knees. It was a great dress to dance in because it always swirled around my legs and made me feel really free. I added tan heels and a tan belt to the outfit and put on a long gold chain with a heart pendant on it, the one my Grandma gave me for my 18th birthday. I had my hair up, leaving my neck shoulders exposed. I felt good, better than I had in a long time.

Glen and Chelsea gave me a ride and we met everyone at the bar where we quickly became rather tipsy. With fresh drinks in hand we headed out to the dance floor and started to move to the music. I felt so alive dancing to the beat. Me and Jill started to dance together, there was nothing there, Jill is totally, 100% straight and her boyfriend was with us, plus I was still desperately in love with a certain someone else. Jill and I got really into it and were dancing a bit provocatively, it was just in fun. I always had a great time out on the town with Jill, she was so carefree and fun-loving and she brought that out in me. While I was dancing with Jill I thought I saw a familiar brunette disappear through the crowd but chalked it up to the booze and hell of a lot of wishful thinking. I spun out of Jill's arms and was swept up in Harry's. We were all laughing uproariously and goofing around like high school kids. It was just what I needed.

After another forty minutes or so we headed to the bar to rehydrate. A few shots of Sambuca later and I was pleasantly wasted. I was leaning against a table by the dance floor, watching my friends dance when I felt an all too familiar pair of arms snake their way around my waist. I had no doubt at all as to the identity of the person behind me. I instinctively leaned back against the woman I had been craving, her arms were my favourite place on earth. My God I had missed her.

Ashley's POV 

As soon as I registered that I was seeing Spencer dancing in the arms of another woman I fled, Kyla hot on my heels. "Ashley, Ashley! It probably isn't what you think, wait would you stop for a second?" Kyla yelled over the music.

"God we broke up a month ago and she's already with someone else? How is that even possible, didn't she love me at all?" I cried, trying to fight back tears, I truly felt like I had been hit by a semi.

"Ashley stop and look back at her would you," Kyla demanded, looking kind of exasperated. I rolled my eyes but complied surprised to find Spencer now in the arms of a clearly gay guy. She then spun out of his arms and started dancing with Lily and Chelsea. I think that's when I realised I'd been a tad hasty. I then saw the girl she had been dancing with start making out with a guy and knew I had gotten the wrong idea. I actually recognised her, Jill I think her name was, from the times I'd hung out with Spencer's college friends. I looked bashfully at Kyla who just shook her head and lead me to the bar. I guess I have always had a pretty massive jealous streak, which sometimes runs out of control, especially when it comes to Spencer.

I watched her for a moment and let her beauty wash over me. I hadn't seen her so happy in a long time. I just wish she was that happy with me.

A few drinks a little bit of dancing later I was kind of hammered. I had avoided Spencer up to this point because I wasn't sure she'd want to see me but when I was walking back from the bathroom I saw her standing on her own watching her friends dance and I couldn't help myself, she looked so amazingly beautiful and I missed her. I gave into want was as natural to me as breathing, I walked up behind her and wrapped my arms around her waist. I expected her to tense up and pull away but she didn't. She leaned back into me and held her arms over mine. She didn't even turn to see who was holding her, it was like she instinctively knew it was me.

Oh God, holding her in my arms was like coming home, it was ecstasy and I never wanted it to end. We stood like that for a while until I placed my lips against her ear and whispered, "Dance with me." Spencer just nodded and let me lead her out to the dance floor. Our eyes locked and held as we held each other and began moving to the music. We were oblivious to everyone and everything around us. All that mattered to me was the woman in my arms, the woman who set my heart, body and soul on fire.

We danced the rest of the night, barely stopping as our respective friends came by to tell us they were leaving. I saw only Spencer. I couldn't believe that I was holding her against me, feeling her body move with mine. I wanted to talk, to tell her how sorry I was and how much I loved her but I was scared that if I said anything I'd break the spell and she'd disappear.

She rested her head on my shoulder and I felt shivers from the sensation of her breath on my neck. God I had miss this! It felt so completely right being there with her and I just wanted time to stop so I could hold her forever.

I almost jumped out of my skin when I felt her start to kiss up my neck. I bit my lip to hold in a groan that threatened to erupt from my mouth. I pulled her closer against me and move my hands to her hips so I could grind against her. She bit down on my neck and then soothed it with her tongue, my God she was making me lose my mind! Finally after an excruciatingly exquisite torture of kisses up my throat, her lips found mine. It was without a doubt the most passionate, hungry and desperate kiss I had ever experienced. Our mouths crashed together, tongues warring for dominance. I explored her mouth, tasting as much of her as I could. Fuck this was all I ever really wanted, her.

I felt my heart soaring, God I love her.

Spencer's POV

I kissed her. It was hungry and passionate and all-consuming. I threw away all thoughts of the consequences and just gave into what I so desperately needed, to feel her again, to taste her. I ignored all the doubts in my mind and focused on the moment, the divine joy of being in her arms and feeling her lips on mine.

I wanted the world to stop, time to cease, so I could stay forever in this moment with the woman who I loved more than I ever thought it was possible to love anyone. In that moment I forgot the past, the pain and the anger and only saw the love, need and want between us.

There is no denying it, me and Ashley have something strong and real between us, something undeniable. Even when we were just friends, we were never really just friends if you know what I mean. It was always deeper than that, more intimate and intense. I moved my lips from hers and trailed them over her cheeks, eye lids and nose before capturing her lips once again. I felt her moan into my mouth and that just made me hot. I wanted her, no I _needed _her.

I pulled back and looking into those captivating mocha eyes that always saw into my soul and said softly, "Let's get out of here." Her eyes darkened at my words and I saw her lick her lips before kissing me again. She grabbed my hand and pulled me from the club. We hailed a cab and headed back to the loft. We gave the cab drive on hell of a show on the way, we couldn't keep our hands off each other!

We arrived at the loft and stumbled our way inside. As soon as the front door was closed I pushed Ashley up against it and attacked her throat with kisses. I grabbed her hands and held them above her head, delighting in the moans and whimpers I was causing her to let out. I loved that I could do that to her. I lay my body flush against hers, pushing her into the door as I devoured her mouth.

I was starting to get really into it when I felt her spin us around and shove me against the door with a growl, oh hell yes a growling Ashley is a sexy Ashley! She roughly kissed me then dragged me across the loft and into her bedroom. Once inside the tone of the night changed, instead of hungry and desperate our movements became slow, tender and lovingly. We slowly undressed each other, relishing the feeling of smooth skin as it was exposed. We kissed gently, with love rather than lust. Once we were naked we stood there taking in the sight of each other. I had been deprived of her beautiful body for far too long.

Ashley gently pushed me backwards onto the bed and lowered herself on top of me. The moment our naked skin touched I let out a moan of pure ecstasy that echoed around the room. Ashley smiled down at me and began a loving assault of my throat with her lips and tongue. She left no part of my body untouched, sending me to the heights of pleasure. I felt her all over me, but still craved more. She made her way back to my lips briefly before working her way down over my breast and stomach to where I needed her the most. Her lips and tongue started a slow rhythm on me before speeding up and gradually taking me to the most beautiful climax I had experienced to date.

As I shook in the aftermath Ashley held me close and whispered words of love and devotion that made me feel safe and loved in way only she could. God I had missed this woman, who I had lost months ago to her job. The woman above me was _my _Ashley and I had longed for her. Once I had caught my breath I began my own tender assault on my girl. I kissed her long and deep before moving down her gorgeous body. I had to touch and taste all of her. I nipped, kisses, licked and teased her for as long as she could stand it before I took pity on the writhing woman beneath me and started to make my way back down her body, only to be pulled up so I could look into her eyes. I looked at her questioningly so she whispered breathily, "I need you up here with me." I smiled and dropped kisses all over her face and throat as I entered her with my fingers. I used my thumb to bring her to the edge and let my fingers take her over. I felt her arch against me as she came and covered her mouth with mine to muffle her scream. I kissed her tenderly before I took her into my arms.

I ran my hands over her back to sooth her in the aftermath of what had been an intense and emotional experience. I felt tears fill my eyes and slowly course their way down my cheeks. She looked up at me and murmured with concern, "Spencer, what's wrong?"

I shook my head and kissed her forehead before I whispered, "I love you."

Ashley smiled softly at me and whispered back, "I love you too, so much." After that the alcohol and the intense emotions of the night sent both of us into a deep sleep.

Ashley's POV

I woke up the next morning to find a gorgeous head of blonde hair resting on my chest and the rest of my beautiful girl tangled around my body. I felt a huge smile break out on my face, this, right here was perfect. I had the woman I loved in my arms and I had this feeling of peace, everything was exactly as it should be. Feeling our naked bodies fused together just felt so undeniably right. I couldn't bear to wake her so I lay there, cradling Spencer in my arms and watched her sleep.

We were lying there for another ten minutes or so when I felt my girl stir. She opened those cerulean eyes of hers and looked around her. I felt her body tense up and felt sick when I heard her whisper, "Oh my God," in a panicked voice. She sprung from the bed like it was on fire (which it kind of was the night before hehe). I sat up, covering my body with the sheet feeling a deep pain seeping through me. Spencer started to pace to the room, grabbing her clothes and trying to throw them on in a rush, all the while muttering, "Shit, Shit, Shit," under her breath.

I got out of bed and pulled on my robe before walking to her side and placing a hand on her shoulder. She refused to meet my eyes, she just looked anxious. She moved away so that my hand fell to my side and continued to pull on her clothing. "Spencer stop," I said softly when she didn't respond I took her shoulder a little more firmly and said, "Please."

She turned towards me, still not meeting my eyes and murmured, "This shouldn't have happened, it's too soon." I could hear the fear in her voice and my heart went out to her, God I had hurt her so much. I reached out and gently tilted her face so I could look into those remarkable eyes of hers. Her eyes were so expressive and I could always read exactly what she was thinking. She was confused and petrified and I could also see a hint of something that could possibly be almost happiness. I held her gaze and said, "Spencer please don't do this."

"Do what?" she asked, still looking into my eyes.

"Walk away from this. Spencer I know I screwed up but Baby I'm trying, I'm really trying. I'm sorry if you regret last night, but I don't, I can't. Being with you and waking up with you in my arms, it filled a hole that has been in my heart since I watched you walk out our front door." I pulled her into my arms and cradled her against me, "Please Spencer, don't walk away from us."

She let me hold her, I could feel her inner struggle and knew she was torn between staying in my arms and running away from the person who had caused her so much suffering. I knew she loved me, I couldn't doubt that, but I could feel the trepidation coming off her in waves.

She suddenly jerked out of my arms and took a few steps back away from me. "Ash I can't do this. I just can't," tears started to roll down her cheeks and I felt my heart aching for all the pain I had caused her. "I love you, God damn it I love you, but I can't do this. It just hurts too much and I'm so scared to let myself be vulnerable to you again. You broke my heart Ashley. I just can't go back. I love you but I just can't trust you." Spencer stopped and brought her hand to her mouth to try and stifle the sobs that were wracking her body.

I felt my own tears start to fall as I watched the woman I love break. Her words hurt, not gonna lie about that, but I knew I needed to hear them just as much as Spencer needed to say them. I swallowed around the lump in my throat and said, "Spencer I'm so sorry."

"I know Ashley and God I wish I could just get past this, go back to being us, but I can't. I'm not there yet, but I so want to be," Spencer sobbed. I pulled her back into my arms and let her cry on my shoulder.

"Spencer I told you I would give you space and I have, but I don't want to lose you from my life. Strip everything away and you and I were always friends. Could we try starting from there?" I asked tentatively. Spencer pulled back slightly so she could look into my eyes. She took a moment before answering, maybe trying to discern the truth in my eyes. She swallowed audibly and nodded. "Ok, I'm in. let's start slow as friends and see where it leads us, see if we can get back what was lost. Um but I have to go now, I have a lot to process after…well you know." I nodded and gave her a small but sincere smile.

Spencer turned to go, before turning back to me, giving me a tentative smile and a quick warm hug before she walked over to pick up her purse and jacket. As she got to the bedroom doorway Spencer turned back to me and said in a soft voice, "Um will you call me tonight?"

I nodded and murmured, "Or course I will. I promise." Spencer nodded and fixed me with a look that clearly said 'I'll believe it when I see it.' I felt my heart constrict painfully, I couldn't believe I had hurt her so much that she couldn't trust even the simplest of promises from me.

"Spencer I will call you tonight," I said with as much sincerity as I could. She smiled briefly at me and walked towards the front door. I followed her and gave her a smile as she turned back to me, her hand on the door handle, "For what it's worth being with you last night filled a hole in my heart too." She smiled again before walking out the door.

I leaned against the wall and felt a faint shimmer of hope, it was a small step but at least it was a step forward, maybe we could finally start to heal.

Spencer's POV

I had spent long day just thinking about everything. About how good it felt to be with Ashley again but how scared I was that she would hurt me again. When I woke up in her arms part of me just wanted to stay there forever while another part of me just wanted to run. I guess I chose run, well sort of anyway.

I felt the faint stirring of hope in my heart, we had taken a step forward and I felt that it was long since due. I mean I had my reasons why I hadn't contacted her in a month, I wanted to, God how I wanted to but I needed time and to be perfectly honest I was scared that if I called her and things hadn't changed I wouldn't be able to cope. I knew she didn't contact me because I'd asked her to give me space, but I was glad we were in contact now.

Ashley was right, before everything else we were friends and I really missed my friend (almost as much as I missed my girlfriend). Once we got our friendship back on track then maybe we could get us back on track. I really hoped so.

I was disturbed from my thoughts at exactly 7.30pm when my cell phone rang. I glanced at the caller id and beamed when I saw it was Ashley. I flipped open my phone and answered sweetly, "Hello Ashley."

"_Hey Spence, how are you?"_ came her husky voice down the line, I so love that voice

"Honestly? I'm confused, overwhelmed and kinda tired. You kept me up pretty late last night Miss Davies," I said with a chuckle.

"_Yeah me too, you're kind of insatiable Spence,_" Ashley teased.

"Only with you," I said softly.

"_But are you ok Spence?"_ Ashley asked seriously.

I smiled to myself, I liked that she was worried about me, "I think I will be, just got a lot on my mind these days with school, work, the family and well you," I paused briefly before whispering, "I miss you."

I heard Ashley swallow before she answered, "_I miss you too Spence, so much_."

"It's funny, since we broke up, since the moment I left, my instincts keep telling me to call my best friend, but that was…is…was…ah you. It's just hard. When things are great or shit or scary or whatever my first instinct has always been to call you. You were always so much more than just my girlfriend Ash, like you said strip it all away and we were always friends." I fell silent, my thoughts overwhelming me.

"_I totally get it Spence and its been exactly the same for me. So let's try this friend thing again, baby steps. I won't push or demand anything more. I miss you and will accept any part of your life that you will let me share with you_." Ashley said softly.

I smiled to myself and replied, "Ok, baby steps. So uh, maybe we could meet for coffee or something soon. You know if you can fit it around work." Oh God did I want to take that last sentence back, I didn't want to be all bitchy, but it just slipped out! "Shit Ash I'm sorry that was harsh, I didn't mean it," I apologised immediately.

"_It's ok Spence, I deserved that. Um let me know when is good for you and I'll be there, anytime at all_." Ashley replied.

"Ok uh well how about Thursday? I have class til 2pm but I'm free after that?" I said hesitantly. If I was perfectly honest I was almost testing Ashley. I so desperately wanted to trust her, but I needed to know if I was a priority so I picked a time in the middle of the work day.

"_I'll be there, how about I pick you up from class and we go to that café just off campus that makes those donuts you're so crazy about?"_ Ashley offered, sounding happier than I'd heard her in a very long time.

"Sounds perfect, I'll meet you in the usual place at like 2.15ish?" I suggested. Ashley used to pick me up from class on occasion so we had a designated meeting spot.

"_Yeah I'll be there with bells on, minus the bells_." Ashley chuckled and I couldn't help but giggle in response and then instinctively replied, "I think bells would look sexy on you," Oh my God I am such a tool! "Oh…um, well I'll see you then. Uh call me sometime if you like," I stuttered. I am almost positive she could hear me blushing through the phone.

Ashley laughed softly and said, "_Great and I'll definitely call you. Bye Spence_."

"Bye Ash." We hung up and I couldn't help the small and extremely hopeful smile on my lips. I put my phone down on my bedside table and snuggled back into my pillows clutching the teddy Ashley had given me. I reached over and gently lifted a photo frame off the bedside table. It was the one I could never sleep without. I smiled to myself as I remembered Ashley teasing me on the day I moved into the loft for my inability to be without that photo of us at the beach the day I told her I liked girls.

Even after everything that had happened, that photo was one of my most treasured possessions. Just thinking of that day when we moved in together, the love and joy between me and Ashley, made me feel warm inside. I love her and I always will, I'm just scared to let her in again. She hurt me so badly I wasn't sure I would ever recover but I still loved her with all of my being. She was a huge part of me and I wished with all my heart that I could just move past this and forgive her, I wasn't quite there yet, but I knew I would be

It felt so amazing to be with her the night before, to get to hold her and touch her. I could lie and say I was so wasted that I didn't know what I was doing, but I won't do that. From the second I felt her arms around my waist at the club I knew I would end up making love to her. I wanted it, wanted her so desperately and I pushed aside all thoughts of the past and the consequences. All I wanted was my Ashley, and I found her.

When I woke up in her arms I panicked, pure and simple. All the heart break and pain came rushing back to me and I freaked out. I felt so confused. In the cold light of day I knew that it was too soon and that I wasn't ready yet. I wanted her and I loved her but we needed to rebuild before we can even think about being together again.

So here I am putting myself out there, well slightly. I want our friendship because that's where we started, where _us _began. I'll give her the chance to show me she can change and make me a priority, but I know my heart cannot survive going through it all again. It would actually be easier if I could hate her and walk away, it would certainly save me a lot of confusion and hurt, but life would be grey. After the technicolour of being in love with Ashley Davies I can't exist in grey.

**Well there's chapter 8 done and dusted. I hope you enjoyed this instalment. **

**I have been enjoying reading your reviews and feedback so keep em coming. **

**Chapter 9 will be up shortly.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Here's Chapter 9, hope you like it…**

**You Have To Go There To Come Back**

**Chapter 9**

Ashley's POV

I pulled into a parking space on the UCLA campus at 2.10 exactly to pick Spencer up. I had been looking forward to seeing her all week! I had spoken to her on the phone every night since our night together, but it wasn't the same as actually seeing her and getting to watch her big baby blue eyes while she spoke. Plus we had keep things light on the phone, superficial. As great as that was I was more than ready to move past the superficial and start talking about what mattered.

It had been easy to get the afternoon off work, the perks of being your own boss. Grey promised he would handle anything that came up and then practically shoved me out the door telling me to 'go get my bird.' Not too sure how thrilled Spencer would be to be called anyone's 'bird' but with Grey there isn't much else you can do but laugh. He is totally a law unto himself!

I sat in the car waiting for Spencer. I had to take a couple of deep breaths to try and calm myself down, I was a jumble of nerves and excitement. It was almost like I was a kid going off on their first date…but of course in a totally cool and sexy way and not in a dorky, sweaty palms kind of way. The anticipation of this moment, actually getting to spend time with Spencer, was almost unbearable. I couldn't remember ever feeling so nervous.

I checked my appearance in the rear-view mirror, hey it doesn't hurt to look hot when trying to win back your ex! I had taken extra care with my appearance that day. I wanted to look hot but not in an 'I'm-trying-too-hard' sort of way. I had settle for skinny grey jeans with black pin-stripped vest that left most of my abs bare and showed off the black lacy bra I was wearing underneath. I had my hair straightened and up in a pony-tail and had accessorised with black high-heels, a thick bracelet that was made up of three chain-link strands with leather threaded through and a set of black beads round my neck.

I glanced away from the mirror and saw Spencer walking towards me with a huge smile on her face. Wow she looked genuinely happy to see me! I jumped out of the car and started walking towards the beautiful blonde. And can I just say wow! She was looking hot! She was wearing skinny blue jeans with a deep purple tank top. Her bag was slung over her shoulder and she had white Converses on her feet, my girl loves her Converse! Her hair was straight and flowing over her tanned shoulders and she was wearing a white gold necklace with a Tifany and Co heart pendant on it. I recognised the necklace instantly because I had given it to her as a belated graduation present (I'd hung it on the rear-view mirror of the car me, her parents and brother all chipped in to buy. She didn't notice the necklace until I flicked it, sending it swinging into her face). My girl had always had a thing for heart necklaces.

"Hey you," I called out as I walked towards her, a monumentally huge smile on my face.

"Hey back. I'm so glad you're here Ash," Spencer said as she stopped at my side.

I started leading her towards my car, "So how bout that coffee and donut? If I know Spencer Carlin a post-class coffee will be in order. A non-caffeinated Spencer is not a pleasant Spencer!" I teased.

Spencer laughed and playfully punched me in the arm. I just chuckled and opened the passenger door for her before heading over to the driver's side. I jumped in and smiled over at the blonde, "I'm so glad we're doing this Spence."

"Yeah me too, now drive Jeeves!" I laughed and reversed out of the car park. The drive to the café was spent with us singing, badly I might add, along to the radio. It was like old times, and it felt pretty damn good!

Once we were seated in a booth at the café with our coffee and donuts, Spencer turned to me and asked in a voice far too serious for my liking, "So Kyla said you quit your job with Ethan and Madison, can I ask why?"

I thought about how I should answer, but opted for straight up honesty, "I quit because I hated the person I was while I worked there. I hated the way I was treating you and Kyla and I hated that I had let that job consume me so much that I destroyed us. Plus Madison was getting more and more unbearable, working with her has got to be one of the levels of hell. I should have quit long ago." I looked up to meet her eyes and was surprised to find her smiling cheekily at me, "What?" I asked confused.

"I was just thinking, I wish I had been there to see you break her nose!" Spencer burst out laughing and I soon followed suit.

"I'd love to tell you I'm not proud of that, but quite frankly besides quitting, decking that bitch was the best moved I'd made in a damn long time!" I choked out between laughing fits.

Once out laughter was under control Spencer gave me a smirk, "So Dirty Mind Records huh? Where'd you come up with that name?" She asked teasingly.

"Well I may have been inspired by this certain blonde I know," I smirked back, leaning forward to flick at a few strands of her long silky hair for emphasis.

"Ah I see, lucky blonde," Spencer grinned and then bit her lip, "Ash I just wanted to tell you that I'm proud of you, really proud."

I felt tears fill my eyes, tears of happiness of course, and flashed her my nose-crinkling grin, "you have no idea how much that means to me Spence, thank you." Spencer then surprised me by leaning over the table to take my hand in hers and giving it a gentle squeeze.

"You're so welcome," She said softly.

"Spence, I'm proud of you too. I heard about the documentary you did and it sounds incredible. I'm so proud of you for making your dreams come true." Now it was her turn to get all teary-eyed.

"Thanks Ash, it was a labour of love and really helped me to um cope after…well everything." The smiles faded from both our faces to be replaced by looks of compassion and understanding.

"The record label was that for me too." I replied.

"I like that we are both starting to live our dreams," Spencer said with a small smile on her lips.

"Yeah me too, I just wish it had played out differently you know." I loved my job and was excited about the future there but I desperately wanted Spencer with me so my dreams would be complete, they never would be without her.

Spencer gave my hand another squeeze and then said sweetly, "You know what Joey said on Dawson's Creek, 'dreams come true, not free'. We are starting to live our dreams, but it's not totally complete is it?" Yeah my girl quoted Dawson's Creek, our former guilty little pleasure back in high school, we are both geeks at heart and I love it.

"No but now that you're here the dream is getting a bit closer." I said softly. Spencer flashed me a blinding smile and untangled our hands to take a drink of her coffee. I immediately felt the loss of her hand, but hey a little hand holding was more than I thought I'd ever get from her again so I was a happy camper.

"I feel the same. It's gonna take time, but I know we'll get there, at least I have my best friend back." Ok so my heart totally melted at her words, how is it possible that I just keep falling more and more in love with her?

Our coffee date ended up lasting over three hours. We fell easily back into our old familiar banter with some subtle flirting mixed in. We talked about our lives, filling each other in on all the news since we had parted. It was pleasantly surprising how easy it was to be together. There was no awkwardness, no bitterness, just friendship. It was amazing.

After I had told some lame story about being hit on by a 60 year old man while seeing a band I wanted to sign to the label, Spencer glanced down at her watch and looked really disappointed. "Shit, how did it get so late?! I'm so sorry but I really have to go."

I felt disappointed sure, but also kinda pleased that she seemed so upset she had to leave. "Ok well can I give you a ride?" I asked, anxious to prolong my time with the stunning blonde in front of me. I gave her a small smile, which was ready to become a big smile with the slightest encouragement. Which I got.

"Yeah that'd be great, thanks Ash," Spencer grinned at me, "I'm due home for dinner with the family, its Chelsea's second last night before she heads back to Paris. Um actually why don't you come over for dinner?" I think my smile became scary and creepily big at that point, I was so glad she'd asked me!

"My Dad is making dinner so you know it'll be good and I know the family would really love to see you," Spencer said trying to convince me, like I needed convincing!

"Seriously? You sure that's ok?" I asked, trying not to show how absolutely ecstatic I was at the prospect of this dinner and failing miserably.

"Absolutely Ash. It would mean a lot to me and my Mom has been driving me crazy asking about you so please do me this favour and say you'll come to dinner? Pretty Please?" Spencer asked with her endearing, puppy-dog pout on her face. It was a look I had never been able to refuse and I wasn't going to start now.

"Sure I'd love to. Thanks Spence, it means a lot that you asked me."

"My pleasure, now let's go so Glen doesn't eat it all before we get any!" we laughed and left the café to head towards the car. Spencer surprised me, yet again, but linking her arm through mine as we walked. I bit my lip and smiled joyously. I saw Spencer grinning at me as she glanced over out of the corner of her eye.

The drive to the Carlin's house was spent reminiscing about past dinner's we had shared with Spencer's family, despite the way our relationship had ended we had definitely shared a multitude of truly wonderful moments. Being together it was easy to forget the awful, upsetting memories and only remember the good.

I parked my Porsche in front of the Carlin's and sat tensely in my seat. "Ash, you know in order for us to have dinner we actually have to get out of the car?" Spencer teased. I laughed and hopped out of the car, Spencer always had an amazing way of making everything feel alright.

Spencer's POV

It was so sweet how excited Ashley was when I invited her to dinner with the family. I totally wasn't lying when I said she'd be doing me a favour in coming. My Mom had been asking about Ashley constantly, she had really come to care about her, which was nice to see after their history.

Spending the afternoon with Ashley was beyond incredible. The old Ashley was back, the grumpy, self-centred, bitchy Ashley that I had broken up with was gone. I had so missed my Ashley and it had been so great to reconnect with her again. For the afternoon I was able to completely forget everything that had happened and just focus on how brilliant it was to just be with her.

It was so easy, we knew each other so well. I had missed our banter and the way we could talk about anything or nothing and still always have something to say. As we walked up to the front door of my parent's house I felt hope consume my whole being. This was right. I could see how much Ashley was trying and how much she still cared about me. We would be ok, I felt it in my bones.

I opened the door and pushed her ahead of me into the house. Ashley let out an adorable yelp as she stumbled inside. I couldn't help but laugh at her, which made her pout in that sexy way of hers. I smiled and took her hand, leading her into the kitchen.

"Mom, Dad, I hope you don't mind but I invited a guest for dinner," I called out.

We walked in and Mom said absent-mindedly while helping Dad cook, "Sure Sweetie that's fine." Then she happened to glance up and see Ashley. She let out a squeal and raced around the bench towards us. I felt Ashley freeze on the spot, clearly trying to decide between flight or fight, before Mom grabbed her and pulled her into a fierce hug. "Ashley! It is so great to see you honey! We've missed you!"

"Ah Mom, I think Ashley would like to breathe at some point," I teased. Mom laughed and let Ashley go, just far enough that she could sling an arm over her shoulder, while still giving Ash some room to breathe.

"It's ok, I missed you too Mrs C, and you Mr C," Ashley said with a heart-stopping smile. Seeing her interacting with my Mom and Dad made a rush of warmth flow over me. She really was part of the family and it felt right to have her there.

Glen and Chelsea came into the kitchen, both beaming when they saw Ashley getting a big hug from my Dad, Arthur Carlin gives the BEST hugs.

"Yo look what the cat, and by cat I mean Spencer, dragged in!" Glen said as he walked up to Ashley. As soon as Dad released her Glen surprised us all and dragged Ashley into a warm hug. I think my jaw literally hit the floor! I seriously started to wonder if Glen had been abducted by aliens or given a lobotomy, but then he reverted to his true self by shoving Ashley out of the way (I had to catch her before she tumbled to the floor) and barrelling over to the table, "Man I'm starving let's eat, come on parentals, lesbos and hot girl, let's get our grub on!"

I walked over and smacked him on the back of the head before taking a seat across from him. "You can be such a pig sometimes!" I snapped. Ashley giggled and took a seat beside me, while Chelsea took her seat beside Glen. Mom and Dad brought the food in and I felt my mouth water. My Dad had made his famous burritos. I could barely wait until Mom said grace before I dug in. Me and Glen tucked in at the same time, both oblivious to the look of horror on our mother's face and the looks of amusement on everyone else's.

Finally it occurred to me that no one else was eating so I stopped, mouth full and looked around at everyone, "What?" I mumbled through my food. Ashley, Chelsea and my Dad all laughed, while Glen looked as confused as I was, Mom was not amused, "did I raise children or pigs? We have guests could you two at least pretend to be civilised human beings?" Mom shook her head and raised her knife and fork, "Utensils, learn to use them please." Utensils? Whoever heard of eating burritos with a knife and fork? Where's the fun in that?

I did however, blush an intense shade of scarlet. No one wants to be called a pig in front of their ex-girlfriend/best friend/hopefully-future-girlfriend. Ashley giggled at me again before starting on her food. I picked up my knife and fork and started eating again, much slower this time.

The rest of the meal passed without further incident. We all chatted and laughed, Ashley filled the others in about the record label and talked about the artists she was working with. Chelsea regaled us with stories of Paris and Glen bitched about a professor at the community college that was giving him grief. Mom and Dad kept smiling at Ashley, it was sweet how glad they were to see her.

After dinner we reassembled in the living room for some homemade brownies and milk. I loved seeing my family interacting with Ashley as though nothing had changed, it made it all the more apparent that things were as they should be. After another hour or so of chatting Glen and Chelsea left to spend some 'alone' time together (which was just code for something I really don't want to picture my brother doing) and Mom and Dad left to clean up, refusing our half-hearted offers to help.

When it was just me and Ashley left I turned by body so I could face her, we were sitting at either end of the couch. "Thanks so much for coming tonight Ash, it meant a lot to me."

"No thank you for inviting me, it was so great to be here again. I really missed everyone," She said giving me a beautiful smile, "Even Glen." She added as an after thought. We laughed.

"Well in that case you're very welcome," I teased. "Hey Ash?"

"Yeah."

"It's nice to have you back. I felt like I'd lost you for a while there, but here you are and I am so glad," I smiled shyly.

"What do you mean Spence?" Ashley asked with a confused smile on her face.

"I just mean that after you started that job with Ethan and Madison I felt like the you I fell in love with disappeared leaving someone behind who I barely knew. I missed you, the you I know better than I know myself. The you that kidnapped me when my Mom freaked out when she caught us in bed together, the you who wrote Dirty Mind for me, the you who gets me and can read me like a book. I missed the you who treated me like I was the most special and important person alive. While you worked at that job, you stopped being that person and it really sucked. But the other night after the club when we were together, this week on the phone and hanging out with you today, I feel like I've found my Ashley again and that makes me so happy." I paused and saw tears start to spill down her cheeks. "Oh Ash, come here," I opened my arms and she moved to lie on top of me in my embrace.

I cradled her against me, murmuring nonsense words to sooth her. "Spence I'm so sorry I got so lost." Her words were muffled by my neck but I heard every syllable.

"It's ok Ash, you're here now, we're both here now and that's what matters. We will move on from here and everything will work out. I know it will. I've told you this before, we get the happy ending. This is just a detour we have to navigate, but we get the happy ending, of that I'm sure." I felt her snuggle closer to me and heard her crying softly. I rubbed her back and gently stroked her silky, mahogany hair.

"Why are you so amazing?" She asked, leaning on her hand so she could look me in the eye.

I smirked, "I dunno I just am!" we both laughed and sat up next to each other on the couch, my arm firmly around her shoulders.

"I can't believe how easy it has been today to just fall back into how we used to be, it's awesome but I thought it would be, I dunno…harder? I guess," Ashley said as she leaned against my side.

"I can make it harder if you like," I teased. Ashley vehemently shook her head and I laughed, "Ash it was easy because it wasn't a lack of love that broke us apart. We love each other still and care about each other. I left because I was hurting, not because I stopped loving you. Like you said we were friends first and that never really changed so it was easy for us to fall back to how we were."

"I guess you're right. I'm just so glad we're here now." I hugged her against my side as she laid her head on my shoulder.

We spent the rest of the evening watching T.V and bantering with each other. I can't remember the last time I'd had so much fun just watching T.V.

It was pretty late when Ashley said goodbye to my parents and I walked her out to her car. We stood sort of awkwardly next to the driver's door, neither of us really sure what to do.

"Spence I had a really great time with you today, can we do it again soon?" Ashley asked with a shy smile on her lips. I loved it when Ashley went all shy, it did not happen often!

"Definitely, and I had a great time too. Good night Ash," I murmured.

"Night Spence." She went to get into the car but I grasped her arm and gently pulled her into a warm hug.

It was brief, too brief in my opinion, but we had said baby steps after all. We grinned at each other as she got in the car. Our eyes were locked until she was out of sight. I hugged my arms around myself as I walked inside. I couldn't help the smile that covered my face. It truly had been an amazing day.

I was about to head upstairs when a voice made me jump, almost out of my skin for the record, "So I see you are giving her the chance to surprise you then?" I spun around to see my Mom leaning in the doorway with a huge smile on her face.

I grinned, "Yeah and so far I have been pleasantly surprised I must say. Mom it's like she is actually the Ashley I fell in love with again. I can't tell you how wonderful it felt to be with her today. I can't believe how much I missed her."

"I'm glad. She just got a little lost Spence and she made mistakes, which I'm sure both of you are well aware of. She just needed to learn what the important things in life are, which I'd say, by the looks she was giving you all night, she has. Good night Sweetie." Mom gave me a kiss on the cheek and disappeared up the stairs. I followed her soon after.

I had half expected my day with Ashley to be awkward and tense. We had spoken on the phone, but always kept it light so I was scared it'd be weird hanging out face to face. I guess I just forgot how comfortable and happy she has always been able to make me feel. I was pleasantly surprised and couldn't wipe the smile off my face as I climbed into bed. I must say I had some very pleasant dreams that night.

Ashley's POV

So dinner with the Carlins and Chelsea was beyond awesome. It felt just like old times, just with less sneaking off to make out with Spencer, not that I would have protested if that had eventuated. I really felt like me and Spence reconnected that day and things had been going great since.

It was now two and a bit weeks since the dinner and we had spoken on the phone every day, sometimes more than once. We had hung out several times. A movie here, lunch there, a trip to the beach, a shopping expedition that led to Spencer's almost wetting herself with laughter while I tried to find a birthday present for that demon I call Mom. I wanted to get her a t-shit that said 'Man-Candy Auditions' but Spencer thought it may not be appropriate, yeah she was right but can you imagine Christine's face if I got her that! Priceless!

Out friendship was firmly back on track and the flirting was becoming more and more obvious between us (like when we went shopping for bikinis, the flirting then was so blatant I think it's a miracle we didn't end up in a compromising position in the change rooms – for the record I would have been 150% up for that). It was actually a lot like we were back in high school before we got together, pretty much a couple but without the making out and all that. We were intimate without actually being intimate.

It's how it always was with us. Even when we weren't technically together we were still irrefutably connected. I mean neither of us were seeing anyone else, we spent all our free time together, we talked on the phone for hours every day, we flirted so blatantly it was almost embarrassing and we always found little ways of touching each other. It was like we literally had to have the contact to survive. Like when we went to the movies, we leaned against each other and held hands. Ok so it was a horror movie and Spencer was shitting herself (she is a royal wimp when it comes to horrors, yet she loves em) but the hand holding started during the previews and continued well into the credits. It was awesome!

The night before on the phone Spencer had invited me to the screening of her documentary at a film festival in two weeks time. It felt so unbelievably great to be asked. It meant a lot she wanted me to share that moment with her, she even told me that she didn't care if no one else came, just as long as I was there. Yeah I totally became mush after that, it was a total 'awww' moment. She is the sweetest and kindest woman I know and she says the nicest things. I am so crazy in love with her.

Tonight was the launch of Arona's first single. The party was being held at Ego (I still have some pull in that place) and we were expecting a huge turn out. The song was getting some buzz on myspace so we had high hopes for the single. Me and Grey had been working overtime to make sure everything went perfectly for this launch. I did not, however, let this interfere with my Spencer time. I had definitely learnt my lesson. I think I had found a good balance between my work and personal life and I wasn't going to fuck that up again.

It had taken losing her completely for me to realise that she was the most important thing in my universe. Without Spencer none of the rest of it meant a damn thing. I loved music and I loved my work, but without Spencer it was all for nothing. What is the point in living your dream if you can't share it with your soul mate?

This night would be special. Spencer was coming, she had seemed so thrilled when I invited her. It meant the world to me that she was going to be there for this huge moment in my life, that she _wanted_ to be there. I wanted her there for all the moments, big or small, truth be told.

I dressed to kill, well not literally but I wanted to look smoking hot! I had something special planned and I needed to look great. I was wearing a scarlet corset-like, strapless top over a pair of black shorts that showed of generous amounts of leg. I teamed this with black, peep-toe heels and a series of chains around my neck in either black or silver. On my wrist I had a few black leather cuffs and a thick silver bracelet. My hair was in lose curls around my face, the way Spencer liked it best. I felt great.

I arrived at Ego early to set up and check on the band, which I have to say were calmer than me. This was a huge deal and I was shitting myself. I had invested so much time, energy and money into this label and I so wanted this to go well. I was on the verge of a complete panic attack when my blonde angel walked towards me. I instantly felt better, just from seeing her. She looked like a goddess!

Spencer was wearing a spaghetti strapped midnight blue dress, which clung to her body in all the right places. The dress hung to just above her knees and left a lot of tanned skin visible. She was teetering along in a pair of black heels and was wearing the Tifany and Co heart pendant I'd given her. Her long blond hair was swept half up and flowed down over her shoulders. My God she was so beautiful.

I walked over to her and pulled her into my arms. We embraced for what felt like eternity before she pulled back and smiled at me, "Hey there Rock Star. You alright?"

I beamed, crinkling my nose, and replied, "God I am now!" Spencer giggled, one of the greatest sounds on earth, and gave me another hug.

"You are a charmer Ashley Davies," Spencer said with an adorable grin.

"Oh baby you ain't seen nothing yet," I smirked. Spencer threw back her head and laughed before taking my hand in hers and giving me a kiss on the cheek.

My grin became impossibly big. "So would you like to come and meet the band?" I asked. Spencer nodded enthusiastically and let me lead her back stage. We scooted around the roadies who were hastily setting up equipment and made our way to the green room where the band sat relaxing and playing cards, I have no idea how they were so chilled about the whole thing!

"Hey guys, I want you to meet Spencer. Spencer this is Arona!" I introduced. The band members stood up to greet Spencer. Hand shakes were exchanged and then Spencer came to Hope who gave her a huge grin, "So this is _the_ Spencer? Wow I have heard so much about you!" I blushed and started at the ground, silently praying for the impossible – that Hope would shut the hell up!

Spencer giggled and said, "All good I hope."

"Oh yeah totally, according to Ash you have no flaws and are the perfect female specimen," Hope said. Ok so my blush just became life-threatening, to Hope. I shook my head at Hope to get her to shut up, causing both her and Spencer to laugh.

"Aw Ash you really are just a big marshmallow aren't you?" Spencer teased. I mumbled something incoherent and steered Spencer from the room, desperate to end my public humiliation. I tried to ignore the sounds of the band laughing as I hurried Spencer away.

Spencer couldn't keep the grin off her face as we walked back out to the main floor of the club, but she very kindly kept her thoughts to herself. It took a while but my blush faded and I was able to look Spencer in the eye again.

"So I'd better get back stage and get this show on the road, I'll meet you after?" I asked as I got her to a table I'd had reserved for her near the stage. The table was already home to Kyla, Aiden and Glen who stopped talking as soon as we neared them…hmm wonder who they were talking about?

"Yeah definitely. Ash this is so awesome and I'm so proud of you," I kissed her on the cheek before she could continue, "Now go get your ass back stage the crowd awaits." I flashed her another smile and headed back through the crowd to the green room. The place was packed and it was time for the show to begin!

**So I hope you liked this Chapter, our girls getting back on track. The start of this chapter was actually the first part of this fanfic I wrote, the rest all stemmed from there. Stay tuned for the next instalment!**

**Please read and review.**

**DontMindBnCrazy – thanks for your kinds words and I'm glad you liked the chapter. I felt it was important to see how Spencer had been faring, plus I didn't want to jump right into revealing the cliff hanger. Really glad you were ok with the length of time they didn't speak, I thought it worked for them.**

**hugbuddy13** – **So glad you like it, and I agree it is so good that they're working on their friendship. **

**me4son – Awww, you are so sweet, thank you so much for your lovely review!**

**LoveAsh87 – thank you so much, your review means a lot to me. I used to write just for me and this site is the first time I've ever put my writing out there to be read so it is so great to get such positive responses. You are a gem! **

**2bz2breading – Thanks for your review, I really enjoyed reading your thoughts. I have to agree with you 100%, being plastered and in love is a bad mix when you bump into the object of your affection when you're not together! **

**Thanks again, you guys are awesome!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Hey guys, thank you all for the amazing reviews, you guys are total rock stars!!**

**It is so awesome to get positive reviews for chapter 9!**

**me4son – Thank you once again for your kind words, you are definitely very sweet (but I doubt you have to try very hard). I'm so glad you liked the chapter!!**

**hugbuddy13 & LoveAsh87 – Thanks and I'm glad you like seeing our girls get back on track, I love them together too much to not have them starting to find their way.**

**2bz2breading – thanks heaps. I really wanted to have Spencer invite Ashley to dinner because I felt that the Carlins would be missing Ash too and it seemed like a way of Spencer literally letting Ashley back in.**

**DontMindBnCrazy – Thanks for your review, hope you like the next instalment.**

**I am a bit nervous about chapter 10, so please let me know what you think.**

**You Have To Go There To Come Back**

**Chapter 10**

Spencer's POV

I was so excited to be at Ego for the launch of Arona's first single. Ashley had worked so hard on this and I so wanted it to go perfectly for her. It was incredible to see how hard she had worked for this. I made small talk with Kyla, Aiden and Glen, all the while keeping my eyes locked on the stage waiting for the launch to begin, or more specifically waiting for Ashley to walk onto the stage. I tried to tell myself I was just excited for my _friend_, but we all know I was totally lying to myself.

Finally Ashley made her way to the microphone. She was looking beyond hot that night and I was having to fight the urge to drag her backstage and do some things to her that I'd never want my Mom to know about. Ash smiled at the audience and winked at me (insert dreaming stare and dorky sigh here), "Good evening guys my name is Ashley Davies and I wanted to welcome you to the official launch of the first single from a truly awesome band, Arona. The single is called 'Facing Who I am' and is now officially available at all record stores, with their debut album coming soon! Dirty Mind Records is proud and honoured to be a part of this journey with an amazingly talented bunch of people. So let's get em out here!"

Ashley paused to let the crowd cheer and applaud. "Ok so on lead vocals and guitar we have Hope," more applause, "on bass we have Africa," applause and a fair few catcalls, "on vocals and drums we have Grady," yet more applause, "and finally on keyboard we have Helix!" The crowd went wild as the last band member joined them on stage.

"Ok so I'm going to hand it over to Hope and Grady and then, if you're really lucky, we may be able to convince these guys to perform a few songs for you!" Ashley ran off the stage to thunderous applause, which I'll admit was loudest from me. I think I may be a groupie! Wait do record label execs have groupies? Oh well who cares?!

Hope and Grady walked over to the microphone, beaming smiles out over the crowd. "Hey everyone, thanks for coming out tonight to help us celebrate the launch of 'Facing Who I Am.' We just wanted to take this opportunity to thank everyone at Dirty Mind Records, yeah even you Grey," Hope teased as the crowd laughed. "But special thanks have to go to Ashley Davies who took a chance on us, a dinky little band from the 'burbs and gave us our shot, thanks Davies you are truly awesome!" Hope stepped back as Grady stepped in front of the microphone.

"We also want to thank our fans, friends and family for the endless support and encouragement, especially Africa's Mom who let us use her garage as a practice space and carted us to gigs in the family minivan. This has been a wild ride! 'Facing Who I Am' was jointly written by our very own lead singer Hope and our hero Ashley Davies. If you guys don't mind we'd love to play it for you now," Grady said with a big smile to the audience. The crowd loudly cheered their approval and the band took their place behind their instruments. Grady tapped out the count on his drum sticks and the band launched into the song.

Glen, Kyla, Aiden and I left our table and hit the dance floor. Glen and I started dancing together only to have my beautiful brunette cut in. Glen graciously bowed out, giving Ashley a huge smile, and I let my self be pulled into Ashley's arms. I could lie and tell you it was a dance between friends, but I won't do that. From the second her arms went around me 'friends' went out the window.

We swayed to the music, arms wrapped around each other and cheeks resting on each other shoulders. The song was beautiful, melodic and haunting. I clutched Ashley to me as the lyrics made their way over me and into my soul.

'I'm made too many mistakes babe

Made one too many wrong turns

I've messed up and broken down

But I think I've finally leaned

I lost sight of the person I was babe

Forgot who I wanted to be

I screwed up and ran away darling

But I know now what I need

I'm facing who I am babe

Seeing what I missed

Reliving where I went wrong

History no longer doomed to be repeated

I'm facing who I am

Facing who I am

The road has been long and winding babe

Confusing and downright hard

I lost it all now I'm fighting back

It's time to tear down this façade

I hurt you and I know that babe

God I wish it wasn't so

In losing you I lost it all

God only knows how I stopped so low

I promise I will fix it babe

I swear I'll make it right

I can't face another moment alone

I swear I'll make it right

I'm facing who I am babe

Seeing what I missed

Reliving where I went wrong

History no longer doomed to be repeated

I'm facing who I am

Facing who I am

History no longer doomed to be repeated

I'm facing who I am

Facing who I am'

As the last note faded out the audience broke into thunderous applause. I stood stock still in Ashley's arms just gazing into her eyes. That song could have been written about us. After a moment I tore my gaze away from Ashley's and joined the applause, feeling a little dazed to tell you the truth.

As the band started the next song I found myself back in Ashley's arms. She seemed to be able to tell how dazed I was and tenderly swayed me to the music. She put her lips against my ear and whispered, "Hope and I wrote that song about us. I wanted a way to tell you that I know I screwed up but that I won't ever be that person again." I pulled back so I would see her mocha eyes and gave her a smile before I kissed her tenderly on the cheek. I was so overwhelmed! I had a multitude of emotions racing around in my head, it was all a bit much really.

"It's beautiful Ashley, thank you so much, it means more to me than I can say." We fell into a comfortable silence and continued swaying to the music. I think Ashley could tell I was a bit overwhelmed. I couldn't stop thinking about the song Ashley and Hope had written. The lyrics touched me more than any piece of music ever had. I held Ashley as close to me as I could and buried my face in her neck, drinking in the unique scent that was all her. My God I loved her. After a few songs Ashley had to excuse herself to run back stage. I watched her go with a strange feeling settling over my heart.

I missed her already and she'd only be gone a moment. I wanted her with me, always. It was in that moment that I realised that I had completely forgiven her and was ready to move on, with her. It was in that moment that I realised it was all ok. I knew that I was completely and irrevocably in love with Ashley Davies and I couldn't let the past ruin our future.

I wandered back to the table in deep thought. I sat down and pondered the last few weeks of my life. Being with her, having her in my life, made everything better. While I was with Ashley everything felt right in my world and I felt truly alive. I couldn't pinpoint the exact moment I forgave her, I guess it had been a gradual process as I got to see my Ashley back to being herself.

I was pulled from my musings by the applause as the band finished their last song. I clapped along with everyone else, but kept scanning the room for my girl. I had to talk to her, had to see her. I had to hear her say, what I knew in my heart to be true. That she loved me. Glen, Kyla and Aiden joined me at the table giving me big cheesy grins that I found a tad suspicious, hell maybe they'd all hit the red cordial or something?

Hope stepped back up to the microphone and called out, "Ok ladies, gentlemen and not so gentlemen," the audience laughed, although I was in my own little world and didn't really register, "so we have a little treat for you all tonight. The lovely CEO of Dirty Mind Records has offered to grace us all with a song which she wrote." What, wait…what did she say? I was confused until I saw Ashley walk out onto the stage with her acoustic guitar. Kyla, Aiden and Glen shared knowing glances but I barely noticed, my eyes were trained on the breath-taking women on stage.

She took a seat on a stool in front of the microphone. "Thanks Hope, let's give it up for Arona one more time!" The crowd cheered and clapped, I sat frozen, my eyes locked on my girl. "Ok well if you guys don't mind I've written a song for a very special woman who's here tonight and I'd like to play it for her if you'll indulge me," the crowed cheered their approval, "Spence this ones for you, it's called I Promise You."

Our eyes locked and held as she began strumming her guitar and the band took their places ready to come into the song in the right moments. I could barely breathe as her husky voice washed over me.

'In the morning, when I wake dear,  
Your memory comforts me.  
In the darkness, when I'm frightened,  
I can see you in my dreams.

Though I'm far dear, though we're parted,  
I know that time can change nothing.  
So if you feel afraid, and if your hope is gone,  
Just remember all these things I promise you.

I will move heaven,  
I will move hell and earth to be where you are.  
I will move heaven,  
And it might take my life,  
It might take forever,  
But I promise you.

As I sail through, stormy seas dear,  
You come to still my heart.  
As I walk through, a path of danger,  
You lead me through the dark.

Though I'm far dear, and though were parted,  
I know that time can change nothing.  
So if you feel alone, and if your faith is gone,  
Just remember all these things I promised you.

I will move heaven,  
I will move hell and earth to be where you are.  
I will move heaven,  
I will move hell and earth to be where you are.  
I will move heaven,  
And it may take this life,  
It may take forever,

I promise you.  
I promise you.'

I think I held my breath the entire time she was singing, either that or she literally took my breath away. I felt tears start to trickle from my eyes as I stood up. Ashley followed suit, laying down her guitar and hopping off the stage. We started to move towards each other as if pulled by some gravitational force. All I knew was that I simply had to get to her. There was nothing on earth that would stop me from getting to my girl in that moment.

The crowd parted like the Red Sea, everyone else in the room melted away and all I saw was my girl. We reached each other and both hesitated, waiting for the other to make the first move. I guess we were both scared that if we moved it would all disappear and the dream that was the moment would be gone. I smiled warmly as I tenderly reached out to hold her and pull her to me so I could kiss her with all the love I felt. She responded instantly and we sunk into sublime ecstasy as our mouths moved together and our hand held each other closer.

Her body was crushed against mine, my hands in her gorgeous brown curls, while hers circled my waist. We broke apart breathing heavily, resting our foreheads together. Her eyes bore into mine, reading my every thought and emotion. It was then that I became aware of the screams of approval and loud clapping of the audience, I was sure I could discern Glen's loud cheers of approval from the general din.

I blushed a deep crimson and laughed, happiness bubbling over me. Ashley cupped my face in her hands, tenderly wiping the remaining tears from my cheeks with the pads of her thumbs. She kissed my forehead, then the tip of my nose before capturing my lips in a sweet kiss that made me feel light-headed and kinda drugged.

She took my hand and led me from the room, away from the masses and into the back of the club. Once we were away from everyone she turned to face me with the biggest smile on her beautiful face. She bit her lip and moved to stand before me. She almost looked scared, like she thought I was about to blow her off or something. I held her gaze as I took her hand in mine and whispered, "It's ok Ash. I love you and I want us again."

Ashley's POV

"It's ok Ash. I love you and I want us again." My girl whispered to me. I had been waiting to hear those words for so long I was almost positive I was dreaming. I reached out to gently stroke the smooth skin of her cheek, a huge smile making its way onto my face. I was touching her face and she wasn't disappearing, this was real, it wasn't a dream.

"Really? You mean it?" I was in a kind of daze and needed to hear it again.

Spencer tilted her head and gave me the smile that I know is reserved for only me, "Yeah I mean it. I love you and I have missed you so much. I need you Ashley and I want to be us again."

I crushed my lips against hers, feeling deliriously happy. I pulled back and kissed her on both cheeks, her eye lids and her nose before I whispered to her, "I love you too and God do I need you. So are you my girl?"

"Always," she whispered simply. I pulled her back into my arms and kissed her with all the love I had. I wanted there to be no doubt in her mind that I loved her and was committed to her. I don't know what deity smiled down on me and brought my girl back into my arms but I will forever be in debt to them.

We sat down on a couch and kissed for a long time before just holding each other. I never thought I could feel so blissfully happy. I had Spencer back, that day would go down as one of the best in my life. I lovingly stroked her hair as she snuggled against me. "Baby can I take you somewhere?" I asked in a raspy voice, making out for ages will do that to you.

"Sure, anywhere you are I want to be," She replied with the sweetest of smiles. I think I fell even more in love with her in that moment. I held her hand in mine and we left the club through the back entrance to avoid the crowd. I paused when I felt my phone vibrating. I quickly read the incoming text message before laughing and giving the phone to Spencer so she could read the text message. She shook her head and laughed. The text said,

-bout damn time u 2. Glad u finally figured out what we all knew, that ur meant to be. Have a grt night. We luv u – Ky, aid and glen

"They're right you know," Spencer whispered as she wrapped her arms around my waist.

"What do mean?"

"That we're meant to be." I turned in her arms and kissed her adoringly. I will never get tired of kissing Spencer Carlin.

"We certainly are, now lets get out of here." I walked her to my car and opened the passenger side door for her. Hopping in the driver's side I started driving towards a place that held a special meaning to both of us. I held Spencer's hand in mine the whole way.

I parked the Porsche in a space at the beach and we got out. Both of us abandoned our high-heels in the car and walked barefoot, hand in hand, to our spot under the pier. It was the spot where we had sat and talked the day Spencer had told me she liked girls.

I spread out the blanked I'd grabbed from the backseat of my car and we sat down, me leaning back against the wood of the pier and Spencer in between my legs, leaning back against me. I circled her waist with my arms and she placed her hands over mine. We snuggled together, just enjoying the thrill of being in each others arms, it was magic.

"Ash?"

"Yeah Baby?"

"Even before you sang that song to me, actually just after we danced together I realised that I'd forgiven you. You walked away to go back stage and I already missed you. I don't even know when exactly I got past everything Ash, I just realised that it was ok and I know that I want to make this work between us. No more messing around, I don't want us to mess this up again, this is it, this is real," she turned so that she could look up into my face.

"Yeah, I don't want to go messing this up, you're right this is real and it's all I've ever wanted. I don't want to screw this up again, ever. I just want you. Nothing matters without you. Life without you is life half lived. I want to live completely, a 100% crazy life of adventure, love, passion and all those other wonderful things that give this all meaning and I want it all with you." I kissed her on her full lips before cuddling her closer to me. "So where do we go from here?" I asked tentatively.

"Well we take things slowly. We talk, we be honest and open with each other, we spend time together and see where this road takes us. We have forever together, but for the moment I just want to snuggle up in the arms of the beautiful woman I love with all my heart and enjoy the here and now." I kissed the top of her head and held her to me.

"Sounds perfect to me," I murmured against her silky hair.

We sat like that all night. Talking, cuddling and well making out like horny high school kids from time to time. I held her in my arms as the sun came up, bathing the world in gold. The sky became a mass of purples, pinks, blues and golds, an array of colour just for us. I watched the sun shine off her golden hair and tilted her face so I could see into her cerulean eyes. "I love you Spencer Carlin, thank you for giving me another chance and I promise I will spend my life trying to make you as happy as you make me," I murmured.

She smiled up at me and said softly, "There was never any doubt in my mind that I'd give you another chance Ash, I love you and I couldn't comprehend a future without you in it. All I needed was time, we both did. Everything that happened, all the pain and hurt, it all led us here. Maybe we had to lose each other before we realised just how much we really needed each other."

"Maybe. I'm just glad we got here. But I think I should get you some breakfast hmm?" Right on cue her stomach grumbled loudly and we both laughed as Spencer blushed a pretty spectacular shade of red, she is so cute when she blushes. "Ok the stomach has spoken, breakfast it is."

We walked back to the car hand in hand and sat and watched the tide for a moment. Once Spencer's stomach rumbled again we headed off to the best place on earth to have breakfast, casa del Carlin. As we pulled up Mr. C came out to get his paper, just like he had the morning I came to pick Spencer up when she was coming to move into the loft.

We walked up the path towards him hand in hand and he smiled warmly at us, "Well if it isn't my favourite girls. Rumour has it that you two finally got your act together and are a couple again."

We beamed at him and Spencer rolled her eyes, "Let me guess, this rumour came from Glen?"

"I can't reveal my sources," Mr. C said with a twinkle in his eye, "actually the gangs all here if you lovely ladies would like to join us for one of my Sunday morning breakfast extravaganzas."

"Just lead the way Mr. C," I joked. We followed the Carlin patriarch into the house and were met by a very emotional Mrs. C.

"Oh it's true?! That's so wonderful, come here both of you!" before we could move Mrs. C had us both bound in an extremely oxygen-restricting hug. "I am so happy you found your way back to each other!" I almost can't believe the 180 this woman turned. I remember when she first found out Spencer was gay and to be frank I still have nightmares about it from time to time. I much prefer this version of Paula Carlin.

After we extricated ourselves from Mrs. C's octopus-like hug we entered the dinning room and faced the interrogation squad, by which I mean Glen, Kyla and Aiden.

"So what happened to you two last night? Hmm? After the whole public make out? Are you finally gonna stop all the crap and be together? Oh wait did you to have sex last night?" Glen asked, earning a punch in the arm from Spencer and a glare from Mrs. C.

I took Spencer's hand in mine and kissed her knuckles, she turned to me with a broad grin, earning an 'aw' from everyone but Glen who pretended to gag, earning him another punch from my girl, wouldn't want to be Glen Spencer has a mean right hook.

"Well I guess it's pretty obvious, but we're together again. I love Ashley and I get the impression she kinda likes me," Spencer paused to grin lovingly at me, "the past is just that, past and now we'll move on. Thank you guys for supporting us both while we sorted ourselves out. I really love you all, even you Glen," Spencer gave her brother a cheeky smile and wrapped her arm around my shoulder.

"Well this calls for a celebration, everyone have a seat and I'll get this breakfast feast on the table!" Mr. C said with a huge grin. I took a seat next to Spencer then almost passed out at the sight of all the food Mr. C had prepared for us. There were three different types of pancakes (butter, chocolate chip and strawberry), fresh fruit, scrambled eggs, toast, bacon, sausage and hash browns. Glen beat us all to it and started piling his plate high with food. Some things never change, but there is definite comfort in that. We were soon all digging in to second and third helpings of everything, I really wonder how Paula, Spencer and Glen are not hugely fat living off the delicious culinary creations of Mr. C.

After breakfast a rather tired Spencer dragged me upstairs to her room where she pulled me into bed with her and we soon fell asleep, wrapped in each other's arms content and at peace.

**Hope you enjoyed this chapter, please let me know what you think. Also if you have any idea where you'd like this to go please let me know!**

**Love to all who review!**

**The songs used in this chapter were:**

**Facing Who I Am – Written by yours truly (sorry if it sucks!)**

**I Promise you – Judith Owen**


	11. Chapter 11

**Well firstly thanks to everyone who has been reading this story (especially those who review!), it has been really enjoyable to write. There are a few chapters to go yet and I hope you like this latest instalment.**

**imhooked5 - so glad you like this story! It is always awesome to get a new reader**

**DontMindBnCrazy - always love getting your reviews! Thanks I was nervous about the song, it came from a poem I wrote but I wasn't sure it worked for the story.**

**snrclass08 - thanks, it means so much to get such positive reviews!**

**2bz2breading - Glad you liked chapter 10. I have planned where I want this story to go, a few chapters in it yet. I assure you though I will not be breaking Spashley up again in this fic.**

**LoveAsh87 - Thanks so much! You are a gem! I hope you like this chapter**

**hugbuddy13 - you are seriously so kind! I love writing and if other people actually like reading what I have to say then it is beyond great! Thank you!!**

**Enjoy chapter 11 my lovelies!**

**You Have To Go There To Come Back**

**Chapter 11**

Spencer's POV

It had been a wonderful and amazing couple of weeks. I was officially back together with Ashley and I can't remember ever being happier.

Since the night of the launch of Arona's single, me and Ash had become closer than we were before. We had spent all our free time together and spoke on the phone for hours every night. I was still living at Mom and Dad's, as much as I love her it was still a tad too soon for us to jump into living together again. I wanted this to work so I wasn't going to rush into anything. I wanted this to be a forever kinda deal.

In fact we hadn't progressed beyond heavy make out sessions as yet either. It wasn't like I didn't want to, my God did I want to, but it just never seemed like the right moment. I guess I just wanted our first time since we got back together to be special. Ashley was being so patient with me and it just made me want her even more. Not to mention that fact that my girlfriend is seriously hot, have I mentioned that? She is so gorgeous and sexy that I sometimes have to sit on my hands just to keep myself under control.

It didn't really matter though, we had reached a new level of intimacy since getting back together and that was without actually being, well, intimate. I loved her with an intensity that continued to surprise me and I knew she felt the same. The connection between us was undeniable and grew stronger with every passing day.

The day had finally come, the screening of my documentary at the L.A. Short Documentary Film Festival. They were pretty prestigious awards and it was an honour to even be allowed to enter. I was officially the youngest entrant and easily the most inexperienced. I was proud of my work though, it was close to my heart and I was so glad I had been able to tell the story of what it was like to be a young gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender person beginning their college career. It had been sad how many of the people I interviewed were still having negative experiences, but also heart warming to hear the stories of people who were having positive experiences.

The screening was going to take place at the UCLA film school screening hall so at least it was on familiar territory. I was nervous, extremely nervous. It was the kind of nervous that made you almost certain that you had swallowed a bucket load of bugs that were all squirming around in your gut. I just wanted the night to go well. I had no expectations that I would actually win anything, I just wanted people to like my work and for it to maybe make them stop think a bit. It's not like I expected my film to change the world, but maybe it could make a few people consider the issue.

I was just finishing getting dressed when I heard a knock on my bedroom door. I knew that particular knock so well. I smiled to myself and called over my shoulder, "Come in Ashley."

My girl walked in and stopped in her tracks, staring open mouthed at me. Her expression was one of pure, unadulterated want. Well I knew I looked good, but who knew I looked _that _good! I was wearing a fitted black, pin-stipe pant suit. The tailored trousers were moulded to my legs before flowing over my feet which were sporting black high heels. I was wearing the tailored jacket with one button done up and a burgundy silk shirt underneath, buttoned up just enough that is showed a flash of black lace bra when I moved. I had my hair in a loose bun at the base of my neck and a hat that looked like it belonged in a gangster movie perched on my head. It wasn't my usual look but I felt like trying something new and judging by the look on my girls face, it was totally paying off!

"My God Spencer, you look so…wow!" Ashley said in a breathy voice.

"Ah appropriate response Miss Davies. You don't look so bad yourself, actually you look amazing!" And she did. Ash was wearing a tight white dress that hugged her curves perfectly. The halter-neck of the dress left her back bare and gave me a perfect view of her kissable shoulders, while the skirt came to mid-thigh giving me a far too good view of her flawless legs, which I really wanted to have wrapped around me. The outfit was paired with a pair of white, high-heels. Her long hair was swept up behind her head and a few curls fell loose, framing her face. She was wearing long silver earrings and a matching necklace and my God I wanted her there and then.

I started to make my way over to her and things probably would have gotten out of control had my Dad not stuck his head in to see if we were ready to go. After smiling sheepishly at each other we followed my parents and Glen out of the house and headed off to the film festival.

Once we arrived I showed my girl and the family to their seats and greeted Lily who was already there, before I went to take my seat with the other film-makers, most of which were old enough to be my parents and one of which was old enough to be my parents' parent. It was all pretty intimidating. There were ten documentaries that had been selected by the judges to be screened and mine was the sixth to be shown, a massive honour let me tell you. Each documentary was twenty minutes in length so the whole screening would run for about three and a half hours, yeah a bloody long time, and then the awards had to be handed out.

The first few documentaries were incredible, the fourth kind of hard to understand then number five was brilliant. When it came to my turn I was so nervous I kinda wanted to hurl. Instead of watching my film I watched the audience and was floored to see so many people reacting so well to it. I even saw a few people wiping away tears. My movie seemed to really touch people and that was amazing to me. Once it ended the credits began to roll, starting with a dedication to Ashley. I felt her eyes on me and turned to see her eyes spilling over with tears. I gave her a huge smile and blew her a kiss, which I think the old guy next to her thought was for him, insert shudder here.

The last four documentaries were great. There were some incredible film-makers out there! I felt so honoured to even be in the same room with such talented people. After the screening we were given fifteen minutes to get up and get food or go to the bathroom. I, of course, went to find my girl.

"Hey gorgeous, so what did you think?" I asked coming up behind her.

Ashley spun around and pulled me into a warm hug, "Oh my God Baby, it was fantastic. I cried. The way you told their stories, made me feel like I was right there with them, it wasn't just their story you know, it was like it was the story of all kids who don't quite fit the mould. It felt like my story, our story. It was beautiful and moving and I am predicting you are going to be a film-making force to be reckoned with! I can't believe you dedicated it to me!"

I kissed her cheek and said, "Thanks Baby, and just for the record I dedicated it to you before that night at Radius, while we still weren't speaking. The film was always for you, it was our story, so there was no one else I was going to dedicate it to. You inspired me," Ashley snuggled into my arms again.

"I love you Spence, and I am so proud of you!" I kissed her gently and then had to get back to my seat.

The award presentations began soon after. The first award was for cinematography, followed by an award for music. The technical awards were soon over with me managing to score an award for editing (I was so shocked, I didn't expect to win anything, many thanks need to go to Lily for that one!).

Next the award for best documentary was to be announced. I clapped along with everyone else when the third film screened took out the prize it was truly an incredible film, although the acceptance speech dragged on a bit and made me start to feel more than a bit drowsy. They announced the placings after that and I was thrilled to find I'd placed third, a hell of an achievement for my first proper film! I was so buzzed by it that I wanted to run straight out and start filming my next project.

The emcee then returned to the microphone to announce the last award of the night. I was sitting in a glow of happiness over my third place when he began speaking.

"Ladies and Gentlemen it's time for the announcement of the winner of the final award of the night. This award is given in recognition of brilliance, but most importantly social consciousness. Each of the films shown tonight document parts of our world and in their own ways raise awareness of issues that face our society, but there is one film in particular that reached out and took us all on the journey of the experiences of a unique group of people in our society. It is my great pleasure to announce that the winner of the social conscious award is 'Love is Blind' a film by our youngest film-maker, Spencer Carlin!" My mouth fell open in shock. I barely noticed the thunderous applause as I rose from my seat and reached the stage. I took my award and shook hands with the emcee before being directed to the microphone to make a speech. Make a speech!!! I hadn't prepared for this! Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit!

"Um, gosh I'm not sure what to say. I never expected this, and I know all the celebs say that at award shows, but I am seriously in shock. I guess first and foremost I want to thank all the people who willingly shared their stories and opened up their lives to me for this film. It is a topic close to my own heart. I always thought that leaving high school would change everything for me, I'd go from being one of the only gay kids to being in a huge sea of open-mindedness and other people experiencing what I was. It doesn't really work like that. While we've come a long way, society still isn't always kind to the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender community.

I made this film to highlight the unique struggle that young people who are gay, bisexual or transgender go through. I want to say thank you to my family and friends who always support and encourage me. Thank you to Lily Zee who took a chance on a young, inexperienced film-maker and has taught me so much. I also want to say a special thank you to my beautiful girlfriend Ashley. Baby, this is love and I'm in it, not matter what anyone thinks. Thank you." I stepped down from the stage to a standing ovation.

I'd barely taken three steps from the stage when Ashley was in my arms, kissing me and telling me how much she loved me. I melted into her embrace, totally consumed by the spectacular brunette holding me. We made our way back to my seat, oblivious to the smiles we were getting from the assembled film-makers and guests. Ashley plunked herself down on my lap as we listened to the closing address by the emcee.

Once the awards were over we stayed briefly for the after party. It was surreal. All these really experienced and quite well know documentary makers were coming up to tell me how much they loved my work. I was so overwhelmed. It was a total dream come true, especially the part where Ashley was on my arm grinning at me proudly. That was absolutely the greatest part.

After many hugs and congratulations from my parents, Glen and Lily they headed off leaving me with my girl. We didn't stay much longer at the party. I networked a little bit and then we headed out. It had been a long night and I so wanted to spend some quality time with my beautiful girl.

"So pretty girl, why don't we head back to the loft? I think I want you all to myself," I murmured as I leaned against Ashley.

"Your wish, Miss Carlin, is my command. Let's get out of here," Ashley practically dragged me from the building in her haste to leave and I couldn't help but laugh at her eagerness all the way to the car.

The drive to the loft was spent holding hands and listening to a CD of the artists signed to Ashley's label, there were now four bands, three solo artists and a duet. All was sublimely good, if the CD we were listening to was anything to go by. It was amazing to me, Ashley was totally making a go of it and succeeding with the label but still always made time for me. It wasn't like last time, this time around I _knew_ I came first and fuck that felt good.

We arrived at the loft and walked in the front door arm in arm. Everything was just about perfect.

Ashley's POV

I was so proud of Spencer, that film she'd made was brilliant and she so deserved the recognition she'd gotten, she was supremely talented. The speech she'd made when receiving her award for social conscious made me cry, it was so moving and beautiful. I felt myself falling deeper in love with her yet again.

I couldn't stop thinking about her words, 'Baby, this is love and I'm in it, not matter what anyone thinks.' They warmed my heart and made me want to hold her in my arms and never let her go. We had struggled through so much, even before the shit with my job. I guess that's part of the deal when you're gay. You get all the regular struggles, ups and downs of falling in love coupled with the fact that parts of society hate you simply because of who you love. I guess being gay can mean having to face a whole heap of ugly being throw at you from the ignorant masses. I think that's why Spencer's film mattered so much.

We arrived at the loft after leaving the film festival after party. We walked in arm in arm and I quickly swept her over to the sofa. I sat my girl down before disappearing into the kitchen to retrieve the champagne I had waiting on ice and the platter of fresh fruit with whipped cream and chocolate to dip it in. On my way back to the sofa, and my girl, I used my elbow to hit play on the CD player, which I had set up with a CD I'd made of all the songs that made me think of Spencer.

She gazed at me lovingly as I placed the fruit and champagne in front of her. I took a seat beside her and pulled her legs to rest over my lap. I wrapped an arm around her shoulders while my other hand found hers and clutched it on her lap. I brought my lips to hers in a soft, almost teasing kiss. "I love you," I whispered, our lips still touching.

She smiled against my lips and whispered, "Yeah? How bout you show me how much?" I grinned and kissed her again, quickly deepening the kiss, I took her hat off and started to gently push her back against the sofa cushions so I could lean down over her. I braced myself on my arms, keeping the contact frustratingly light, which Spencer made clear by groaning loudly in frustration. I chuckled before moving to sit under her legs again. I ignored the look of disbelief on Spencer's face and poured us each a glass of champagne.

I handed her the glass and raised mine in toast, "To you my brilliant, sexy and talented girl. I am so proud of you. To you Spencer Carlin."

"To _us,_" Spencer corrected as she touched her glass to mine. We both sipped the delicious champagne before she turned to me and dazzled me with her blinding smile and adorable head tilt. I beamed at her, God I love her so much.

I picked up a strawberry and dipped it in chocolate and then cream before delicately feeding it to my girl. I have to admit watching her close her lips around that damn lucky piece of fruit, I really wanted her lips on me, all of me. I was fine with waiting before we slept together again, but I couldn't deny that I wanted her desperately.

We spent the next little while laughing and feeding each other while sipping on the expensive champagne. I had just wiped a drop of whipped cream off her nose, giggling loudly, when Spencer suddenly became serious. And I mean deadly serious. Her eyes locked on mine, the deep blue becoming as dark as the ocean at night, as her hand reached out to cup my cheek in her palm. I gulp a little, not gonna lie. The situation was no longer funny, it was real.

Spencer slowly leant forward and placed her lips against mine where they began to dance with mine, slow at first, gentle, before moving more quickly and with a deeper intensity. Her hand made its way round to the nape of my neck and she pulled me closer against her. This time she lowered herself to the sofa and pulled me down over her. I didn't hesitate, I lowered my body over hers delighting in the feeling of having her beneath me.

Spencer stroked my bottom lip with her tongue, making me immediately open my lips to grant her entrance. We both moaned as our tongues came into contact. We had kissed before, well ok so we had kissed _a lot_ before, but this was different. It was a promise, a promise of more, of a future. It was the moment when I stopped holding back.

I had been secretly scared. Scared that I wouldn't be enough or wouldn't be deserving of the beautiful woman who lay in my arms. So I held back. I told myself it was just me not wanting to push her or force her into anything she wasn't ready for. But really I was the one who wasn't ready. I held part of myself back, scared that it would all fall apart again and I knew I could never survive losing Spencer Carlin again, especially after all we had been through to get to where we were. I just couldn't. But in that moment I realised that love and life are a risk. If you don't go all in you can't win big.

So I went all in.

I kissed her with all the love and passion that were buried deep in me. I held her to me like she was the most precious thing in my world, which she is. Spencer eagerly responded to me, her hands moving down my back to clutch at my hips, bringing them as close to hers as they could get. I grinned against her mouth and bit down on her lower lip, before soothing it with my tongue. I moved my lips down along her jaw to her throat. Spencer tilted her head to give me better access and I willingly took advantage of that.

I kissed down to her collar bone before sitting up and pulling her with me. I looked deeply into her eyes as I slowly slid her jacket down over her shoulders and along her arms. I waited for her to pull away or to stop me but she never did. Her eyes held mine and her mouth formed a small, but intense smile of love and longing.

I kissed her again, harder this time, while I started to work on the buttons on her shirt. I had to fight the urge to rip the shirt open, damn small buttons! Finally I got the shirt open and I lowered my lips to her collar bone again and began to move my lips down. I placed hot kisses along her chest and over her cleavage. God I had wanted this for so long!

I kissed my way back to her lips and allowed my hands to run up her sides to arrive at her breasts. Spencer groaned into my mouth as I began to knead her breast through her bra. She moved her lips from mine and to my ear before whispering breathlessly, "bedroom, now."

I grinned down at her before pulling her up from the sofa and leading her into the bedroom. Once inside the room I turned to face her, holding her waist in my hands. Staring into her gorgeous eyes all I saw was my future. Her words repeated themselves in my head so I whispered them allowed, "Baby its love and I'm in it." Spencer smiled at me before bringing her lips to mine in a kiss of infinite tenderness.

I walked blindly, backwards towards the bed pulling Spencer with me. Thank God I know my room well because I felt my legs hit the bed without me falling on my ass and ruining the mood. Once I felt the bed. I spun us around and pushed Spencer back onto the covers. I crawled up the bed so I was lying next to her, propped up on my side so I could look down on the vision that was my girlfriend.

Using my index finger I traced her cheek and jaw line before leaning down to kiss her irresistible lips. She pulled me down on top of her and moved her hands to the bare skin of my back. I felt her hands move against me and before I knew it she had lowered the zip on my dress and undone the halter neck as well. Using her hands she worked the dress down over my body until I could kick off into some obscure corner of my bedroom.

That was when I decided that Spencer was far too overdressed for my liking. I ran my hands over her body, causing her to arch her back and moan. I reached the waist band of her pants and gently eased down the zip before popping open the button. I slid her pants down her long, perfect legs, kissing as much exposed skin as I possibly could. I loved the way she writhed beneath me. Once her pants had joined my dress in one of the far corners of my room I kissed my way back up her body. Our lips met and the intensity stepped up a notch.

I lost myself in her, the feeling of her body under mine, the taste of her mouth, her skin, all of it was consuming me. I slid her bra straps down off her shoulders so I could taste the skin there. I traced a pattern over her left shoulder with my tongue, loving the whimpers that came from my girl's throat.

I felt her hands seek my bra strap, quickly and easily undoing it (the first time we made love I had to take it off for her, much to her embarrassment). Her hands found my bare breast and kneaded them, causing my body to involuntarily arch into hers. She flipped us over so that she was resting above me. She smiled down at me, her smile was sweet and adoring. She dropped tender kisses all over my face, my neck, my chest and finally my breasts.

I felt like I was losing my mind, and you know what I so didn't care! This was an absolutely transcendent experience. For a while there I never thought I'd get to hold my girl again and now here we were, it was absolutely perfect.

Spencer's POV

I lay kisses over as much of her body as I possibly could. It felt like it had been forever since I'd touched her satiny skin. I felt more connected to her in that moment than I had ever before. I thought I would be scared to be with her again, you know cautious. But all I felt was a happiness more powerful than any I had ever experienced. I had no voice in my head telling me to be careful, to not be vulnerable to more hurt. The only voice was one telling me that this moment was perfection and that all I'd ever want or need in the world was there in that bed with me.

I kissed her gently, wanting to show her just how much I loved and trusted her. She was my everything and I felt no fear in giving myself to her completely.

She flipped me over and pinned me down on my back. She trailed her fingers through my long blond hair, gently freeing it from the loose bun before kissing my lips with hungry desperation. I grasped at her back, pulling her as close to me as possible. Both out bodies were bathed in a sheen of perspiration and I revelled in the feeling of our sweat slicked bodies moving against each other. The friction between us was building up to an almost alarming intensity. We shed our last remaining items of clothing, both breathing hard.

I needed her to touch me. Which she did, I always knew she could read me. Her hand made its way to my centre where she cupped me gently before entering me with so much tenderness. I kissed her hard while seeking her centre with my own hand. I found her more than ready, in fact I don't think I have ever felt her so aroused. I entered her and between the two of us we built up a steady rhythm building towards ecstasy.

The moment was emotional and intense. I felt tears streaming from my eyes and mingling with the sweat on our faces. It was the perfect balance of giving and receiving pleasure and I never wanted to stop touching her. Making love like this had always been intense, the concentration needed to continue another's pleasure without getting lost in your own was a lot to deal with. But this time there was a whole other level of intimacy and intensity. I felt her fill me and I had never felt closer (emotionally speaking and well ok, ok physically as well) to my girl.

Our motions sped up as we raced together towards the edge. I heard her gasping in my ear, breathing my name again and again. I silenced her with my lips. The kiss was all it took for me to climax, causing me to scream incoherently into her mouth and bite down on her lip (thankfully not too hard), which set off her climax too. She cried out and clung to me. I continued the movement of my fingers inside of her, causing her to spill over the edge for the second time.

I slowly withdrew my fingers, but stopped her when she went to withdraw hers. I still needed her in me, with me for a moment. She smiled at me and tenderly kissed my lips. We both panted, our chests rising and falling against each other as we fought to come down from our high. After a few minutes I moved away slightly, a sign she recognised straight away and removed her fingers from where they were buried deep within me. She brought her fingers to her mouth and delicately licked them clean. Making me groan and close my eyes. I opened them to find Ashley leaning down over me, a huge nose-crinkling smile on her beautiful face.

"Hey," I whispered breathlessly.

"Hey to you too," She whispered back, her voice raspy and oh so sexy.

"That was…wow," I gasped.

Ashley giggled and kissed my cheek, "Yeah it was. I love you Baby."

"I love you too Ash." She lay down beside me and pulled me into her arms. I willingly snuggled into her embrace, laying my cheek against her chest and my arm across her stomach. My God I felt so loved and safe.

Ashley kissed my forehead and we both drifted off to sleep, safe and loved in each others arms.

----------------

I woke up in a warm embrace and immediately smiled. It wasn't like the last time I woke up in her arms. This time there was no voice telling me to run, there was only peace. I was completely at peace. I felt so loved and safe in her arms and I never wanted to leave the safe haven I was in.

I moved my head so that I could look up into her beautiful face. She looked so relaxed, a soft smile gracing her lips and there was no way I would wake her up. I kissed her gently on the cheek before settling my cheek against her chest. In her sleep she tightened her arms around me, as if she was scared I'd get away. I wasn't going anywhere.

I let her sleep. We had woken up about 4am to make love all over again so I figured she was pretty tired. It had been the most incredible night. I lay in her arms, content and happy only to have the calm shattered by my cell phone.

Ashley sat straight up in bed, almost tipping me off onto the floor, looking around in confusion, "what's that?" She slurred in a voice still husky from sleep. She looked so completely adorable I had to laugh and kiss her pouting lips before I held up my still ringing phone and answered it.

"Hi Mom." Ashley's look of confusion became on of mischief as she began kissing the side of my neck. I bit down on my lip to stop myself from groaning.

"Yeah sorry Mom I stayed at Ashley's," I held the phone away from my ear as my Mom squealed happily, who knew a parent could be so happy that their child was out all night having sex. Speaking of…I swatted Ashley's hand away as it crept under the sheet and across my stomach. She smirked and continued her exploration of my body, while I tried in vain to fend her off.

"Yeah ok Mom, next time I'll make sure I let you know…yeah ok we'll see you later…bye Mom." I hung up the phone and scowled at my girl. "Do you have any idea how hard it is to talk to my _mother_ while you touch me like that?"

Ashley grinned at me smugly, "Yeah Baby I know exactly how hard it is, so now that you're off the phone where were we." I giggled as she laid me back against the pillows and lay that gorgeous body of hers over mine. God I love Sunday mornings in bed, especially when I'm with one very hot, adorable and oh so loveable Ashley Davies!

**Well there's chapter 11 all done, hope you enjoyed it!**

**I appreciate any and all comments/reviews/feedback. Much love to all my loyal readers!**

**Chapter 12 will be up soon!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Many thanks for the lovely reviews for chapter 11!**

**LoveAsh87 – Thanks for all the incredibles lol**

**hugbuddy13, DontMindBnCrazy & Gamil – Thank you for your kind words and encouragement. I am so glad you liked chapter 11!**

**2bz2breading – Yeah I felt the need for a bit of happiness after all the drama I put them (and everyone who has been reading) through. **

**mutt009 – Thanks for you review and kind words. It means a lot to hear that this story has been inspiring and given you hope!**

**prissy020304 – Thanks so much! I really didn't want to go the typical route and have either Ash or Spencer find solace in alcohol and another girl. I think in this story their love is so strong that doing that wouldn't have been fitting. **

Hope you guys enjoy chapter 12! So sorry for the delay in getting it posted.

**You Have To Go There To Come Back**

**Chapter 12**

Ashley's POV

I was in heaven, totally walking around on a cloud, cheesy as that sounds. Everything was practically perfect. I had the most beautiful and wonderful woman, I had a great record label which was actually starting to become a success. People were recognising my name as more than Kyla's Wood's sister or Raife Davies daughter. I was making it in my own right. I was a damn lucky bitch.

Although I think I was starting to annoy people with my constant cheeriness. Yeah so I guess bursting into spontaneous love songs at odd times (like staff meetings or in line at the grocery store) could get kind of annoying, but everyone can just shut up, if they had a Spencer they'd be deliriously happy too!

The label was going great guns, we had signed quite a few artists and were really getting some notice. Arona's single, 'Facing Who I am' had made it into the top ten and was a huge hit in the alternative scene, while their second single was getting heaps of radio coverage. We were in the process of planning a tour for them while at the same time getting several other artists and band's work ready to launch. I was in the studio a fair bit, but it was ok because Spencer had decided that my office was a great place for her to study or work on her own projects on her laptop.

We had managed to find a balance. We were both leading full lives but that didn't effect _us_. Spencer had college, her work at MTV and a new documentary she was working on, while I had the label. Through it all though we kept sight of the fact that the most important thing was each other. We supported each other's work and passions but didn't let them come between us. Maybe we were finally in an adult relationship, I know, took us long enough.

I was in the studio with a new artist, Josh Fielding, recording a few songs for his debut album. I'd met Josh when I went with Spencer to an on campus bar called UCLB. He was playing a set and had the whole room full of drunken co-eds enthralled. I was certain he could be great, and so far my instincts were proving right. His voice was husky and his skill on the piano far out stripped mine and I think I'm pretty damn good!

He had a class with Spencer so he had also become a firm friend. He was actually the subject of her latest project. She was following his journey from his beginnings at college bars to wherever the label could take him. The documentary would actually be great for us while we promoted him. I'll admit though I was pretty jealous of him and all the time Spencer was spending with him…until I met his Abercrombie-model looking boyfriend Harrison.

I looked over at Spencer, who sat cross legged on a chair with her camera trained on Josh while he recorded a song I'd written for him. She occasionally swept the camera over to catch me and Grey as we checked the levels and all that technical jazz. I was so aware of her it was hard to act natural when the camera pointed to me, which she would tease me about later.

After Josh had finished recording I told him and Grey to head off, it had been a long day and they had worked hard, plus I was taking my Baby out for dinner. It was officially three months since we had gotten back together and I wanted to celebrate. I had a pretty special night planned, nothing too elaborate because I know my girl and I know if given the choice she's always pick a simple night between the two of us.

I went into the recording booth and started tidying up the sheets of music. I glanced back through the glass and see Spencer watching me with a soft smile on her face. I smiled back at her, my-nose crinkling in the way it always seems to. I am so in love with that woman. I picked up the last sheet of music and wandered back into the room. Spencer was still sitting in the chair so I walked over and straddled her lap.

"Hey gorgeous, you wanna get out of here?" I asked, moving my lips to lie against hers.

"Yeah let's head out. Are you going to tell me what we're doing?"

I chuckled and shook my head, "Spence you know me better than that, of course I'm not. You really need to learn the definition of surprise my lovely," I teased.

She pouted in the most adorable way making me chuckle again before I kissed her sweetly on her full lips. She kissed me back and I had to really convince myself to pull away from her so I could get our night underway. She laughed, as if she knew exactly what I was thinking, which she probably did, and slid her hand into mine as we walked out of the building. I led her to my car and opened the passenger side door for her before jogging round to jump in the driver's side. I kissed her cheek softly before starting the car and driving off to our first destination.

I will admit I'd had a little help setting up for tonight, I just wanted to show her that she was my everything. I wanted her to know just how much I loved her. I parked in the deserted car park at the beach and we stepped out of the car. I wrapped my arm snugly around her waist and felt her arm circle my shoulders. We kicked off our shoes and walked down to our spot under the pier.

I had gotten Aiden to come down earlier to set up the scene that was now making Spencer stand with her mouth open and her eyes wide. Under the pier there was a blanket with a picnic basket and an ice bucket with a bottle of wine. There were tall torches lit in a circle around the blanket and white fairy lights hung from the pier. A portable CD player was playing soft romantic music that echoed across the empty shore. Aiden had even rigged curtains that hung from the pier that gave us some privacy, I really must remember to thank that boy!

Spencer had been silent for a while so I turned to her, feeling a little apprehensive, "is it ok Baby?"

Spencer turned to face me, her big blue eyes shining with unshed tears, "Honey it's perfect, I can't believe you did all this for me."

I smiled and pulled her close, "Well technically I made Aiden do all this for you." Spencer laughed, a beautifully soft musical sound that I felt flow over me. "I just wanted to do something special to show you how happy you make me. When I lost you I truly thought I'd never get to hold you again and it nearly destroyed me. I love you and I wanted to show you that you are my priority, you are my everything."

Spencer leaned in and caught my lips in a fiercely passionate kiss. I felt like I was drowning in her, and I really didn't mind. Her hands made their way up to tangle in my curls, while I cupped her face in my hands. We kissed deeply until we both needed to breathe.

I led her to the blanket and we sat down. I loved the way the flames from the torches flickered across her face, she really looked like an angel. I took her hand in mine, brining it to my lips so I could gently kiss each of her knuckles. She smiled at me, her eyes bright in the fire light.

"Thank you. I love you Ashley Davies, so much. I am completely and permanently in love with you and that will never change. If our love is strong enough to weather what we've been through then it is strong enough to last. You are my first and forever love Ash and I am so glad we found our way here." A lone tear trickled down her cheek, which I tenderly wiped away with my thumb while I cradled her face in my hand.

I kissed her, softly at first but then more passionately as she moved closer to me. I felt her body pressed against mine and moaned into her kiss, making her smile. She pulled back after a few minutes and looked at me with a smirk, "So beautiful, what's in the basket?"

I couldn't believe that she was thinking about food when all I wanted to eat was…well you get the picture. Spencer chuckled at my incredulous look and kissed me lovingly on the cheek, not quite what I wanted but hey I'll take it.

I pulled the basket over and started to extract the food from within. Spencer looked on with child-like delight as I pulled out an array of her favourite foods. We had four chocolate covered donuts (no way in hell would I let her eat them all, she'd be buzzed for hours!), her Dad's homemade pasta salad, fresh bread, cheese, crackers and a few dips, a fruit salad and a few of her Mom's homemade brownies (they were the only thing Mrs C. could actually cook without causing food poisoning). I opened the bottle of white wine I'd brought, it still amazed me how easy it was for me to buy alcohol I'm not actually sure I can remember when I last got asked for id? Ah well.

I handed Spencer her glass and she raised it, "To us my love." I echoed her words and we drank from our glasses. We laughed and joked while we ate, the food was perfect, if I do say so myself, but I did cave in and let my girl have three of the four donuts (what she pouted at me…anyone would have caved seeing that adorably sexy pout!). Spencer was on a bit of a sugar high, but it just made her cuter.

Spencer was standing watching the ocean while I changed the CD. I smiled to myself and walked up behind her, wrapping my arms securely around her waist. I felt her relax in my arms and kissed her softly on the side of her neck before resting my chin on her shoulder.

"You know, before we broke up Chelsea gave me some advice. She told me that by not striving for your dreams you become less of the person you are, less of the person your partner fell in love with. I think that's true. We broke up and then both worked hard to reach for our dreams and look at us now, together and more in love than ever. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I am proud of you and I kinda love you Davies," she murmured while watching the tide.

I tightened my grip on her waist and kissed her on the neck again, "I kinda love you too Carlin. And I agree with Chelsea. By not trying to be the best version of yourself you end up short changing not only yourself but the person who loves you as well. I know you considered not taking that job at MTV because of me, but I am so glad that you did. I love seeing you achieving your dream Spencer. I don't think we would be as strong of a couple this time around if we weren't both living such full lives."

Spencer turned around in my arms and pressed her forehead against mine. I felt her warm breath on my cheeks and I couldn't resist any longer, I kissed her lips, pulling her body as close to mine as was humanly possible. I turned us around and began walking her backwards towards the blanket, where I lay her gently down on her back. I lay beside her, propped up on my elbow, so I could look down over her.

I tucked some of her golden hair behind her ear as I caressed her face with my fingers. I felt her hand stroke the back of my neck as she pulled my lips to hers. I poured my heart, soul and love for her into that kiss, leaving us both breathless. I placed gentle kisses on her cheeks before lying down in her arms, my cheek resting over her heart. Her arms wrapped around me and I immediately felt content and at peace. She always had an amazingly calming effect on me, when she wasn't totally turning me on and making me crazy.

Spencer's POV

We lay in each others arms for a long time, not speaking just enjoying the feeling of being together. After a while Ashley got to her feet and helped me to stand. She started cleaning up from our dinner, but swatted me away when I tried to help. I giggled and watched her work. She left everything in a pile and gave me a shrug, "Aiden is picking all this up for me, I think Kyla beat him into it." I laughed and pulled her into my arms.

She held me close as I whispered, "So where to now?"

"Well…I was thinking we could make out in the backseat of my car?" I playfully punched her in the arm making her laugh, "Ok then how about plan b?"

"Plan b?" I asked raising an eyebrow, I will admit I was rather intrigued.

"Plan b," Ashley gave me a smirk and a wink, God she's even sexy when she's pretending to be all sleazy! I let her pull me by the hand back up the beach and to the car. She helped me in before jumping into the driver's seat and pulling out of the car park.

"So where is plan b?" I asked, knowing full well that Ashley would never tell me. That girl of mine loves surprises! Ashley just chuckled and turned on the radio. I smiled and relaxed back into my seat, whatever the surprise was I'm sure I would love it.

After about five minutes Ashley parked the car in front of a beautiful house overlooking the beach. The house was in darkness as we walked hand in hand up to the front door. Even in the dark I could tell this place was beautiful. It was a two-storey place with balconies over looking the ocean. The bottom floor had a deck all around it and French doors and huge windows making up most of the walls.

The front yard had a beautifully kept garden and the smell of roses and lavender was mixing with the smell of the ocean on the breeze. I smiled in confusion as I watched Ashley pull out a set of keys and unlock the front door. She just smirked at me before taking my hand and leading me into the darkened house.

We walked to the centre of the room and Ashley left me there to go and hit the lights. The lights came up and I turned around, taking in the beauty of the house. It was very open plan, especially without furniture, the whole place had a feeling of light and freedom. It felt peaceful here. I smiled at my girl as she circled my waist with her arms, "Why are we here Ash?"

Ashley grinned in a cheeky way and kissed me gently on the cheek. "I want to give you a tour." I grinned, confused, but let her drag me around the house. It was breathtakingly beautiful and I'll admit I was already very in love with it. The house was decorated in soft blues, greens and whites. It was the most relaxing house I had ever been inside of.

Ashley led me into the last room on the top floor, she opened the door and I found myself in what I assumed would be the master bed room. I felt all the air leave my lungs and tears of happiness fill my eyes. The French doors were open to the balcony, giving a stunning view of the ocean below. The room was filled with white candles floating in glass bowls. The floor was covered in white and red rose petals, except for the middle of the room. A mattress was set up there, cushions and soft blankets in reds and whites arranged oh so invitingly.

I felt Ashley's arms find their way around my stomach and I leaned back against her body. She put her lips on my ear and whispered, "Do you like the house baby?"

"What's not to like Ash, it's beautiful, perfect. So who is lucky enough to own this amazing place?" I murmured.

"Well baby, if you like, us."

"Huh? What? Can you please repeat that?" I asked confused, but secretly starting to get really excited.

Ashley let out a husky laugh and turned me around in her arms, "Like I said baby if you like this place then it's ours. I love you and I know that I want to wake up with you every morning and go to sleep in your arms every night. I'll repeat, if you like this place then it's ours."

I looked at her a felt the hugest smile cover my face. I bit my bottom lip and crushed our bodies against one another as I pulled her into a deep, passionate kiss. I kissed her until we were both breathless and gasping. Ashley laughed and murmured against my lips, "Should I take that as a yes then?"

"Yes, yes, yes! My God yes! I love you and I want to live with you and fuck do I want to live in this beautiful house!" I gushed, almost jumping up and down as happiness coursed through my body. Ashley grinned and pulled me to her again. We kissed more slowly this time, tenderness and love effortlessly expressed. I felt myself being lowered to the mattress in the middle of what would be our bedroom, Ashley's lips never leaving mine.

She laid me back on the mattress and lowered herself over me, leaving no space between our bodies. She rested her hands either side of my head and stared down into my eyes, her expression so full of love it made me melt (figuratively speaking of course). "You know I tell you I love you all the time and it just doesn't seem enough. I wish there were words enough to convey the depth of my feelings for you but they just don't exist. Spencer Carlin you are the best and most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me and I am so glad you want to live here…with me," Ashley said as tears started to trickle from her mocha eyes.

I reached up and gently wiped away her tears with my thumb, I was so choked up I couldn't get words to pass my lips. I beamed up at her and kissed her, hoping to convey the breadth of my feelings for her with that kiss. That kiss quickly turned into another, then another as we lost ourselves in the heaven we could only find together.

It was one of the most sensual nights of my life. Our caresses were slow, languid and tender. We took the time to complete consume each other and passed out from sheer, blissful exhaustion just as the sun was coming up over the ocean.

Ashley's POV

Finally it's moving day, me and my amazingly wonderful girl are moving into what is now to be know as the 'beach house of lurve' (yeah that's right lurve, not love…it sounds dirtier that way). I grinned over at my girl as she put the last plate in the cupboard and started on the glasses. I loved watching her when she was unaware. She was just so beautiful and natural and it made my heart race just to see her.

I must have been staring for a while because Mr. C came up behind me and said in a loud voice, "Might wanna wipe the drool Ash and help us unpack." I blushed like I have never blushed before, especially when everyone started to laugh at me (Spencer most of all). The whole gang had turned up to help us move into our house, although Glen and Kyla had spent most of the morning at the beach and were now watching the plasma. Hmm I think I may have to sic Spencer on them.

"Hey! I've been working, at least I didn't bum around on the beach and then laze around like some people I could mention," I said nodding my head towards our respective siblings as they zoned on the sofa.

Spencer grinned at me and squeezed my hand, "Well that's true," she turned to the freeloaders who were residing on our sofa and barked (hell yes I love an authoritative Spencer, unless it's directed at me…hell who am I kidding I love it when she's all bossy at me!), "Glen, Kyla, if you don't get your ass off my sofa and start helping I'm gonna go get Mom from upstairs and tell her you've been slacking off!"

Well the threat worked, I have never seen those two move faster. Aiden almost wet himself laughing, earning a punch from Kyla and the finger from Glen. Ah gotta love family! Who knew they were so scared of Paula? Well ok so yeah I am still pretty terrified of Mama Carlin, I mean we are total BFFs now but still the woman dragged me out of her house by my _hair_! You don't forget that one easily.

With all of us working together we got the house set up pretty quickly. Spencer had taken it upon herself to fill the house with photos of all of us, some of them were moving, some sad and some just plain hilarious! This place was totally our home. It was so different from the loft, everything here was ours, not just mine, and plus here we didn't have to share with Kyla. I didn't feel so bad leaving her seeing as Aiden moved in the day I left. Those two almost rivalled Spencer and Me in the cutest couple category…I said _almost_.

After the unpacking was done Mr. C fired up our brand-spankin new grill and we all sat down for a delicious feast. I was so full by the end of the meal I unashamedly undid my jeans, yeah I'm classy I know! Spencer caught me and just shook her head, her big blue eyes twinkling with laughter. I loved that I could make her eyes twinkle like that.

After dinner we had a slightly embarrassing moment where I stood up forgetting my jeans were undone and well…let's just say they fell down and I tripped…landing ass first into Paula's lap. Oh my God if there was ever a moment to die of embarrassment, that was it. Thank God Paula loves me now, because all she did was laugh instead of beating me to death which I'm sure would have happened in the past.

I blushed harder and faster than I ever had in my life and scrambled off her lap, desperately trying to pull my jeans up without further incident. I did fall over one more time, face first into Spencer's lap (and before you say it, _yes_ it was an accident!). I mumbled an apology and avoided eye contact with everyone as I got my jeans done up. Every single person in the room laughed until they had tears running down their face, and Kyla even had Coke come out of her nose, that was really attractive.

I dashed into the kitchen shouting out that I would go get desert. I buried my face in my hands wishing I could take back the last five minutes of my existence and keep my fucking jeans done up! I was in the kitchen berating myself when my girl wandered in, still laughing I might add. I fixed her with a mock glare and crossed my arms over my chest. This just made her laugh harder. "Shut up Spence, it is so not funny," I said fighting to keep a straight face.

Spencer, with great difficulty, stopped laughing and walked over to me pulling me into her arms. "Oh Baby don't be embarrassed, I still love you even though you gave my mother a lap dance!" With that Spencer started to laugh again, burying her face in my neck. I kissed the top of her head and couldn't help but laugh along with her. My baby has the most infection laugh I have ever heard.

Once we got our laughter under control Spencer dragged me (and I mean literally dragged me) back out to join our guests who had moved out to the deck over looking the beach. Everyone turned to look as we stepped out on to the deck, each trying to smother huge grins. "Hey Ash, if we promise not to bring up the 'incident' anymore tonight will you join us?" Arthur asked kindly. I flashed him a grateful smile and nodded taking a seat on a deck chair and pulling Spencer down to sit on my lap.

Spencer snuggled into my arms and laid her head back against my shoulder. I stroked her silky golden hair, feeling mesmerised by the simple act of having my girl in my arms. Before long Spencer dozed off, still snuggled in my arms. Our guests all smiled fondly and said quiet farewells as they left us to spend out first night officially living in our own home.

I gazed down at the angel in my arms and felt absolutely at peace. That moment with Spencer sleeping serenely in my arms on the deck of our home was perfection. I mean really can you tell me how life could get any better than this?

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**Chapter 12 is done, hope you liked it.**

**There are only a few chapters to go, four I think?**

**Please review, I love reading your thoughts on this story!**


	13. Chapter 13

**Thanks so very much for the brilliant reviews for chapter 12! You guys are seriously the best.**

**MrsMusgraveTNG – your review meant so much, thank you! I wanted to depict a real relationship, a love that thrives despite huge obstacles. Thanks again, you are truly awesome!!**

**DontMindBnCrazy – Why thank you! I so want a beach house too, just gotta find ****my**** Ashley lol.**

**LoveAsh87 – So glad you liked the chapter! I always saw Ashley as the romantic sort**

**mutt009 – Thanks a million! I listened to that song, sleep like a child by Joss Stone, and you're totally right it fits that final scene beautifully. I'm touched that the impending end of this fic saddens you. It amazes me that people actually like my writing enough to care. I really hope you enjoy the last bit.**

**hugbuddy13 – Yeah I though a house of their own would help them have a fresh start. Thanks so much for your review.**

**2bz2breading – Yeah a beach house isn't cheap but what else does Ash have to spend her money on besides her girl? Thank you so much for your kind review!**

**I overestimated when I said there'd be four more chapters and I'm so sorry about that. In my original plan for this story I had 15 chapters and then the epilogue, but I cut much of that away because it wasn't needed and took away from the story I was trying to tell. **

**I am sorry to say this is the last chapter, with the epilogue to follow shortly.**

**Here is Chapter 13, sorry for the delay!**

**You Have To Go There To Come Back**

**Chapter 13**

Ashley's POV

I stood in the door way, leaning against the frame and watched as she straightened the cap on her head. She added a few bobby pins to keep it from sliding from her silky golden hair. She had a small smile on her face, a smile that I'm sure was a mixture of accomplishment, pride and relief. Spencer ran her hands down over the black gown she was wearing and adjusted the sky blue, valedictorian sash that hung over her shoulders.

Four years of hard work, all night study sessions and endless hours in the UCLA library and my girl was graduating. Her final project, a film that followed a lesbian couple through the trials and tribulations of using IVF to conceive, had won three awards and was nominated for another four. I was so proud of her, she was truly an inspiration.

In her time at UCLA she had moved from working at MTV to working for an independent film company that did a lot of documentaries about the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender community. It wasn't has high paying but it was more in line with her passions. Her own docos had won several awards and the short independent film she'd written, directed and acted in had won a few awards at small film festivals. Kyla starred in that one and even scored some acting awards as well. Did I mention I was proud of her? Because damn my girl is something else!

Her eyes met mine in the mirror and her reflection beamed lovingly at me. I stepped up behind her and lay my hands on her shoulders, squeezing gently. "I am so proud of you baby. You have achieved so much and worked so hard, you also look so beautiful right now." Spencer lifted her hands up to cover mine, her eyes locked on mine in the mirror.

"Thank you so much. I never would have gotten through this whole college thing without you. You gave me so much support and I just wanted to tell you that I love you Ash," Spencer murmured. I kissed her softly on the cheek, careful not to leave a lipstick mark on her.

"C'mon graduate let's get you to the ceremony, you know if we're late your Mom will just assume we're having sex again!" I teased. Spencer just groaned, picked up her bag and followed me down the stairs. I snagged the camera on the way out and forced her to pose for a few shots on our deck overlooking the beach before I would let her get in the car.

The drive to the UCLA campus was short and filled with Spencer's excited yabbering. I just smiled and let her voice wash over me. She had achieved so much in the last few years, but still always made the time for me, for us. She was truly an incredible woman who I just fell more and more in love with every single day.

I parked the Porsche and we walked hand in hand to the lawn where they had a stage, bleachers and seats set up for the graduation ceremony that was about to take place. Almost as soon as we arrived a very tearful Mrs. C bolted up to us and pulled Spencer into a bone-crushing hug. It's no exaggeration to say that Mrs. C's hugs could almost put a pro-wrestler's choke holds to shame. The woman was impossible to understand as she clung to her daughter and sobbed out unintelligible words. I couldn't help but laugh, earning me a glare from the older Carlin woman.

As soon as Mrs. C let go of her daughter, Mr. C stepped up and swept Spencer into his arms. He lifted her off her feet and swung her around. Spencer giggled and squealed joyously. She is such a Daddy's girl. They shared a bond that no one could touch. Mrs. C put her arm around me as we looked fondly on at the love and affection between father and daughter.

We were standing around catching up when we were joined by Glen, Chelsea, Aiden and Kyla. Glen and Chelsea still had that newly wed glow about them, even after a year of marriage, they had gotten married exactly three months after Chelsea got back for good from art school in Paris. Kyla and Aiden were a month away from their big day. We were one big family now, officially. Spencer hugged Chelsea carefully, mindful of the baby bump. Yeah that's right Spencer was going to be an Aunty in about four months, I think she may be almost more excited than Chelsea and Glen.

Once the greetings and congratulations had been exchanged Spencer left us to go find her seat and join her fellow graduates, while we went off in search of our places up in the bleachers. I sat down next to Mrs. C who reached over and held my hand. We were both so excited and so very proud. I will admit most of the ceremony was boring as hell, I mean the old dude who did the commencement address was so old and decrepit I'm sure he keeled over as soon as his bit was done.

I will admit I may have dozed off a bit, but was instantly awake and alert the second the name, "Spencer Carlin," crossed the dean's lips. Both me and Paula snapped to attention and started taking photos like a couple of rabid paparazzi. I could hear Glen and Aiden laughing at us, but screw them. This was my Baby's big day and I was capturing as much of it as I possibly could. This would be a day we would always want to remember.

Spencer walked gracefully to the microphone to make her valedictorian speech. She had been working on this speech relentlessly for weeks, she so wanted to get it perfect. She had stressed herself to the point of tears and a minor hissy fit or two preparing for this. Spencer smiled out over the audience and I saw Paula elbow Mr. C who steadied the camcorder he was holding while double checking he had it recording. Spencer bit her lip, an adorable nervous habit of hers and cleared her throat before beginning.

"Dean, distinguished guests, friends and families and my fellow graduates. It is a huge honour to be standing up here in front of you all today. I am sure we are all experiencing the same emotions on this monumental occasion, well outside of my intense stage fright," Everyone laughed making Spencer grin wider before she continued, "I think today we are all feeling pride, accomplishment, sadness, relief and gratitude to all our loved ones who helped get us through. It has been a long journey to get here. A journey that was at times wonderful, terrifying, stressful and fulfilling. It has been a time of growth, of change and of discovery and it has been a privilege to share this journey together.

I wanted to share something personal with you all today. A few years ago life got in the way and me and my girlfriend broke up. During the time we were apart a very wise friend of mine gave me some advice. She told me that if you don't strive to be the best version of yourself you are not only short changing yourself but also the people who love you. During our time apart me and my girlfriend worked to become the best versions of ourselves and now," Spencer paused and her eyes locked on mine. In a place full of thousands of people she found me. I felt tears rolling down my face but made no move to brush them away. The love and pride I felt for this girl was overpowering me.

"Now we are together and more in love than ever. I want to thanks my girl for loving me and supporting me. Ashley I love you and I couldn't have done this without you. You are my reason, my inspiration and my partner in life.

I hope that you all take away a multitude of wonderful memories and life lessons away from your time here at UCLA, but if you take one thing away from today I hope it is the desire to always strive to be the best version of yourselves. Be proud of all you have accomplished and be grateful to everyone who helped you get here. Congratulations." Spencer beamed as everyone rose to their feet to give her a standing ovation. Both Paula and I cried as we clapped, both so proud of the woman on the stage.

Spencer stepped down and took her seat, giving me a wink as she passed by. I don't think it was physically possible for my grin to get wider. The rest of the ceremony went really quickly. When Spencer was called up to get her degree we all went nuts. Like psycho crazy nuts. Arthur put his fingers in his mouth and let out a lot of loud whistles. Glen actually stood on his seat and cheered while punching the air above him. Kyla grabbed my camera and snapped more photos than I thought was possible while screaming like a banshee. Chelsea clapped and yelled while doing a little dance on the spot, while Aiden cat called and wolf whistled. I really hate him sometimes and if he'd been sitting next to me I might have had to injure him in some way! Maybe render him sterile or something. Me and Paula just bawled like babies and clapped until our hands stung. As she walked off stage with her degree Spencer caught my eye and mouthed, 'I love you.' I beamed through my tears and mouthed back, 'love you too.'

As soon as the ceremony was over I was up out of my seat and running through the crowd to get to my girl. I'll admit I may have elbowed a granny out of my way, but if you had a girlfriend like Spencer you'd use any means necessary to get to her too. She must have had the same thought because the next thing I knew my angel was throwing herself into my waiting arms. I kissed her tenderly before murmuring into her ear, "I am so proud of you!"

"Thanks Baby, I know I already said it, and I said it to thousands of people, but I couldn't have done any of this without you my love. Ahhh it can't be normal to be this happy and this in love!" Spencer shrieked as she clung to me. I couldn't agree more.

"Yeah Baby, we are far from normal," I smirked at her and kissed her lovingly. We pulled apart just as the other's joined us. Spencer was swarmed in a mass of hugs and congratulations as Arthur kept filming and Kyla kept snapping photos. I just stood back and basked in the joy of seeing my girl so happy. She gave so much of herself to everyone around her so it was nice to see her reaping the rewards of her hard work.

We reconvened at Spencer's and my house where we quickly set Arthur up behind the grill and opened a bottle of champagne. I nearly keeled over from shock when Kyla opted for water. "Wait Ky, since when do you say no to the good stuff?" I teased with a smirk.

Kyla shared a tender smile with Aiden before announcing, "Well I guess since I found out that we're going to have a baby!"

I beamed and pulled my baby sister into my arms. Wow I was going to be an aunty! That was kinda cool. "That is so incredible you two! God I'm so happy for you."

"Why are we happy and for who?" Glen asked as he, Spencer and Chelsea joined me Kyla, Aiden, Paula and Arthur on the deck with platters of food.

Aiden wrapped an arm around Kyla and smiled sweetly down at her, "Well Kyla and I…well we're having a baby!"

Spencer squealed and threw her arms around the two of them. Damn my girl is so cute when she's excited. Once they were able to extract themselves from Spencer's octopus like grip, Aiden shook hands with Glen before being pulled into a hug and Chelsea and Kyla started rambling on about how their kids would grow up together.

I glanced to the side and saw my girl leaning against the railing around the deck looking in at the excited people. She had a strange smile on her lips, it was half joyous but also half wistful. I moved to her side and wrapped an arm around her shoulder. Spencer snuggled into my side and rested her head on my shoulder. "What are you thinking Baby?"

Spencer leaned more heavily against me and sighed, "Nothing really Babe, just feeling that everything is practically perfect. I am so happy for Aiden and Ky."

I had a feeling this wasn't the entire story but I know my girl, she'd tell me when she was ready. I kissed her softly on the head and lead her back to the group. I made sure everyone had a glass before proposing a toast, "Firstly here's to Spencer, congrats baby we are all so proud of you! Also congrats to Kyla and Aide and commiserations to the poor kid who has me for an aunty," everyone laughed, "But most importantly here's to family."

"To family," everyone echoed. Spencer locked her ocean eyes on mine as she spoke the words so softly she practically mouthed them. She had that strange smile on her face again and to be quite honest I was starting to get a little scared…ok so I was shitting myself. I was dying to know what was going on in that head of hers.

I watched as she went up to her Mom and whispered something in her ear. Paula beamed and pulled her daughter into a warm embrace. Paula planted a kiss on Spencer's cheek before she released her. Spencer gave her Mom a nervous smile and turned back to the group. I lost her in the crowd and got talking to Chelsea about the baby and the gallery she and Glen had opened.

After about five minutes I felt a familiar pair of arms circle my waist. I willingly leaned back against her warm body as Chelsea winked at me before walking off to join her husband. "Join me for a walk on the beach beautiful?" She whispered against my ear. I nodded and let her lead me by the hand down the steps at the side of our deck and out to the sand.

Spencer's POV

I held her hand in mine as we walked barefoot, hand in hand along the sand. The night was still and the only sound was the gentle crash of the waves as they hit the beach. The stars overhead seemed to twinkle just for us. It was just as I hoped it would be, just as I had imagined it. It was perfect. I stopped and turned to face her, holding her hand tightly in mine. She had the most beautiful smile on her lips as her eyes held mine in a gaze full of love and devotion.

"The beach has always been a special place for us hasn't it?" She nodded but stayed silent to let me continue, "It was at the beach where I first told you I was gay, where I first realised I was in love with you even though you were royally pissing me off, where we came the night we got back together and where you brought me the night you asked me to move in with you…again." I paused and tenderly wiped a tear from her cheek with my thumb.

"Even before all that the beach has always been special to me. I never told you this but after Clay died and you went to Europe I used to come down to the beach most nights. I would sit in the sand and watch the waves. It made me feel close to you no matter how great the distance between us. It is a place of peace for me, a place where I always feel safe. I could sit there under the stars and feel you with me. Ok so this might sound lame but I've always thought of the beach, the ocean and the shore as a relationship, it's almost like a love affair."

Ashley raised her eyebrow at me, making me chuckle, "Just hear me out gorgeous. Its like no matter how the tide turns the ocean always returns to the sand, like it can't bear to stay away. They are connected eternally Ash, and that's how I feel about you. No matter what happens in my life you are my shore, my beach and I can't bear to be away from you."

I swallowed and tried to blink back the tears forming in my eyes, unsuccessfully I might add. "Ashley Christine Davies I love you and I always will. I know that there will be good times and I know there will be bad, but what will never change is how I feel about you. I want to build a life with you, a family. I want to spend each and every day of my life with you. I want to go to sleep with you in my arms and wake up beside you for the rest of my life. In short I want everything with you." Ashley was staring at me wide-eyed, a nose-crinkling smile on her face as tears glistened on her cheeks. I bit my lip and lowered myself onto one knee, ok so it's a corny and predictable move but I wanted to do this right.

Ashley silently watched me with an expression I hoped was from excitement and held her hand to her heart, which I think was pounding just as fast as mine. I reached into my pocket and pulled out a small navy blue velvet jeweller's box. I opened it up to reveal a black diamond, surrounded by small clear diamonds set in a thin white gold band.

I looked up and locked my eyes with the mocha ones I loved so much, "Baby, I loved you before I knew you and I will love you always. You are my best friend, my family, my lover and my only. You are my first and forever love Ashley. My love, do you wanna marry me?" I asked as more tears spilled down both of our cheeks.

Ashley pulled me to my feet and crashed her lips onto mine as she crushed my body against hers in a fierce embrace. We broke apart breathlessly and rested our foreheads against each other. "So is that a yes?" I asked as I gazed into her eyes.

"You know it is," She murmured huskily before capturing my lips in a kiss so full of passion it made me literally weak in the knees and I sunk down in to the sand with my girl still in my arms. I lay back in the warm sand as Ashley settled on top of me. We kissed lovingly and hungrily for a while, both laughing and crying at the same time.

Finally I got to my feet and helped her up, "Come on my love we have a celebration to get back to and my God do we have a lot to celebrate today!" I wrapped my arm around her shoulder as hers found its way around my waist. We fit together perfectly, like we were always meant to be.

"I love you so much Spencer. This is the single happiest moment of my entire life," Ashley murmured as she leaned into me while we walked.

"Me too Babe, me too. I think this is one of those illusive perfect moments." I kissed her cheek tenderly as we started walking up the stairs to join our family on the deck.

As soon as we ascended the last step my Mom ran up to us and everyone turned around expectantly, "Well?" Mom demanded a huge smile of anticipation on her face, a smile which was mirrored on the faces of all present.

"Wait did you all know Spencer was going to propose to me tonight?" Ashley asked incredulously. Everyone nodded and grinned. What can I say? I was excited and had to share it with everyone. Ashley shook her head and laughed, "First time any of you shits have ever been able to keep a secret!"

"So are we having another wedding?" Paula cut it.

I smiled adoringly at the amazing woman in my arms and murmured, "Yeah she said yes." Ashley held up her left hand and flashed everyone the engagement ring which now glittered from its rightful place on her ring finger. Everyone started cheering and clapping as they surrounded us. We got separated as our family pulled us into warm hugs of congratulations. I held her gazed as I hugged my Dad and knew that I would spend the rest of my life loving that woman.

"Ok so the delicacies from the grill are ready so let's sit down and eat!" Dad called out as he hugged me. Before he released me he leaned in and whispered in my ear, "I am so happy for you honey, you two will be so happy together." I kissed him softly on the cheek, God I love my Dad. He was the biggest and loudest supporter of my relationship with Ashley in the beginning. I'll admit it, I'm a total Daddy's girl.

We all convened around the large table we had out on our deck. I slid my chair close to my girl's and held her hand in my lap. I couldn't stop looking at her and relishing in the fact that this beautiful, intense, funny, surprising, intelligent, talented, loving woman was mine. If I'm honest I fell in love with her the day I met her, it just took me a while to realise it. We had a love that was stronger than any force I had ever encountered and I just knew that we would last.

"Spencer? Spencer! You zoned out there, what were you thinking about?" My Mom asked as she helped herself to some salad.

I was shocked from my inner ramblings and just blurted out the first thing that came to mind, "I'm marrying Ashley Davies." Everyone stopped what they were doing and I was hit with a chorus of 'awws' making me blush a rather spectacular scarlet.

"Oh Baby, you are too sweet. I love you so much," Ashley murmured as she leaned over to press as gentle kiss on my rosy cheeks. I just grinned like a crazy person and brought her hand to my lips.

My Mom's excited shriek and the flash of a camera brought us back to the present. Grinning sheepishly at each other we turned back to our family and started to eat our dinner. "So girls, when do you want to get married?" Mom asked.

Ok that sound you're hearing is me choking on my food while Ashley giggled beside me, "Mom! We only just got engaged! We haven't even talked about any of that yet."

"Ok, ok, but you don't want to leave it too long, gotta start having the grandkids so your kids can grow up with their cousins. Oh and by the way I have some brochures in the car that discuss your, uh, options for getting pregnant. By the way which one of you is going to have the babies?" Mom looked at as expectantly. I think I was doing a rather impressive impression of a dying fish.

I chanced a glance at Ashley, whose eyes were bugging out of her head as her mouth hung open. Everyone else at the table laughed, while Mom continued to stare at us waiting for our response. I turned to my girl and then grinned, "Hmm I think I see Ashley having a date with the turkey baster!"

Ashley's mouth fell open again and she stared at me in shock, "What? What the fuck just happened?"

I laughed, "Don't worry honey I'm teasing you. Mom we just got engaged, let us enjoy that for a while before we start worrying about the whole baby thing. We've got time." I smiled tenderly at my girl who beamed back. I lay a hand on her thigh and squeezed gently.

"Ok, but I'll hang onto those brochures just in case," Mom said. I rolled my eyes and took a sip of my champagne. They drove me crazy sometimes but I loved the people around that table, my family. The brought out the best and worst in me and loved me regardless of which side of me was on show. My parents were the epitome of what love should be, it wasn't perfect but it was real.

They loved each other deeply, flaws and all. They struggled and fought but always made it through because they genuinely loved each other, they were a team. I loved them so very much.

I looked over at my big brother. Glen had grown up more than any of us. He had become the man I always knew he could be, and all for the love of Chelsea. He still brought out the old Glen every now and then but he was every inch a man in love and that had changed him into the best version of himself. I was so proud of my big doofus brother.

Then there was Kyla and Aiden, they had certainly had a rollercoaster ride to get to where they were, not quite as dramatic as my relationship with the older Davies sister but still pretty crazy. They loved with an intensity that would see them through, of that I was certain. Their child was so lucky that it was being born into a family like theirs.

Then finally there was Ashley. The love of not only my life but my eternity. She was my soulmate, partner, lover, friend and family. There were no moments, big or small, in my life that I didn't want to share with her. She was the only person who understood me completely and who could read me so well. She was the person I wanted with me when all my dreams came true. She was my one and only, my first and forever love.

She felt my eyes on her and turned to face me, brown locking on blue. She smiled, that beautiful sweet smile that I know is reserved only for me and tenderly cupped my cheek in her hands. No words were needed, our eyes articulated the magnitude of the feelings swimming within us. I leaned my face into her hand, tilting my head slightly. Her smile widened into that blinding, nose-crinkling grin I loved so much as she leaned towards me. I met her half way and we lost ourselves in a kiss. That kiss was a promise, a vow which I will never break.

I love you Ashley Davies, forever and always.

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**I hope you enjoyed reading this story as much as I enjoyed writing it. Thank you for the wonderful support and encouragement along the way.**

**The epilogue will be posted soon.**


	14. Epilogue

**Here it is my lovelies, the final instalment of this fic. Thank you all so very much for all the reviews!**

**MrsMusgraveTNG – Thanks rock star! I always read fics that have Ashley proposing and I thought I'd be different and make Spencer do it, plus I felt that it worked for the journey they'd been on. Glad you loved this fic!**

**2bz2breading – Thanks so much! I would NEVER let Aiden infect either of our girls with his spawn!! The 5 years later webisode traumatised me too!**

**mutt009 – thanks for your awesome review. Tears of joy huh? I take that as a huge compliment! Thanks again**

**hugbuddy13 – Thank you so much for your review. Clearly I am a fan of the happy ending!**

**Enjoy!**

**You Have To Go There To Come Back**

**Epilogue**

_Almost Seven Years Later – No POV_

"Happy 5th anniversary my love," Spencer whispered as she leaned down over her wife as she slept. Ashley groaned and reached out to pull Spencer back into bed with her. Spencer giggled and let her adorably sleepy wife drag her into a warm embrace. "I love you Spence," Ashley murmured sweetly as she planted soft kisses along her wife's throat. They lay intertwined in the warm cocoon of their blankets until the patter of little feet on their hard wood floors alerted them to the fact that they were not alone.

The women grinned at each other before each sprung up from beneath the covers and pulled a squealing child into their bed. Spencer held their son and tickled his ribs as he squirmed around on the bed covers. Ashley giggled and cuddled their small daughter in her arms.

"Momma, Momma stop please stop," The little boy giggled. Spencer ceased her tickle attack and gently stroked his unruly brown curls with her finger. He beamed up at his Moms, his big baby blue eyes twinkling with laughter. Spencer couldn't help but remember the screaming baby with the mop of brown hair she had clutched in her arms after almost a full day of labour. Lachlan Arthur Davies was one of the kindest and most loving four year olds she had ever met. It surprised her every day how a child who shared no DNA with her wife could be so like Ashley.

Both children were biologically Spencer's and fathered by anonymous donors from the best sperm bank in Lala land. Ashley had been adamant that she was not getting pregnant!

"Mommy breakfast?" Their little girl asked as she snuggled into Ashley's arms. She flashed Ashley the famous Carlin puppy dog pout, her big blue eyes and silky blonde hair making her a mini version of Spencer. Ashley had always been powerless to resist the older blonde's pouts and it was even worse with their daughter.

"Ok Ally breakfast time, what about you mister Lachlan you want some breakfast?" Ashley asked beaming at their kids. Lachlan nodded and scrambled of the bed as fast as his four year old legs could carry him. Two and a half year old, Ally followed after her big brother, she would follow him anywhere. Spencer watched her children fondly, unaware that she was being observed herself.

Ashley sat still watching her wife. She felt so much love for the woman in front of her. The woman who could give her more love, devotion and joy in a single moment than anyone else could in an entire life time. Spencer turned to face her wife and titled her head as she smiled, "What is it Baby?"

"I was just thinking about how much I love you and how lucky I am to have spent the last five years as your wife," Ashley leaned over and gently kissed her wife on her full lips. Spencer smiled into the kiss and buried her fingers in her wife's sleep mussed curls. They kissed deeply for a few moments until Spencer pulled away and bit her lip.

"I think we had better get those two fed," She sprung gracefully from the bed and slipped on her champagne coloured silk robe. Tying the sash she turned to face Ashley, "God I love you so much. Every day I am blown away by the depth of what I feel for you. I am so glad I was able to sucker you into being my wife." Spencer gave Ashley an adoring smile and a wink before she headed off to get the troops fed.

Ashley lay back against the pillows and wrapped her arms around herself, life had truly blessed her. She had a wonderful family and she had a beautiful wife who stimulated her heart, body and soul every single day of her life. Ashley leaned over and looked at the photo sitting on Spencer's bedside table. It was a family photo taken about three days after Spencer gave birth to Ally. They had just brought Spencer and baby Alice Gabrielle Davies, known to everyone as Ally or little Ally, home. Spencer was sitting on the sofa with baby Ally in her arms. Lachlan was sitting beside her leaning over to look at his baby sister and Ashley was sitting with an arm wrapped around Spencer, running her finger's through her wife's hair while Spencer rested her head on her wife's shoulder. Paula had taken the photo, and straight after hogged the baby so that no one else could get cuddles. Paula loved being a grandmother.

Ashley got slowly out of bed and pulled on her black silk robe before heading off to find her family. She sung softly under her breath, unable to contain her happiness. She walked into the kitchen to find Spencer with an adorable 'help me' look on her face. Ashley chuckled and moved to help her wife. Ally had managed to spill her cereal all over herself, the table, Spencer and their golden retriever, Oliver, who was happily licking the toddler clean while Spencer madly tried to stop the milk dripping off the table and on to the floor.

Ashley shooed Oliver away and grabbed a cloth to start mopping up the mess while Spencer swept a giggling Ally into her arms and trudged upstairs to clean her up. Ashley caught Lachlan's eye and they both burst out laughing. "Eat your breakfast mister, Nanna will be here soon to pick you and your sister up," Ashley said with a huge smile at her son.

Lachlan nodded and dug into his cereal. Ashley smiled fondly and finished cleaning up the mess that Ally had made. Spencer came back down the stairs with a beaming Ally on her hip, both of them now free from milk and cereal.

Spencer pecked Ashley on the lips before sitting Ally down and handing her a piece of toast, which would hopefully not go the same way as the cereal. Spencer ruffled Lachlan's hair as she poured herself a much needed cup of coffee. She loved her kids but they certainly took a lot out of her.

After breakfast they got the kids dressed and ready for a day with Spencer's parents. Ashley had planned their anniversary, keeping it simple as per her wife's request, and wanted everything to be perfect, hence the banishment of the littlies to Nanna and Pop's.

After Paula had picked up the kids Ashley and Spencer got ready. Ashley came downstairs and led Spencer by the hand out to the beach, to the exact spot Spencer had proposed to her all those years ago. Ashley spread out a blanket and they sat down in each other's arms. They spent the day laughing, exchanging kisses and caresses and talking about their crazy and wonderful life.

It had been one hell of a journey for these women to get to this point but if they were honest neither woman would change a damn thing, not the fights or the heartaches, none of it. Every single moment, word and touch brought them here to this moment and it was a moment neither would ever forget.

It just made everything that had happened completely worth it.

As the sun set over the ocean Ashley disappeared into their house to quickly return with a basked and her guitar. She set up a few lanterns around them to give them light as twilight enveloped them.

Spencer smiled adoringly at her wife as Ashley pulled out the picnic she had prepared (or had her father-in-law prepare and drop off at the house while they were down at the beach). They shared a feast of all of Spencer's favourite foods, much like they had the night under the pier when Ashley had asked Spencer to move into the beach house with her.

After dinner Ashley took Spencer's hand in hers and tenderly kissed each of her wife's knuckles. "Spencer Davies I love you so much. I don't have the words to properly tell you how I feel so in typical Ashley Davies fashion I wrote you a song, it's called It's Love and I'm in It. Happy anniversary Baby." Ashley pulled her guitar onto her lap and began to strum the introduction to the song.

Spencer smiled softly and sat mesmerised by her girl as Ashley began to sing,

'Every second of every day

You are all that's on my mind

Every moment of my life

I want to spend it only with you

First thing in the morning

And last thing at night

I am thinking only of you

You are all I want, for always

I hold you in my arms

And to me that is heaven

Baby this is it

It's love and I'm in it

Love and I'm in it here with you

It's quite simple really

You have completely stolen my heart

And that is more than ok with me

I give you all I am willingly

It's beyond me and I can't understand

How I existed before there was us

I crave you with a need

Like that for the most addictive drug

It's love and I'm in it

I hold you in my arms

And to me that is heaven

Baby this is it

It's love and I'm in it

Love and I'm in it here with you

Baby this is it

It's love and I'm in it

Love and I'm in it here with you.'

Ashley strummed the last note and grinned at her wife. Spencer leaned forward and crushed her lips against Ashley's as tears fell from her eyes. "I hope those tears aren't because you hated it," Ashley quipped. Spencer shook her head.

Ashley laid aside her guitar and pulled Spencer into her arms. "Baby that was beautiful, I can't believe you wrote that for me. Ash, I love you. I love you more and more with every second I share with you. I love you for all that you are and all that I am when I am with you. You are my all, my everything. Happy 5th anniversary my Darling," Spencer murmured against Ashley neck.

Ashley smiled down at her wife, "Do you remember the first awards you won for the very first documentary you made in college?"

"Yeah?" Spencer said, a tad confused.

"Do you remember the speech you gave that night?" Ashley asked as she ran her fingers through her wife's silky, sun-kissed blonde hair.

"Vaguely, why?"

"You said something and that was what inspired that song. You said, and I quote, 'Baby, this is love and I'm in it, not matter what anyone thinks.' Those words touched me so deeply and I have always carried them with me. Spencer this is love and I am in it with you." Ashley gently tilted Spencer's chin so they were face to face and kissed her with all the love she felt. They sunk into each other's arms, the world couldn't touch them, everything else fell away. All that mattered in that moment was the two of them, together.

They had found something truly special together. The love between Spencer and Ashley was by no means perfect. They could get under each other's skin like no other. They fought and made up and then fought again. It had been a rollercoaster ride of epic proportion, but they wouldn't have it any other way. Like I said their love was not perfect, it was something much better…it was real.

"Spence?" Ashley whispered.

"Yeah Baby?" Spencer murmured softly.

"We went through so much to get here. I remember when we broke up…"

"Which time?" Spencer cut in with a sweet smile.

Ashley chuckled, "Touché Babe. The last time. We went through so much and made our way back." Ashley said with a grin.

"Made our way back to what my love?"

"Back to us."

Spencer smiled adoringly at her wife and brought her lips to Ashley's. keeping the faintest contact Spencer whispered, "You know the Stereophonics have a song that says, you have to go there to come back…"

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**Well that****'****s it. This Fic is done. I****'****m actually kind of sad, I really enjoyed writing this. I hope you all liked it. **

**Thank you all so much for the kind reviews and encouragement along the way. This is one of the first fics I ever posted so it meant a hell of a lot to get such positive reviews.**

**Much love to you all!**

**The song in this chapter is called ****'****It****'****s Love and I****'****m In It****'**** and was written by me so sorry if it is no good.**


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